Between the Covers

Spitzer, hookers and a brand new book

Associated Press reports that the Penguin Group is publishing a book on the rise and fall (insert $5,000-a-pop hooker joke here) on former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer. The book will be written by an author who knows a bit  about rises and falls: Peter Elkind, senior writer for Fortune magazine and co-author of the 2003 bestseller Enron: The Smartest Guys In the Room. His collaborator? Filmmaker Alex Gibney, who made the documentary based on Elkind's book. The pair will also collaborate on a film on Spitzer.

There really are just so many jokes here I don't know where to begin. I'd solicit guesses at the title but it really is far too obvious to even use the word "solicit" here.

No word on when the book will be released.

Life after the shelter

Just in time for May Day: Mutts Shelter Stories, a collection of Patrick McDonnell's adorable comics - the ones touting the adoption of shelter pets. Interspersed with McDonnell's terrific cartoons -which sadly do not run in The Miami Herald, but should - are photos of former shelter pets who have now found happy homes, sent in by their owners. We're talking dogs, cats, bunnies, guinea pigs, birds and even a ferret. We are partial to dogs here at Between the Covers, but the kitty photos really are adorable.

There's even a nice intro by Wayne Pacelle, president and CEO of The Humane Society of the United States; McDonnell is a member of the national board of directors for that organization and The Fund for Animals.

Remember: only idiots support puppy mills. Don't believe me? Ask Patrick McDonnell. Yesh.

Can Bob Woodward beat "The Secret"?

Talk about a no-win situation: PW Daily reports that publisher Simon & Schuster found that profits were down the first quarter of this year. Revenue fell 12%. The news is especially jarring when compared with last year's boon, the moronic popular self-help book The Secret, which apparently accounted for $53 million in S&S's first quarter last year.

S&S execs say they're expecting things to pick up, however. There are still chuckleheads out there who will buy The Secret, which touts the power of positive thinking and suggests that negative thoughts can bring on terminal illness, disease, poverty, stomach aches, shin splints and, possibly, premature baldness. Also expected this September: the fourth installment in Bob Woodward's Bush at war series, which one S&S exec says will definitely affect the election. Can that be good news for John McCain? Stay tuned!

I'm a snob, and I shouldn't be

I don't know why I would be surprised by this revelation, but I am: St. Pete Times writer Piper Castillo, in her "What's on  Your Nightstand?" feature, asks former actress on the sitcom One Day at a Time and current author Valerie Bertinelli what she looks for in a book. Bertinelli says: "I always enjoy a bit of humor in drama. And, if you really are into fiction you can't go without Margaret Atwood. I know I can always rely on her."

I'm always delighted to find a fellow Atwood fan. Sorry, Valerie, that I doubted your ability to be a serious reader. If you haven't read The Blind Assassin, don't miss it!

Bertinelli's book, Losing It: And Gaining My Life Back One Pound at a Time, hit no. 8 on the NY Times bestseller list last week. The author is also a Jenny Craig spokesperson. And for the record, as a kid I always liked One Day at a Time.

Dove medicine

It would be easy to call The Plague of Doves Louise Erdrich's masterpiece; indeed, no less an expert than Philip Roth does just that in his promotional blurb on the book's back cover. Erdrich has written so many terrific novels, though, it's tricky. Can it really be better than the brilliant The Last Report on the Miracles at Little No Horse?

But does it have to be? Of course not. I've been reading Erdrich's rich, resonant work since her debut of Love Medicine, and I have to say that The Plague of Doves is certainly one of her best novels, by turns funny and melancholy and heartbreaking, about the inhabitants of Pluto, North Dakota, which sits on the edge of an Ojibwe reservation and is haunted by two terrible acts of violence.

Click here to read my review. The novel is in stores Tuesday; judge it for yourself then.

Short and sweet

A recent conversation got me thinking about short stories. I've heard more than a few readers say they just don't really "like" short stories lately, and I have to admit that I've had a hell of a time getting through the ones that have appeared in the New Yorker. Notable exceptions to this rule: I read anything by T.C. Boyle and Alice Munro, because their stories are always compelling to me.

Here are some of my favorite short stories:

Amahl and the Night Visitors: A Guide to the Tenor of Love, Lorrie Moore: "Understand your cat is a whore and can't help you." Best. opening. line. ever.

Sorry Fugu, T.C. Boyle: A chef aims to seduce a restaurant critic. Well done.

Brokeback Mountain, Annie Proulx: I loved this story long before the movie, loved it to the point that the image of the shirt within a shirt can still give me chills. Actually I like all the stories in this particular collection (Close Range). The one about the half-skinned steer will give you nightmares for a week.

The Dead, James Joyce: No, I'm not being an AP English suckup. I love this story and its final haunting lines.

The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber, Ernest Hemingway: Anyone who knows me has heard me gripe about Hemingway's bull-goring, war-mongering testosterone-ridden novels, but this story is genius.

What We Talk About When We Talk About Love, Raymond Carver: Everybody knows this one. If not, read it. Also worth reading: Cathedral and So Much Water So Close to Home.

How to Talk to a Hunter, Pam Houston: From Cowboys Are My Weakness, which also boasts the excellent Jackson is Only One of My Dogs.

Emperor of the Air, Ethan Canin: "Look up at the stars."

Jealous Husband Returns in Form of Parrot, Robert Olen Butler: I heard the author read this hilarious story at Miami Book Fair once - a sublime experience.

Everything's Eventual, Stephen King: Look, I like The Mist too (the story, not the movie) and the one about the guy who chews off his own foot on an island. But this one is his BEST STORY EVER. I dare you to top it!

Arrive in your tiny white van

Botswana's "foremost solver of problems" - that's Precious Ramotswe to you - returns in her ninth No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency adventure, The Miracle at Speedy Motors, but that's only half the story if you live in Miami. Her creator, the absolutely hilarious Alexander McCall Smith, appears at 8 p.m. Tuesday at Books & Books in Coral Gables.

If you're a fan of these impossibly charming books, which read more like travelogues of Botswana than actual mysteries, do not, I repeat, DO NOT miss McCall Smith, who appeared a couple of years ago at Miami Book Fair International in a kilt. Still one of the most memorable author appearances I've ever seen, especially when McCall Smith revealed what the J, L and B stand for in Mr. JLB Matekoni's name. (He's Mma Ramotswe's husband.)

In a 2004 Herald interview, McCall Smith, when asked why his No. 1 Ladies books have been so successful, said: "People are being reminded of a world in which people had time to have these exchanges, where the links between people were very strong. That's touching a very strong chord of nostalgic longing in people."

I grew up in South Florida, of course, so this polite, kind interaction seems totally foreign to me.

OK, this won't be TOO controversial or anything

AP is reporting that Dutch film director Paul Verhoeven has written a book that suggests that Jesus was fathered by a Roman soldier who raped Mary. Wow, that won't offend too many people. But honestly, how can you not trust the man responsible for bringing us Basic Instinct and RoboCop?

Amsterdam publishing house J.M. Meulenhoff will publish Jesus of Nazareth: A Realistic Portrait in September.

AP also points out that Verhoeven is a member of Jesus Seminar, a group of artists and scholars that tries to "establish historical facts" about Jesus.

No title, but a swell pedigree

Production began this week in Connecticut on the new screenplay by husband and wife writers Dave Eggers (What is the What) and Vendela Vida (Let the Northern Lights Erase Your Name). The untitled project, about an expectant couple traveling around the country looking for a place to raise a family, is being directed by Sam Mendes (American Beauty).

If that's not enticing enough, the couple is played by John Krasinski of The Office (shirtless here as perfect guy Jim) and Maya Rudolph of SNL. The supporting cast is pretty stellar, too: Toni Collette, Jeff Daniels, Catherine O'Hara, a bunch of other people I don't really care about and Allison Janney, whom I will love forever for being C.J. Cregg on The West Wing and suffering through that debilitating woot canal.

George!

I miss the George Clooney photos I posted last week, so here's another completely random, non-book related picture, just because I can: