I don't, actually, carry a 700 degree fire around, but David Sedaris used to. Not anymore. In his new collection of essays When You Are Engulfed in Flames, he writes about how he finally quit smoking: Cold turkey on a 3 month trip to Japan. He figures it cost him at least $20,000, so you might want to stick with the patch.
Flames is, of course, hilarious, more so if you listen to Sedaris read the book than if you read it himself. The audiobook is that good. My two favorite essays in it (Solution to Saturday's Puzzle and In the Waiting Room) I had read in the New Yorker months ago, and yet hearing them again read with Sedaris' perfect comic timing was a joy.
I think my favorite essays of his out of all of them may be from his last collection, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim: Rooster at the Hitching Post (about his brother's wedding) and...I can't think of the name of the other, but it's about Dutch legends about Santa Claus, which almost caused me to wreck my car when I was listening to it. I agree, Mr. Sedaris: Santa didn't USED to do anything.