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And the winner of the Bad Sex award is...

Rachel_2 ...Rachel Johnson, for her efforts in her novel Shire Hell, about a couple that moves to Dorset and engages in actions that are all the more hilarious for Johnson's animal metaphors. Johnson, the 16th winner, seems pretty OK with the dubious achievement: "I'm not remotely grumpy about it," she said, according to the Guardian, adding that she was honored (or "honoured") to stand with previous winners Norman Mailer, Sebastian Faulks and Tom Wolfe.

Updike Britain's Literary Review, which doles out these awards, also presented John Updike with a lifetime achievement award - strangely, the author of The Widows of Eastwick was not present at what had to be one of the all-time most fun awards ceremonies - for earning four consecutive nominations for the award. Now that's some seriously bad sex he's been cranking out.

If you'd like to read samples of the nominated entries, check out this story, but be warned that the Updike passage is, er, rather graphic as well as being laughably awful.

Dom Johnson received a plaster foot for her efforts delivered by The Wire's Dominic West, whom I refuse to believe is British. Now why Mr. West is presenting a bad sex award, I can't really say, but it seems to me to be totally worthwhile to write a lousy sex scene or two just to shake his hand.

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HoCo

They have nothing on the classic 70s Penthouse Forum letters!

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