So I have a major character flaw.
I hold grudges. It would be disingenuous of me to say I don't mean to or I can't help it. Because I know I can help it.
Either you're genuinely, deeply wounded and the emotional scars cause you to not let go, or you're like me, and you find holding a grudge is sometimes deliciously evil. It's the emotional equivalent to letting the air out of your enemies tires, or posting pictures of his wife or her husband in a compromising picture online. There really is no marinade like your own stew of anger and righteous indignation.
Anyway, what reminded me of my big flaw was this Today Show survey I stumbled across. If you have a minute follow the link and take it yourself. What's interesting is the figurative asterisk next to my grudge-holding admission is that I don't usually hold grudges against Mrs. B. I'll hold 'em against anyone but her. There are times she annoys the hell out of me (and I her, I'm sure). And there are times where if I wanted, I could say "told you so!" But whatever anger I may develop toward her usually fades pretty quickly. And my answers in the survey reflected as much.
Anyone else though is fair game.
So I have a situation that touches on this coming up soon. I once had a dude who was a best friend. And "best" is not a word I use often with friends, 'cause it seems so middle school to categorize my friends like that. This guy was an exception. We were thick as thieves.
To make a long story short, after an eight year friendship we had a falling out last year. Granted, you're only getting one side to this story, but with all the solemnity I can muster, I swear on a stack of (your Holy book here) that I am telling the whole truth and nothing but. This guy, over a short period of time, badmouthed my wife, bungled a professional enterprise we'd partnered on with a third friend and then blamed us, told us he was only our friend because it was potentially beneficial to his career, gave one other buddy grief after the other buddy came out and revealed to us that he is gay, and in a drunken stupor threatened extreme physical harm to me. This guy also had a habit of saying unnecessarily mean things to people without thinking first and then hiding behind the mantle of "keeping it real," thus immunizing himself from being responsible for his words, and when I would experience anything good at work this guy would downplay it as a result of me being a pawn of "the man."
So after seven years of pretending this guy was just being rambunctious, I finally had enough and cut him off last fall.
Switching channels for a moment, I have another friend, a young lady whom I've considered a little sister of sorts for about 10 years. She's good as gold - good-hearted, good-spirited, etc. We've always had a sibling-like relationship. And I've always felt like I had to look after her, even though she's grown and can take care of herself.
So, the two of them are now dating. Yeah, it bugs the crap out of me - not 'cause they don't have the right to do what grown folks do, but because I'm holding a grudge against him, and I can't reconcile his behavior and sour spirit with her behavior and her good spirit.
I'm gonna see them both next month at a convention. I know I should be the bigger man and wish
them her them well. But I can't. I wish her well, 'cause she's like my little sis.
But him? I don't know how to get over this flaw. I'll tell you what my problem is: I believe in Karma. And my "faith" is wavering 'cause it never seems like this guy suffers any consequences or sees the downside of his actions. You can't say "Oh, he's lost friends," 'cause he doesn't care. To him, that just means he never needed you as a friend in the first place.
Anyway, I'm done rambling. Take the grudge survey, and tell me how you get over grudges...if you do.