If you've been freaked out by all the stories in the news about teens and 20-somethings getting heart murmurs and trippin' like they licked stamps from drinking too much hyper-caffeinated energy drink à la Red Bull, Rock Star, etc. - but not necessarily those two brands - have no fear. The newest enticement for their easy palates is here, and it's in this purple can.
This is "Drank," a new anti-energy drink from Houston that makes you sleepy. Seriously, that's its purpose. Drank is infused with melatonin to help bring on the drowsy effect. And, according to the company that makes it, it goes well with vodka.
Drank's motto is "Slow your roll," and its name is derrived from hip-hop slang for crappy, allegedly grape-flavored Kool-Aid, AKA "purple drink." Just a little aside, if the thing you're eating or drinking can be just as easily described by its color as it can by its taste, then it ain't healthy and you should burn it or pour it down the drain. So, for example, if someone asks you what juice you're drinking and you tell them "red" 'cause you aren't quite sure what fruit flavor it's supposed to be, you should probably dump it.
So let's review. Basically, Drank is cough syrup in a can.
What I don't get though is why you need a drink to feel under-zealous. I just have to skip one of my two cups of coffee per day, or the single shot of 5-hour Energy I sometimes substitute for my coffee, and I'll feel plenty slow and sleepy. And skipping those things is free.
Guarantee you though, purple Drank is gonna make a mint. But And somewhere, some droopy-eyed dude is laughing as he rides his Drank all the way to the bank.