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Things I still don't know

Today marks three years since Mrs. B and I said "I do."

And at the passing of each of those years, I've tried to write something profound about being a good husband and so on. It'll no doubt make some of you laugh to read what might appear to be angst after just three years, 'cause you've been married since wedding bands were made of ivory and flint and hard-packed dirt. But cut me some slack. I'm still learning.

Anyway, this year I don't have any profound lessons learned to share with you.

We made it another year. And I'm a year humbler, and a year deeper in love with my wife.

That's right, no shame!

I still haven't learned to forgo the last word and go to the neutral corner when we're sparring over something stupid. I could stand to do that more often.

I still haven't learned to get out of bed extra early sometimes to accommodate Mrs. B's early rising schedule and keep her company. I could stand to do that more often.

I still haven't learned to grit my teeth and smile while cleaning the litter box of the stupid cat who plucks my nerves and scratches my stuff. I could stand to do that more often - grit my teeth and smile, not clean that box more often. I have my limits.

I still haven't learned to put my foot down and assert myself at times that I know she's pushing my buttons in a passive-aggressive effort to get me to assert myself. I could stand to do that more often.

I still haven't learned to tell Mrs. B she looks pretty everyday. I remember to do it sometimes. But I could stand to do that more often.

And I still haven't learned to say "I love you" enough. But when is enough? I could stand to do that more often.

All things considered though, I have no regrets. What I do have is 12 months to work on these things.


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Congratulations; sounds like you're on the right track. I speak with a bit of experience, since my 35th is coming up in August.


Wow. Another year gone by already?

Happy anniversary to you and the Mrs.


congrats! she's lucky to have a guy like you.


'And I'm a year humbler, and a year deeper in love with my wife.'

Beautifully put.

After 25 years with my guy, we've gone thru a couple of the things you mentioned and plenty of others. It's a journey you'll find that only gets better.

Happy Anniversary to you and Mrs. B!!!


at the very least you have to say 'i love you' and kiss your partner when they walk out the door, or vice versa, because you never know, it might just be the last time.
there is no such thing as enough when it comes to those things.
and as long as she keeps on needling you and wanting you to improve, she's still interested in you.


I believe that it takes two people working together to make a marriage work. No one from the outside will ever understand it, because it takes the two of them, and only they will ever really understand, and then, they will really only understand their view of the marriage.

My wife likes her birthday as 'her day', and I could care less about mine. So, we make a big deal of hers. I also believe that a marriage ends when either partner stops working on the marriage. Just my thoughts.

Happy Anniversary to both of you, and for many, many more!

Jeni Hill Ertmer

Aw, James -such a sweet post! Really, it is. Show that to Mrs. B and I'm betting she'll see the beauty in those words too.


You're doing just what you should be doing. We've been married 27 1/2 years and we all work on the same things all the time.

You're cool.

The Sarcasticynic

Here's a suggestion. Take that list of six items you "still haven't learned," tape them on the fridge, and nibble them down during your journey to 48 months of bliss.

love, Sarc. (272 months, and counting.)

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