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Cheating at high speed

So the topic on my weekly TV thingie this morning was a recent Divorce Magazine survey that revealed just 46% of men and a whopping 72% of women believe a cyber-affair constitutes cheating on one's significant other.

Keeping in mind that cyber-affairs are essentially Web versions of phone sex - romantic and/or dirty talk - with the added "bonus" of Web cams and so on, I have to confess I was surprised the men and women surveyed felt so differently about this.

I ain't delusional. I realize that to some guys a look is a look is a look, and a chat is a chat is a chat, and none of that necessarily crosses a line unless there's physical contact. Of course, the guys who usually believe that are guys who probably don't have really significant others anyway.

Guys who do have real wives or girlfriends or whatever, If you can work that deal out with them, I may think you're a freak, but more power to you. But you're never going to get around the fact that more women believe this is cheating because it requires an emotional bond. And it may even require a stronger emotional bond than an in person relationship, because you don't have physical contact....at least initially.

The survey also revealed this interesting tidbit about contact: Apparently, over the past 10 years the number of divorces caused by "Web-induced" cheating has skyrocketed to one-third of all divorces filed for in the U.S.

And how did they get to that point? Apparently, 30 % of people who have cyber-affairs, eventually have at phone conversations with their cheating partner, and those phone conversations have led to in-person meetings.

And 31% of cyber-cheaters admit that they have eventually met their Web partner and engaged in real sex.

So the bottom line is this, fellas...and ladies too, but to a lesser degree: As with phone sex with strangers, unless you and your partner have some kind of freaky arrangement (that you really shouldn't tell anyone about) save all your racy talk for her or him.

'Cause it's pretty clear that conversation and a keyboard can get you into all sorts of trouble.


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What an interesting topic!
I think that cyber sex, i.e. talking to someone online about what you'de like to do with them sexually, or are doing as you chat with them, or using a webcam in a sexual way, is cheating.
However, hub and I have had discussions on some other things in this realm. He's a bit uneasy at times because my personality is sometimes a little too friendly. Ya think? I can start conversation very easily with just about anyone and talk about many things. Even to an extent, sex. Not with me and another person but just the topic in general, like here for instance. He feels that anything outside of the normal hi, how you doing stuff with members of the opposite sex (unless you have been friends forever) has the potential to send one down the wrong path. I disagree. I think it comes down to intention.
I have a few lady friends who at mid-life were single for different reasons and have been using places like eharmony and match.com to meet men. We're a society connected to the Net and use it for everything!

I have a very wonderful man who I've been married to for a long time and he makes me very happy and I him.
However, he does not blog, he never got into any type of daily online communication, and he thinks that there are too many situations that could come up by putting yourself out in the public. I say, sure it can happen, but if it's not a person's intention to have an affair, to go online looking for someone to talk intimacies with, then have all the communication you want and deal with a potential sex situation if it comes up.
So I bring this all up because I had a friend online who one time told me something personal that had happened. A threesome he'd been in. It wasn't a graphic account or anything like that and was mentioned for a reason regarding something completely separate. But when hub sat down at the computer to check email for the first time in like a month, my email was already opened and that was the letter available.
Had it been something secretive, I'd have stored it in a locked file with a CIA code. ;)
Needless to say, I had MANY questions to answer that night. LOL It was harmless, completely, but he took the opinion that a man shouldn't speak to a woman or vice versa about personal things because with the emotional bonds that can develop, so too comes the affair.

We've sort of agreed to disagree about it. I think we each know what we are capable, or not capable of, so I'm not worried. I still blog, he still doesn't, and we've been together 25 years!


One thing to consider is WHY a spouse would go so far in an online relationship in the first place? I can't imagine a perfectly happy spouse seeking out others, unless SOMETHING was missing. Then again, I don't necessarily think divorce is a bad thing - there are several couples I know who shouldn't be married.

And Mary, I'm feelin' ya. I am the SAME WAY with my conversations...I'm outgoing and friendly, and no subject is taboo, really, as long as it's not trash talk. I can talk with members of the opposite sex about ANYTHING, and sometimes find myself in the confidante position.

And James, you might be surprised to find out how many couples out there have a "freaky" arrangement - just sayin'!

Say It

I have always gone by the rule of not doing anything away from my husband that I wouldn't do infront of my husband. So far it has worked out really well for us.


I think Say It's rule is a pretty good one.


I actually know Say It and her husband, and I feel I can discuss anything with either of them. Really. I'll vouch for what she says. They both also know me and my wife. They are friends as far as I'm concerned, and I met Say It on-line blogging.


I totally think it's cheating. If it's something that you're keeping secret from your spouse, then that should be a big ol clue right there.

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