Burnettiquette

Friday Round-up, Labor Day Edition

It's that time again, folks. Not Friday, but rather Labor Day. It's the start of the weekend in which we celebrate work by taking an extra day off.

In keeping with the work theme, here are a few rich ones for ya:

• XXX Files - Agent Mulder has been seeing too many aliens, apparently. Either that, or David Duchovny is just working too hard. The X-Files and Californication actor has checked himself into rehab for sex addiction. He issued a statement announcing his rehab and asking for privacy. Hmmm. There's only one mystery in this for me: Why would he make a public announcement to that effect....unless the creatures he was McLovin' were not of this world?
• Do as I do say: Just days after a group of college presidents came out in support of lowering the drinking age in an effort to end binge drinking by students, a college president in Iowa was forced to resign when a photo surfaced of him on a party boat, helping hold a mini-keg to the mouth of a young, college-aged woman. Tsk, tsk. Cameras are everywhere people, everywhere.
• Strict enforcement: Can't say the cops aren't on top of things in upstate New York. After 45-year-old Timothy Cole remarried his ex-wife on Friday in Batavia, he had a spat with a wedding guest and then was arrested. The charge? Not about the spat with the guest. Cole was too close to the bride. They weren't consumating the relationship or anything. But apparently she has an active order of protection against him. My prediction is a marriage that starts off with one spouse having a restraining order out against the other is probably going to be rocky...for the second time around.
• If you're looking for a job: Uncle Sam wants you! You realize this is a joke, right?

OK, that's it for the work-related roundup. I'm off to find some news and try to make the world a better place. Psyche! I just want to get through the weekend without a road rage episode.

Till later today...or maybe tomorrow morning, take care.

Borrowing a vice

We all have vices, right? And by vices, I mean things we indulge in for pleasure, not out of necessity, things that we indulge in though they may not be healthy for us.

I know some formal definitions include words like "evil" and "moral depravity," but if those fit you, you need to seek counseling, not read this blog.

So I was just out of the office at an interview. When I arrived at the location I stood on the sidewalk waiting to be buzzed in. A few other folks milled about, all apparent strangers to one another.

One guy was smoking. A woman pushing a stroller approached him and asked to "borrow" a cigarette...if he had one to spare.

He smiled, checked his pack, gave her a cig, and lit her up.

This isn't a new phenomenon, I know. But I'm curious about two things: If you're a smoker, has it always been a part of smoker's etiquette to comfortably and casually ask other smokers to "loan" you a cigarette? And why is it that people don't ask strangers to borrow other vices?

I mean, I have the occasional Cuban cigar. My humidor is practically bulging at the seams, in fact, 'cause I don't smoke 'em often enough. I consider it a vice, in the purest sense, 'cause without going into the medical minutia, our lungs weren't meant to suck in cigarette smoke, nor were our mouths meant to savor cigar smoke.

Anyway, if I was in a social setting where cigars were allowed and I realized I'd left home without one, I don't think it would ever occur to me to walk up to a cigar-smoking stranger and ask him to "loan" me a spare.

What about people who eat frequently at Crack Ronalds, or Wack Arnolds? That stuff is definitely a vice, since it bears ingredients that can clog your arteries, stop your heart, or put bad weight on you.

And yet, if you were in a public setting, hungry, and craving that particular vice - say, a Big Crack with cheese and fries, or a six piece CrackNuggets meal - and you saw a perfect stranger eating those things, it would never occur to you to ask that stranger to borrow a fry or a nugget.

I could go on with the vices, but you get my point. What makes cigarettes so different from other ingestible or inhalable vices, that cig smokers are so comfortable asking strangers for 'em?

Politics Round-Up

Morning Sports Politics Fans!

So here we are on day two of the Democratic National Convention. And I have a few thoughts and hypotheticals for you:

First, as I watch the pundits on all three cable news networks talk about the "fluid" positions of senators John McCain and Barack Obama, I wonder how we draw the line between changing one's mind and flip-flopping.

I've heard both men change their positions on everything from drilling for oil off the coast of Florida to how, when, and whether to conclude the Iraq War.

And I'm still trying to figure out when they've simply changed their minds about something because they've been enlightened, or when they've changed their minds simply for political expediency, with the latter essentially being flip-flopping.

Do you know the answer? I'm just cynical enough to believe that since it's election season, then any time a politician in the hunt drastically changes his mind in the middle of a race he probably hasn't been enlightened. He's probably flip-flopping.

Second, if you watched Michelle Obama's speech last night, did it alter your opinion of her, pro or con? I've read a lot of comments - many on this blog - from people who strongly believe that her strong personality is going to be a liability to her husband's run for the White House. I've also read comments that she's a terrible person who hates America, because of her comment way back when that "for the first time in (her) adult life, I'm proud of my country," and because of the thesis she wrote in college suggesting America was a mean-spirited country.

I've never understood the vehemence behind the criticism of Michelle Obama, especially the strong woman part. Take your party affiliation out of the equation and look back over the history of this country. And tell me when we've had a weak First Lady. Never. We've had some who were more outspoken than others. And we've had some more reserved in their personalities than others. But pick a random First Lady and read a history book about her. They've all been strong, not a pushover among them. As for the proud thing, I don't know what to tell you. Again, taking political persuasions out of the equation, if I were judged on the occasional stupid things I say, I'd have been shipped out of this country on a slow boat to China a long time ago. I don't know the woman, so I don't have a problem giving her the benefit of the doubt that she actually meant she was proudest of this country, as her husband won his first primary race for president. And let's not forget that John McCain was quoted on Fox News saying "I really didn't love America until I was deprived of her company." He didn't say he hated America. Not even close. He simply suggested that he didn't fully appreciate the U.S. until he was forced to live as a prisoner during the Vietnam War. Sometimes things come out in ways we don't intend. And please, don't anyone cite the fact that Cindy McCain has always been proud of America. I salute her patriotism and business acumen and so on. But I have a handful of very wealthy friends - some of whom inherited it, others who earned it from scratch. Maybe it's coincidence, but those friends who inherited have nothing but pride boiling over for their country. But by their own admission they haven't experienced many, if any negatives in their country. My humble opinion? You can love your country without always being proud of it, just like you can love your kids without always being proud of their behavior. I know my folks loved me as a kid (they still do, I think), but I know that while their love never wavered, there were times I disappointed them with my behavior.

As for the whole America is mean thing, I don't know what to say. In college I thought for a semesterthat I was a revolutionary. I walked around with a chip on my shoulder, talked conspiracy theories with classmates - theories that usually speculated about evils the biggest governments of the world might be considering against the little guy, and used stupid words like proletariat and exorcised my demons with frowns, overpriced coffee, Vans, and short-sleeved T-shirts over long-sleeved T-shirts. Someone will give me a tongue-lashing over this stance, I'm sure. But we have bigger issues to worry about in this country than a college term paper.

Third, I'm seeing a lot of pop culture "icons" - and I use that word loosely - taking shots at John McCain for being older, white-haired, etc. Again, take your political preference off the table when you think about this one. I don't like those criticisms. The same people who are cracking jokes about McCain's wrinkles, or his thinning hair, or what they consider to be his less-than-perfectly fit conditioning, would go bananas if Republicans started cracking jokes in the media about Obama's complexion or the texture of his hair or something else superficial. Don't like McCain, if you don't want to. Don't vote for him. But keep it even. If race and skin color - two incidental, superficial qualities - are off limits, then age-related appearance should be off limits too.

Finally, speaking of things that are good for the goose being good for the gander, over the past few years a couple of conservative TV and radio pundits have made it a semi-regular feature to go after the rapper/actor Ludacris for his sometimes profane and/or sexually explicit lyrics and song themes.

At least one of those pundits even successfully pushed Pepsi into dropping Ludacris as a spokesman for the soft drink.

Most recently the pundits were outraged over a short song Ludacris recorded, voicing loud support for Obama and at the same time slamming Hillary Clinton and John McCain. Ironically, McCain's age was one of the things Ludacris took aim at.

But I digress. After the song was released, the pundits about which I write, speculated that Luda's support for Obama would hurt the candidate. And they suggested Obama should make a statement by denouncing Luda, not just for the political song, but because his songs in general are so suggestive.

So I wonder if those pundits are going to call on McCain to denounce Daddy Yankee, the Puerto Rican-born Reggaeton rapper, who announced yesterday that he was backing the Republican senator's bid for the White House.

If suggestive lyrics are the standard by which a musician is deemed a credible supporter or not, then, as Newsweek pointed out, someone should tell the pundits that DY has many sexual songs. And his biggest hit to date, Gasolina, really isn't about cheaper, more efficient fuel.

Blogging and stuff

Afternoon, friends.

Let's commune a bit over the topic of blogging. You may have noticed I haven't done much of it in the past week-and-a-half.

Whenever I have these occasional near droughts, I inevitably get very kind and concerned emails asking if everything is well.

I usually say - as I will now - that everything is just fine. In fact, if I can borrow a classic relationship cliche: it's not you; it's me!

It's also not my job. I can't complain about my job. Fact is, outside of clergyman, astronaut, parent, teacher, wealthy-but-lazy heir, porn star (kidding!), or overpaid athlete, I have the best gig in the world.

But blogging can be weirdly draining sometimes, when you do it in addition to reporting the news - serious or lighthearted news.

Years ago I developed a thick skin when it came to critiques of my reporting. I had to or I would have gone crazy. At the time I was the cops/crime reporter for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. And most of my reporting had to do with the general woes and growing pains of the city's struggling Northside neighborhoods, where the vast majority of violent crime was committed. I was also writing about the inner workings and office politics of the police department. The kick I got out of reader comments then was that none were on the fence. Either readers would call or write to say they appreciated the light I'd shed on a particular crime or law enforcement issue, or they'd call and write to say a trained chimp could've done a better job telling the truth than me.

But blogging's different. At most mainstream news outlets, reporters blog because its an opportunity they don't have in their news stories to opine on topics they strongly care about. So when your reward leans toward the mental, the emotional, or the academic, as opposed to material, I think you care more about how your work is received.

If you've read my rants for any amount of time, you know there's no single topic for me. I'm all over the place. And I appreciate the feedback, even the crazy stuff most of the time. But for every thoughtful comment - whether in agreement or disagreement with my opinion - I often get an equal or greater number of emails from people whose comments are personal and peppered with venom.

Yeah, I'm grown. And I'm a big boy. And after this post I'll continue to welcome all commenters - even those whose writing suggests they're not all that bright.

But surely you understand that when the debates get mean-spirited for no other reason than an individual can't figure out how to voice opposition in a sensible way, inspiration to share your opinion can be temporarily in short supply.

So every now and then I have to purge myself for a few days of all writing that requires my opinion. I have to do only old-fashioned reporting. I have to make sure my life outside of work is healthy and not on life-support. And I have to re-balance things, get my Zen back in order.

All that being said, I had a good clarification "session" most of last week. And now we have some blogging to do.

For starters, here is an article I had in today's paper. No opinion, just the facts.

Turn it off or take a vote?

So I have a potential ethical dilemma for you. A colleague of mine told me the other day about an issue in the small fitness center of his new condo building.

The center is set up with a music system that allows residents to plug in their iPods and play their tunes over the speaker system while they work out.

Nice setup, right?

Maybe. My colleague says he'd never use the machine. But in theory if he's in the fitness center working out and playing his tunes via iPod through the speaker system, and someone else comes in to workout, he'd be obligated to turn the tunes off or turn them down as a courtesy to the other person.

I agree with him. The one exception might be if I was really into the music I'd ask the other person if the tunes were bothering them, and if they said no I'd leave 'em turned up.

A really self conscious person might not say a word, when the second tenant came in. They might simply turn the music off ASAP, or disconnect their iPod and attach their headphones to it.

Surprisingly though, most of my colleague's neighbors disagree with him. They don't think you're obligated to turn your tunes down or off, or apparently to even ask the other person of the music's a bother. They seem to be taking an "I was here first, so you just have to deal with my music" attitude.

I think the neighbors' take on this matter is extremely inconsiderate.

What say you?

Random snippets of this and that

So I'm done blogging about the major storm that wasn't and back to reporting and blogging my usual stuff.

On that note, this is the time for us to remember the romance! Doesn't that sound like a war cry, like "Remember the Alamo?"

I ask 'cause I got a unintentionally funny email this morning from a colleague in PR, who is promoting National Romance Awareness Month, AKA August.

Who comes up with these months, and why haven't they designated September James Burnett is Cooler than the Other Side of the Pillow Month?

But the funny thing about this particular month to me is one single word: "awareness."

So rather than simply have National Romance Month, a month that by its very title would celebrate romance, we have National Romance Awareness Month, a month that by its title suggests we should make an effort to know that somewhere out there is romance. Whether we choose to pursue it is another story altogether.

Here's my tip for National Romance Awareness Month: Be aware that you need to consistently do nice, thoughtful, sometimes sexy things for your significant other. If you don't, next year this time you'll be celebrating National Wish-I-had-been-Aware of Romance Month.

Moving right along, I was watching the Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget (the dad from Full House and former host of America's Stupidest Funniest Home Videos) last night. And I think I may have heard the perfect put-down for the first time ever.

Keep in mind that while I don't play the dozens anymore and haven't for nearly 20 years, 'cause I'm grown and its disrespectful, back in the day I was a master at Yo' Momma jokes. I studied put-downs like math whizzes studied theorems. I don't know what to tell you. If I had a shrink he'd probably say it was my strategy to cope with a few dim-witted bullies I went to elementary and middle school with.

So when Comedy Central revived the classic roast a few years ago, I started to watch, curious to see whether any of the comedians charged with skewering the guest of honor could pull it off. They all made me laugh, but I don't think any got a brilliant dig in till the Saget roast.

Bob Saget's roast was hosted by Full House co-star John Stamos, the same John Stamos who was married to super duper model Rebecca Romijn, until he somehow screwed up and lost her. But he didn't just lose her. He lost her and she hooked up with actor Jerry O'Connell. When comedian Greg Giraldo took the stage he turned to Stamos, who'd been giving grief to a few of the other comics, and shook his head incredulously and said "you lost your wife to the fat kid from Stand by Me!"

Priceless. Cold, but priceless.

OK, I'll be back with a more grown-up topic in a couple hours.

A Lesson in Perspective

It's very rare that I can think of a non-disease related physical trial that seems tougher than pregnancy.

Of course, I've never been pregnant. But short of having limbs and other things amputated with a butter knife, I don't think I've ever read about anything that comes even close.

However, that doesn't mean that other Herculean physical efforts aren't also incredible and deserving of gracious acknowledgement and sometimes praise.

Unfortunately, no one read the memo to actress Jennifer Lopez, who had twins about six months ago.

Apparently yesterday following a segment on Good Morning America, in which Lopez announced that she was in training for a triathlon, she was overheard complaining that she didn't understand all the hype surrounding Michael Phelps's sweep of all eight of his events in the Beijing Olympics.

According to MSNBC.com, J. Lo insisted that the bigger story was that a woman (her) who had babies six months ago was training for a triathlon. She couldn't even remember Phelps's name and referred to him as "that swimmer."

To her credit, Lopez is training for a charitable cause, and plans to donate money raised for the triathlon. Still, she could have shown Phelps the respect he earned.

Normally having given birth is the example I'd hold up to any guy who whines that he has it so tough. I'd point to a mom who's recently given birth and say something like "What you've done is run of the mill. What she's done? Now that's extraordinary."

Yet, I don't feel compelled to use that example today. I think Michael Phelps deserves all the props he gets. And I'm happy for J. Lo that she's a mom (even though her movies Wang Chung). So I'm gonna bite my tongue and rein in my fingers before they get me in trouble.

I'll let you guys opine. We're still feeling the after effects of Tropical Storm Fay, so I have to get back to my storm-related scribbling for now.

Billy will never look the same to me again.

As I sit in my Bat Cave stringing letters together to make words for work, I'm feeling nostalgic.

It could be the increasing rain and gloomy skies we're catching down here in Miami from Tropical Storm Fay's outer edges. Rain makes me reminisce. Whatever the reason, I've been craving '80s music like ice cream today.

Specifically, I wanted to hear some Billy Ocean. Go ahead, laugh. But I developed a spiritual bond with Billy back in high school when a couple of cruel buddies who thought they were funny - I suppose they were, just a little - used to tell me and anyone else who would listen that I looked like Ocean's even skinnier clone.

My favorite Billy Ocean song has always been Get Out of My Dreams (Get Into My Car), 'cause the guy can sing his butt off. Never mind, the sheer corniness of the lyrics and the suggestive kidnapperish song title.

But until today I have never seen the music video for that song. I took a break from my work-related scribbling a few minutes ago to look the song up online and satisfy my nostalgia. The first link that came up for me was the music video on YouTube.

I thought it was a fallin'-in-love song. But in the first minute of the video it becomes apparent that Billy's singing to a hooker who is hanging around in front of a car wash and pretending to be a car wash employee.

A car wash, Billy? Really? Tsk, tsk.

I have time to find a couple more old tunes before I start writing again. I think I'll go with some Run D.M.C. and a little Rick Astley.

There's always a first time

In the brief history of this blog, I have never once dusted off "Surprisingly sensible celebrities" from my list of categories.

I haven't had much cause to. But I believe in credit where it's due. And since I'm always quick to pull the "Stupid celebrity tricks" category, I should be equally quick to use the "Surprisingly sensible celebrities" category...when there's a reason.

So now I have a reason!

I know there are well-behaved celebs out there who don't take their fortune for granted. And if I'd put more thought into it before today I probably would have christened the "Surprisingly sensible celebs" category on actor/rocker Gary Sinise for his work supporting American troops abroad.

But remember it's not always the big things that are the best example of a kind heart and a good spirit and temperament.

So here's the surprisingly sensible celebrity story: There's a video floating around the Web of Beyonce Knowles's younger sister Solange performing on an outdoor stage at the Stone Soul Picnic in D.C. If you don't know Solange is a singer too, and if you like old-style R&B, then she's good.

Anyway, have you ever been to a concert and seen a celebrity accosted on stage by a fan who made it past security? I have. And that fan got dragged like he'd just been booted off the Gong Show, tackled, flattened, and pounded the way Brett Favre will be if and when he ever faces the Green Bay Packers on the field. Meanwhile the performer stood by giving the poundee a look like "That's what you get for interrupting my show." I mean, am I wrong for assuming that's what most celeb singers - whether A-list or B-list, or C-list, or whatever - would do under similar circumstances?

So when a guy runs on stage and starts cavorting around Solange's backup dancers, what do you think she does - call for the beat-down squad? Nope. She keeps singing, and smiles at the guy, probably recognizing that he was mentally disabled. And when the apparently sleeping security finally come on stage and try to drag the guy off, Solange tells 'em to back off 'cause the guy isn't hurting anyone. She even dances with him for a sec, and at the end tells the crowd his name and asks for a round of applause for him!

For that Solange gets the inaugural "Surprisingly sensible celebrity" tag from Burnettiquette. Again, it's not a huge deal, but it's a very cool act of kindness on her part.

Here's the video. The scene I described starts at the 3:23 mark.

Holy Pepperoni!

You don't have to be religious to ponder this one: On my Facebook "Wall," where friends can write notes, etc., one friend just announced that he'd joined the fan club for pizza. That's right, pizza, the round pie with cheese, pepperoni, etc. The club as of his joining this morning had 318,904 fans.

Minutes later, another friend announced that he'd joined the fan club for Jesus. I'm not trying to get struck by lightning, so I swear there's no punchline to this...other than the fact that Jesus only had 108,724 fans.

Pizza is loved by more Webheads than Jesus?!?!?!

As a purely non-scientific experiment I'd be curious to know how pizza stacks up to other deities with fan clubs on Facebook.