I couldn't make this up if I wanted to.
According to Gawker, clients of a certain anonymous New York public relations firm have been ordering the firm to find "desirable" black people to attend their holiday parties this year, because they - the clients - are predicting that black folks will be the new, cool party accessory (as opposed to Scotty dog sweaters or mistletoe) thanks to...the election of Barack Obama.
Seriously, they're calling it the "Diversified Holiday Guest List."
I suppose there are worse ways to get invited to a party, like to cook, or serve drinks, or park cars.
But what I'd like to know is why I'm not on this list. I mean I'm not saying I should be top 10. But hell, there's a journalist on their top 10 list. I could fill that spot.
So if you're a highfalutin' New York company...perhaps with offices in Miami and you need a black person for your over-the-top holiday party, I'm for rent. And I'm an ideal choice for the following reasons:
- I'm pretty, waaaaay prettier than I'm given credit for usually.
- As long as the sun is up, white people don't fear me, except for that one time...
- I own at least two pairs of calf-skin cap-toed shoes that are fit for a banker.
- I have a collection of pocket squares that admirably compliments my collection of neckties. And I know how to knot a bow-tie - no clip-ons for me.
- I'm aware that those squat glasses in which Cognac and other throat-warming spirits are served are called snifters.
- I read the New Yorker, and I don't believe for a minute the allegation made on Family Guy that people who work at the New Yorker are missing an orifice.
- I wasn't raised in poverty or turmoil, but I can pretend I was for the sake of conversation.
- I've never been arrested, and I've never been ticketed for anything but parking violations.
- I've never appeared on a reality TV show, especially not one whose burning question was "Is he or isn't he the father?" or "Was he born a man?"
- And I do know the secret handshake, but I promise not to use it in your presence.