« Diversified Holiday Guest List | Main | Iraqi Shoe-thrower »

Man sprays teens with fox urine

This post is not about a kinky sex ring involving showers of animal pee.

Moving right along, it is an attempt at a serious story about a Minnesota man who got fed up with repeat visits from high school vandals who left his house draped in toilet paper.

Scott Edward Wagar of Willmar, Minn., says he told the kids to cut it out. They kept coming back. This particular evening he was ready. Wagar, wearing night vision goggles, saw the TPee-ers coming, swore at 'em, and told 'em to leave his property. After he determined they weren't leaving, Wagar opened fire...with a Super Soaker water rifle filled with fox pee.

My response to this story? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Bet they won't TP any other angry hunter's homes. I'm assuming he's a hunter, 'cause if he isn't I'm expecting a follow-up article about what types of people keep a stash of fox pee at home.

The local prosecutor's response? On Wednesday he formally charged Wagar with misdemeanor assault, theft, and disorderly conduct for the pee gunnery, his reluctance to return a cell phone that one kid left behind and a brief wrestling match he engaged in with one male vandal.

I never got into TP-ing houses in high school 'cause I had funnier things to do. I could never get the TP to unravel as it flew. And I had at least one insane neighbor who might have shot me...with a real gun.

For the record, I am anti-pee-spraying-of-teenagers. On the other hand, am I nuts for thinking that Wagar didn't do anything worthy of criminal charges? I'm not ready to give him a ticker tape parade 'cause pee-spraying sounds gross. But I'd buy him a pint if I saw him in my favorite watering hole juice bar. I'm thinking at most he should've gotten a verbal warning from the sheriff to call 911 next time.

The kids got off easy. Wagar could have been bat poop crazy and sprayed them with bullets instead of pee. Their folks could've been planning funerals. Instead the kids just had to shower and bathe in tomato juice.

I'm never gonna be that old grumpy guy in the neighborhood who chases kids off his lawn. And I say that while thinking "there, but for the grace of God go I," 'cause I really love my lawn, my trees, etc. And messing with a man's property is one of those potentially do-at-your-own-risk things.

I'm too pretty to go to jail over some prankster kids, but consider this:

About a month ago vandals went up and down my block spraying white paint on the backs and tail lights of virtually every car in sight. That night my car was parked on the street and not in our secure, gated driveway. But guess whose car was the only one on the block unscathed that night?

I hope we were spared 'cause the kids I don't know on our block aren't quite sure about my temperament. Good. I'd rather they worry that I'm not a punk than think I'm an easy target for a prank.

So kids if you're reading this, don't worry, I don't own a Super Soaker...But I will spray you with a 12.5-on-the-boot-scale Kung Fu kicks to the arse. And if your parents raised you in the school of thought that says pranks are your harmless release of frustrated creativity, I'll kick them too.

Forget the Dark Knight. Tell your friends that Bootman may be watching!

TrackBack

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00d83451b26169e20105365568df970b

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Man sprays teens with fox urine:

Comments

Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

TJ

Hey man just thought i would let you know that it wasn't just toilet paper its, eggs(takes paint off of houses), shaving cream ( which takes paint off of cars), forks, knives, drumstick, and peanut butter. I can see why old guy got a little ticked.

BobG

I have no problem with what he did, and think the charges against him are ridiculous. What about charges against the vandals?
When I was growing up, it was not unusual for people to keep a shotgun with rock salt for jerks like the teenagers, and no one thought it was a bad thing.

Karmyn R

I'll tell you - if my kids came home covered in fox pee because they'd been TPing someone's house. I'd be pissed off - at my kids! There would be some major punishment going on.

James B.

TJ, that's even worse. Then I changed my mind. I am ready to throw him a parade...for his restraint. For all that harassment, I'm surprised he was able restrict himself to dousing them with urine.

BobG, rock salt sounds good to me - a nice, non-lethal reminder that will sting enough to leave a memory but not enough to leave a permanent mark.

KarmynR, I hear ya. I was annoyed by the part of the story where the one guy said he made his teenage son apologize but the apology was cut short after Wagar yelled at the teen. It gave the impression that the kid's (or the dad's) feelings were hurt by the yelling. So what!

Kurt P

It's a good thing those kids only gopt a dose of fox pee.
If I were still in charge of the Gas Dept. they'd have go hit with Mercaptain and had gas leak calls every where they went for the next week.

Awww, their feeling were hurt from a victim of their actions yelling at them- I pity America's future.

The Sarcasticynic

Your car may be spared depending on what you drive. The kids might feel it's sacrilege to spray, let's say, a Corvette.

If, on the other hand, you drive any vehicle made by Ford, then they may feel you've suffered enough.

C

It's about someone showed lame ass disrespecting kids that they can't just destroy and litter because they are young and stupid. My parents would have beat my ass so hard for something like that - I would have had a hard time just sitting on the toilet after their ass whoopin'!

mark

Deer hunters here in MN use fox urine to mask the human scent. You put a few drops around your deer stand. The stuff stinks to high heaven. He probably diluted it for use in the super soaker. Ya gotta be careful when you retaliate against kids. I spose it could have been worse.

mrqcrew

Those kids should have gotten charges. What are the police and the DA thinking, charging this guy? Don't they have home protection type laws in that town? Don't the authorities know that by charging the victim and giving the perps a pass, they are CREATING an environment perfectly suited for criminals? Maybe it's their intention. In times like these, they might want a little job security. I'd be ashamed to say that I was the one who prosecuted that man. What a joke of a town!

Adrienne N.

I'm thinking those kids should be charged with: vandalism, trespassing, harassment; for the one who jumped on this man's back for defending his own property, an extra charge of assault and battery. Because parents are lame excuses and not really parents, any kid who was under the age of 18 who was part of this, their parents should be charged as well. These kids have been harassing this guy for years. This is unacceptable!

The comments to this entry are closed.

-
 
Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | Copyright | About The Miami Herald | Advertise