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Muzak is on life support!

The economy must be bad if elevator music can't even survive.

According to published reports, Muzak, the company founded in 1930 by a U.S. Army general who thought it was a good idea to pipe corpse-like music into elevators to mask the mechanical creaks and groans,  has filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy protection.

What, are office building owners so broke that they have to send elevator riders up in silence now?

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I should be sad 'cause it's another American company struggling to make it.

But I hate muzak. It's one of those Pavlov's dogs things with me.  I hear it and I envision bad things.

Elevator rides to the boss's office when there's nothing good on the menu, elevator rides to the doctor's office, or even worse the dentist's office, sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's or dentist's office, sitting in the waiting room of the principal's office, dining at generic restaurants with generic food and generic music - the kinds of restaurants you go to for breakups, being placed on hold by a smug billing clerk from the credit card company - a smug clerk who is probably taking a smoke break and shooting the breeze with a desk mate while you're forced to listen to generic, smoothish jazz with so little soul that it couldn't inspire you to breath heavier, much less perk up.

If Muzak comes out of this bankruptcy, I hope they retool their repertoire and supply tunes appropriate to the setting. Music with some humor or some life.

When I go to the dentist, it would crack me up to hear that music from Friday the13th - that "ch, ch, ch, ch, ha ha ha ha" whisper that starts right before Jason sneaks up on a cheerleader.

When I'm in the elevator at the bank, I wanna hear the O'Jays singing For the Love of Money.

If you're a drug dealer and you get busted while on the job, the cops should put you in a waiting room and make you listen to The Ten Crack Commandments.

Divorce courts should pipe into the hallways stuff like Mick Jagger singing Don't Call Me Up, or Aerosmith's Cryin'.

Or, if all that fails, Muzak could just pipe Tony Robbins into elevators and doctor's offices and banks. Nowadays, folks could use a little positive reinforcement.

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Classof65

For newspaper circulation departments: Marvin Gaye's "Heard It Through The Grapevine"
For any workplace in this economy: The Undisputed Truth's "Smiling Faces" or D Pouter's "Bad Day"

David

What most EVERYONE does NOT realize is that Muzak relies on composers and vice versa! Composers' livelihoods depend on THEIR "muzak" being purchased and performed throughout the country and world. Just remember that compsers' families, et al lived from this income! It's NOT a laughing matter. Yet ANOTHER American company caught in the FAILURE of the Republican Partys DESTRUCTION OF AMERICA!

ɔıuʎɔıʇsɐɔɹɐs ǝɥʇ


For the "octuplets" mom:

Nothing's gonna stop us now (Starship)
Can't get enough (Bad Company)
You're the first, the last, my everything (Barry White)
I go to extremes (Billy Joel)
That's the way I've always heard it should be (Carly Simon)
25 or 6 to 4 (Chicago)
There goes my baby (Drifters)
What's love got to do with it (Tina Turner)
Get a job (Silhouettes)
Workin' for a livin' (Huey Lewis & the News)
Who are you (The Who)
What's your name (Lynyrd Skynyrd)
All that she wants (Ace of Base) (you may have to think about that one)


For Octy's doctor:

Things that make you go hmmmm (C+C Music Factory)
Do it again (Beach Boys)
You ain't seen nothing yet (Bachman Turner Overdrive)
More, more, more (Andrea True Connection)
Push it (Salt n Peppa)
Baby, what a big surprise (Chicago)
New kid in town (Eagles)
I'm coming out (Diana Ross)
One thing leads to another (The Fixx)
1-2-3 (Gloria Estefan)
Take it to the limit (Eagles)


And for Chris Brown:

Super freak (Rick James)
Tragedy (Bee Gees)
Shame (Evelyn "Champagne" King)
Treat her right (George Thorogood)
Do you really want to hurt me (Culture Club)
Don't be cruel (Elvis Presley)
Black eyes, blue tears (Shania Twain)
Treat her like a lady (Cornelius bros/Sister Rose)

The CEO

Why not send this to the company, and see if you can get named to the Board. Companies need to change with the times.

I'm still working on the Republican Party angle though, it seems to have escaped me.

The CEO

Please remember, Chapter 11 is reorganization, Chapter 7 is liquidation. Thank you.

James B.

Classof65, I like those. You have officially kicked off the playlist we can recommend to Muzak, upon its reorganization.

David, no one losing a job is laughable. But it's Muzak. It - not job loss - is funny. Lighten up.

Sarc, great list. And it doubles as good admonition and advice in a way to Chris Brown ;-)

Monty, I like the way you think. I'll bet I could help liven up Muzak.

And the definition/description I gave of Muzak's plight (Chapt. 11/protection) came directly from the Bloomberg Biz News story I linked.

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