The economy must be bad if elevator music can't even survive.
According to published reports, Muzak, the company founded in 1930 by a U.S. Army general who thought it was a good idea to pipe corpse-like music into elevators to mask the mechanical creaks and groans, has filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy protection.
What, are office building owners so broke that they have to send elevator riders up in silence now?
I'm not sure how I feel about this. I should be sad 'cause it's another American company struggling to make it.
But I hate muzak. It's one of those Pavlov's dogs things with me. I hear it and I envision bad things.
Elevator rides to the boss's office when there's nothing good on the menu, elevator rides to the doctor's office, or even worse the dentist's office, sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's or dentist's office, sitting in the waiting room of the principal's office, dining at generic restaurants with generic food and generic music - the kinds of restaurants you go to for breakups, being placed on hold by a smug billing clerk from the credit card company - a smug clerk who is probably taking a smoke break and shooting the breeze with a desk mate while you're forced to listen to generic, smoothish jazz with so little soul that it couldn't inspire you to breath heavier, much less perk up.
If Muzak comes out of this bankruptcy, I hope they retool their repertoire and supply tunes appropriate to the setting. Music with some humor or some life.
When I go to the dentist, it would crack me up to hear that music from Friday the13th - that "ch, ch, ch, ch, ha ha ha ha" whisper that starts right before Jason sneaks up on a cheerleader.
When I'm in the elevator at the bank, I wanna hear the O'Jays singing For the Love of Money.
If you're a drug dealer and you get busted while on the job, the cops should put you in a waiting room and make you listen to The Ten Crack Commandments.
Divorce courts should pipe into the hallways stuff like Mick Jagger singing Don't Call Me Up, or Aerosmith's Cryin'.
Or, if all that fails, Muzak could just pipe Tony Robbins into elevators and doctor's offices and banks. Nowadays, folks could use a little positive reinforcement.