Burnettiquette

New Year's Resolutions On Track

Happy New Year...four days late!

We are off to a good start friends of Burnettiquette.

So far I have abided by my resolutions, which I selected this year based on things I'd like to do, not just things I think I can accomplish. Probably should've been using that standard in past years. After all, it's about the effort, right? So as part of my resolution revolution I've compiled a list of 20 mostly simple goals. I'm tired of plotting to be president, win the Mr. Olympia contest, split the atom, and become underwear model. For whatever strange reason, none of those things has happened for me yet.

But already this year, I have:

1. managed to go shopping with Mrs. B two days in a row and not get demonstrably annoyed over her style of shopping (browse, browse, browse, consider buying, browse, browse, browse, think about it some more, browse, browse, browse, sleep on it and come back tomorrow to browse, browse, browse, then finally buy);
2. lightened my humidor of only one cigar;
3. run a short sprint in an end zone at Dolphins Stadium;
4. stood up to a bully whose "power" source was nothing more than unearned wealth;
5. scored a quality pair of jeans for the first time ever that were 100% comfortable from day one without me having to rough 'em up or wash 'em to soften 'em (I'm no label whore, but bravo Paper Denim & Cloth!);
6. and made it to church on time without having to slink sheepishly past the disapproving ushers.

Still to come in 2009, I aim to:

1. eliminate Dollar Weed from my lawn;
2. begin a grassroots campaign to prove that it's much easier for different types of people to get along with one another when they're simply educated about differences, rather than forced in the name of political correctness to approve of every difference;
3. figure out why the bamboo I'm trying to grow in the back yard isn't thriving;
4. try a Yoga class;
5. resume my Shotokan training with an eye toward reclaiming my black belt and adding a stripe to it;
6. hold my first art gallery show for my painting;
7. land a seven figure consulting gig, jointly paid by the Republican and Democratic national committees, so I can explain to the former why it can no longer blow off some ethnic minorities and remain viable, and explain to the latter why it can't take for granted that youth voters will stay with the Democratic Party just because they support the President-elect;
8. launch five Web sites that I've been laboring over for a long time;
9. hold a mini-promo tour for my first book (more on this later ;-)
10. get my weight to 200 pounds even (I'm not fat! I'm 6-foot-3 and big boned!)
11. wear a bow tie in public at least once a month;
12. gently but firmly educate those friends and acquaintances who incorrectly think that depth of faith is best measured by religious denomination and that liberalism and conservatism can't exist outside the context of political parties;
13. be even prettier than I was in '08;
14. and become a certified, in demand Magic Negro.

Bonus resolutions:

1. Pay my debts - all of 'em;
2. Renew a couple of old friendships.

Friday Roundup

What's crackin' friends? Another business week draws to an end, and I couldn't be happier.

No fanfare here, just our usual list of musings. Please weigh in.

• Murder - Another tragic case of a kid killing another kid unfolded in South Florida this week. Apparently one teenage girl had a crush on another teenage girl but was rejected. The reject brought a gun to school and shot the object of her admiration. The shame of all this is the murder will be politicized in a matter of days. I give till early next week before someone tries to use this as a call for gun control or better school security (the school has metal detectors, but they were apparently turned off and unmanned the day of the killing). Instead - in my humble opinion - there needs to be a greater effort to groom kids at home so that their brains are wired in such a way that shooting someone for not dating you would never cross their minds. Seriously, if I shot every girl who rejected me in my middle and high school years, I'd be a serial killer. Two lives tossed. Damn shame.
• Random Movie Crap - Finally got around to watching Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer last night, 'cause I wasn't willing to pay for it in theaters. And I'm still puzzled about a few things. Is it really necessary for that fiery dude to yell "flame on!" before he sparks up and flies away? I mean, if he doesn't say that will he not ignite? What if he had a slip of the tongue and shoulted "fame on?" Would it work then? Or is yelling "flame on" like yelling "four" on a golf course - only meant to be an advanced warning that a flaming super hero will be passing by shortly? Also, not to be pervy, but Ben Grimm is made of stone. How do he and his girlfriend have a love life, since she's made of meat and skin like the rest of us? And what about "relief" - do kidney stones even matter to him? Just curious. I know, too much time on my hands last night.
• A Fair Question in Politics - Question number 20 on the extensive job application-questionnaire for positions in President-elect Barack Obama's administration asks applicants to "please provide the names and details of any individuals and organizations with which you or your spouse have been associated with which (sic) might present a conflict of interest with your proposed federal office or have the potential for embarrassment." So whether your a fan of the president-elect or not, do you think this question could keep him from getting a job in his own administration, 'cause of past affiliations that "have the potential for embarrassment?" Don't get mad. Just askin'.
• Weird - For some reason I find this tidbit odd. If you don't have time to follow the link it's about a study Folio did on an annual lifestyle magazines survey. One of the results of the study was that the average age of readers of Seventeen magazine is 27. Hmmm. And the average age of Teen Vogue readers is 25.8. Could explain the number of clueless adults - albeit younger adults - still trying to dress like they haven't finished high school.
• Disturbing - With this news that obese kids have the arteries of 45-year-olds, I wonder if all those "funny" ad campaigns aimed at scaring kids away from cigarettes haven't been misdirected. Instead of only spending that money criticizing cartoon characters like Joe Camel for subconsciously urging kids to suck smoke into their lungs, maybe some of those ads should be criticizing Donald CrackRonald for using his kiddie attractions to get kids to suck fatty foods down their throats.
• The Body of Christ - If this guy really does believe literalistic teachings about church communion, then he's a cannibal.