Burnettiquette

#Haiti from the best perspective

I know that every news organization on Earth with a dollar in the bank and a few frequent flier miles is attempting to cover the earthquake in Port-Au-Prince and its aftermath.

But - and I don't deny my bias, mind you - you won't get better insights than that of the Miami Herald's team of reporters down there.

Here you'll find our page with complete Haiti coverage, from both the Miami Herald and news wire services.

PS. Follow me, please, at twitter.com/jamesburnett.

And if you want dispatches from Haiti - when she's able to provide 'em, follow Jacqueline Charles, the Miami Herald's Caribbean correspondent, at twitter.com/jacquiecharles.

My first column of 2010: Lying to kids about being grown

Welcome back to Burnettiquette, friends and frienemies. If you haven't been keeping up, don't worry. You haven't missed much 'cause I haven't been posting much to the blog (only two or three times over the past couple of months).

Things, both good and meh, have happened over the past couple of months. And in time, I'll fill you in.

For starters though, a few of you have emailed me to ask how my column is coming.

If this is your first time here or your first time in a long time, then you may not know that I added "columnist" to my repertoire back in September.

Most of you know the difference between columnists and reporters. But for any who don't know, a reporter is tasked with gathering and writing the facts - telling them, and breaking them down and explaining them where necessary. A Columnist reports fact(s) and shares his opinion of 'em.

So in addition to writing feature stories on trends in popular culture, urban living, sometimes entertainment, sometimes race/culture issues, and sometimes politics, once a week I write a column, an opinion piece. It publishes every Friday.

So my first column of 2010 was about the subconcious descriptions and definitions we give to kids about "adult" behavior, and how those can inadvertently convince kids that irresponsible = adult.

Example: If you're in any sort of authoritative position, have you ever scolded kids - teenagers maybe - about the dangers of unsafe sex and dropped the "adult" bomb on the kids? If so, I have a theory: You're well intentioned, I know. But I'm convinced that some kids draw a literal correlation between your scolding and the action you don't want them to do. In other words they don't hear your warning and think "I'll leave sex to the adults, period!" They hear your warning and think "I'll have sex. But I'll just wear a condom!"

You can substitute sex for playing with guns, driving drunk, etc.

So, I'd argue that if you want your kids - especially your teenagers - to act more "grown up," don't give them those bogus old arguments about what behavior is childish and what behavior is adult-like.

Anyway, if you want to check out my column on the subject, just click here.

PS. Follow me, please, at twitter.com/jamesburnett.

My Friday Column: Practical Environmentalism Through Priorities

Happy Friday, friends and frienemies.

Today's Miami Herald Metro column is about how to get average people to care about the environment.

But don't let that one line lead you to assume you know the direction this story takes. Give it a read here.

A hint for you: We prioritize what we need, whether that's food, shelter, work, money, transportation, or something less serious. When we don't need, we de-stress. When we de-stress, we care about our surroundings, ie. our environment - our literal surroundings and the environment as we think of it by traditional definitions.

Anyway, check out the column, and don't forget to follow me at: http://twitter.com/jamesburnett.

Organic gardening in an unlikely place

So I have this story in today's Miami Herald about a very cool gardening project in Overtown, a gritty Miami neighborhood.

Ironically, even if you don't live in South Florida, if you've ever watched an episode of A&E Network's murder documentary series, The First 48, or a Rick Ross music video, you might still be familiar with Overtown.

Anywho, the story is about an organic garden in the middle of Overtown. And I don't know about you, but I admit that in the past when I've heard people in the so-called "concrete jungle," boasting about their organic garden, I've usually found one of two things: Either the "garden" turns out to be a half-dried 6x6-foot patch of dirt with Charlie Brown's Christmas tree growing out of it, or the garden turns out to be the product of obnoxious yuppies who planted it only as a conversation starter, for when they have well-heeled "green" friends over to visit.

So when I first heard about the Overtown organic garden, I was skeptical. I was thinking "This neighborhood has issues. Who gives a crap about a garden?"

But then I went and saw it. It's not a dry patch. It's nearly an entire city block and is in the process of expanding to two more full city blocks.

It employs people in the neighborhood. And is thriving so much, that at least one major grocery store chain is considering doing business with this garden. It is a beautiful space that is spreading the vibe.

So if you have a minute, follow the link at the beginning of this post and check out the story.

BTW, don't forget to follow me at: http://twitter.com/jamesburnett.

Chicago Beating Death

By now you probably know that a teenage boy was beaten to death in Chicago earlier today by two groups of other teens who were fighting each other - allegedly a gang dispute, but jointly turned on the victim when he unwittingly wandered into the middle of their rumble.

Now, Derrion Albert, a good student and church-going kid with absolutely no reputation for violent or criminal behavior of any kind, is dead.

Over the next several days, good people in Chicago will March, ask police for more patrols, and ask the city for more $$$ to help fund programs to save the kids from themselves. People will also say the violence must stop, but they will say it in a way that mimicks the dissipation of smoke in the open air: that plea will go nowhere, because it will be aimed at no one in particular.

Yeah, communities have to turn on criminals. But this kind of mind-numbing violent crime, involving perpetrators as young as 17, won't stop until communities also turn on parents who allow their children to raise themselves and who don't compel their kids to behave.

That's right. Parents. The four knuckleheads in custody in Chicago for killing Albert didn't lose respect for human life this morning. It's been building for some time, and probably because no adult relative or guardian got in their faces and told them to straighten up or else.'

Pathetic.

PS. If you're considering leaving a racist or borderline racist comment on this post, don't bother, unless you have newly discovered scientific evidence that there is a cause and effect relationship between skin color and behavior. If you don't have that proof - that color causes certain behavior, then swallow your prejudice and face this fact: this crime was (allegedly) committed by four young men, not every other young man in this country who happens to share a tan with them. Hell, I look like 'em. But I look like the victim too. Chew on that.

PPS. I wonder if I'll hear from the readers who wrote me on Friday to say they care less about human victims of crime than animal victims, because human victims ask for it. Hmmm, Albert's family would no doubt be thrilled to hear that enlightened view of the cycle of life.

Follow me, please: http://twitter.com/jamesburnett.

Today's Column: Mourning people as we mourn animals

What's crackin' friends and frienemies? Busy day, so I'll get right to it. My column in today's Miami Herald is about the outrage expressed in South Florida over the recent slaughter of a number of horses. This week and last, two young men were arrested for two of the killings, and they're facing serious criminal charges, as they should be. Supposedly they were killing the horses - other people's horses - not for sport, but to sell the meat to people who enjoy eating horse.

So along with just about everyone else in the Miami area, I was pretty angry when I read details of how these poor horse were killed. And I want the book thrown at the killers. But what annoyed me at a level much greater than my anger over the horse killings was the starkly opposite responses of readers to the horse killing news and concurrent but unrelated people killing news.

Comments on the horse killings were that the young killers should suffer horrible deaths and burn in hell, etc. On a story about a 15-year-old boy who was shot and killed at a Burger King a couple weeks ago, one reader commented that the boy's death was "no big loss; he should have been home studying."

Hmmm, so a 15-year-old kid, a victim, sort of asked for it 'cause he wasn't home studying. But if that had been a 15-year-old horse, the same reader would have written in that the killer should suffer the same fate as the victim.

I'm not saying that we should not take special care of animals. I get it. They're innocent creatures and depend on us. But just because humans have a cognitive level that allows us to better know right from wrong than four-legged animals, doesn't mean we deserve to be victims of cold-blooded murder any more than horses or dogs or cats deserve it. So only if you're innocent and not able to care for yourself do you deserve to be mourned or avenged for your murder? Doesn't make sense to me.

So my feedback on the column so far has been interesting - a mixed bag. Some folks agree with me. Others think I'm an idiot, because I can't compare innocent animals to humans...who may have asked for it.

I don't need to tell you what I think of that philosophy. But I will give you this analogy that I shared with a woman who emailed and told me that she makes no distinction between human and four-legged animal life, 'cause we're all animals:

I told her I didn't believe her, because while we may agree that when it comes to being victims, neither humans nor four-legged animals should suffer cold-blooded violence (unless they're cows or chickens preparing to be shipped off to the grocery. What? I'm just sayin'.). But if the topic is not victimization then human instinct will not allow us to value four-legged animal lives as equal to human lives.

So you're walking down the street and you come upon a house on fire. A woman laying on the front lawn begs your help and tells you her baby and her cat are both upstairs in different rooms - cat to the left, baby to the right.

Knowing you may have time to rescue only one of them, you run upstairs. Which way do you go? I'd argue that even the greatest animal lover is going to go to the right and rescue the baby first.

But why? They're both innocent creatures, right?

No answer necessary to that one. I think common sense will fill in the blank.

Anyway, check out the column here. And if you want to continue friendly (or unfriendly) debate about that column, go here to post a question or comment for my interactive chat that will take place from 1 - 2 p.m. today.

Either way, it's all good.

PS. Follow me at http://twitter.com/jamesburnett.

Sonia Sotomayor and a dangerous vat of acid

Sorry, no punchline to that title.

Jan. 29th, 1999, Milwaukee, Wis. - It was so cold outside that morning that I could see my breath. How do I remember, you ask? 'Cause it was Wisconsin in January. You can always see your breath.

As soon as I arrived at work, the police scanners on my desk started going crazy. At the time I was the "cops" reporter, a coverage beat that encompasses fire and medical emergencies too.

All the scanner activity was about an explosion that had occured earlier that morning at an industrial plant on the city's south side. A crane operator had lowered a large piece of metal into a 10-foot high vat full of a corrosion treatment chemical. The chemical was water reactive though, and aparently the metal had gathered condensation as it sat overnight. So when the crane operator lowered the damp metal into the vat, the 1,200 degree chemical exploded, burning the crane operator over most of his body.

The city editor on duty, having heard the same explosion news I'd heard on the scanners, stood and began to look around the room to see who was available to send to the accident scene. I left to work on another story. When I got back to the newsroom an hour later, another writer was working on the explosion, but he was having a hard time with some of the fine details. I offered to take a crack at it, but the editor said the other writer had it under control.

The other writer did not have it under control. So again, I offered to help. The editor grew exasperated and gave me a mini-lecture on how every reporter worth a damn should be able to give himself a crash course on a topic and go and cover it intelligently. Then he asked something to the effect of "What do you bring to this story that he doesn't?"

So I told him. Less than two years earlier, I had closed out a six year career as a machinist on the U.S. Naval Air Station in Norfolk, Va. While working at the (now defunct) Naval Aviation Depot, one of my responsibilities in my machine shop was to maintain and monitor the Material Safety Data Sheet (MSDS) book that contained a list of all the chemicals - hazardous and theoretically harmless - that we used. The MSDS book also contained details of the types of injuries each chemical could cause, the types of accidents that could happen when the chemicals came in contact with certain materials, how they should all be stored and handled, and what should be done in the event of an accident.

So yes, any good reporter should be able to cover everything. But in the case of a story about a chemical explosion, a reporter with personal experience using dangerous chemicals, monitoring their use, and even working with the Occupational Safety and Health Adminstration to make sure our monitoring books (MSDS) were up to date, is much better suited to report on things than a reporter whose work-related education is limited to the usual college classes.

What does this have to do with Sotomayor? Much has been made over this quote from a speech she gave in 2001: “I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life,”

Without any context, that comment was out of order and Sotomayor was wrong for making such a broad generalization.

BUT, her sentiment was correct. And before anyone blusters and shakes a fist at their computer screen think for a moment. This post is not about Sotomayor's personal politics, or partisanship. It is about reaction to that quote. This does not have to be about race. You can make it about race if you want. But when I say the sentiment is correct, I mean about broad experiences vs. narrow experiences.

In the analogy of the chemical explosion story, I made that point. My colleague and I were both able reporters. But I was better suited for that particular assignment because my professional experiences were broader and more relevant than his.

If you and I are both computer programmers, and you've programmed for Company A, and I've programmed for companies A, B, and C, then my experiences are broader than yours. And my insights to the world of professional programming may be deeper than yours.

The dog pool ate got my me homework pregnant

A woman from Poland is claiming her daughter was recently impregnated in a situation akin to immaculate conception, so she is suing the place where the apparent miracle took place.

Magdalena Kwiatkowska and her 13-year-old daughter recently vacationed in Egypt. When they returned home, the daughter told Kwiatkowska that she was pregnant. But Kwiatkowska says her daughter didn't meet boys on the trip, so the girl must've been the victim of "stray sperm" in the hotel pool.

That's right. Stray sperm.

I'm not sure whether I think this is an old-fashioned hustle, or if Kwiatkowska is just naive.

Maybe it's neither. But there's no way that kid is carrying Jesus or anything. Possibly the Antichrist.

Whatever. If the mom is right about the cause of her daughter's spermination, I'll never get in a hotel pool again.

Need I remind you? Stray sperm. They don't make hot enough showers for that.

Speaking of bodily fluids and swimming pools, when I was a little kid floundering about the neighborhood pool, there was an urban legend - at least I think it was just legend - that if you peed in the swimming pool you'd be caught 'cause there was invisible ink in the water that would have a chemical reaction with the urine, and create a cloud of black or blue ink around you.

If that ink pee thing wasn't legend and Kwiatkowska isn't a total headcase, you'd think they could put something in pools to alert other swimmers to "stray sperm."

Ha! I couldn't even write that last sentence with a straight face.

http://twitter.com/jamesburnett

4-year-old shoots baby sitter

I wish I could make these things up, but I don't have that active an imagination. Sticking with today's Ohio-themed posts, here is a story about an angry 4-year-old whose 18-year-old baby sitter accidentally stepped on the boy's foot.

So this child grabbed a shotgun from a closet in his trailer and blasted that shoe-steppin' fool!

I'm sorry. I shouldn't joke about this, but c'mon! At that age, I doubt the kid can be held criminally responsible for his actions. Who knows? Maybe he's acting out like this 'cause he's been abused.

But if this kid hasn't been abused, then he needs to be brainwashed. Literally. I'm serious. They (Men in Black or whoever does that stuff for Uncle Sam) need to scrub his mind of all knowledge of gun-handling 'cause at such a young age he's already showing signs of instability.

And if he can't be brainwashed, then they need to quarantine him till he's a legal adult and then groom him to be a real life Jason Bourne or something.

One more thing: Whether this kid was abused or not, his parents or legal guardians should be locked up.

BTW, please take a minute to check out the prior post and give your opinion of the moral dilemma.

New Year's Resolutions On Track

Happy New Year...four days late!

We are off to a good start friends of Burnettiquette.

So far I have abided by my resolutions, which I selected this year based on things I'd like to do, not just things I think I can accomplish. Probably should've been using that standard in past years. After all, it's about the effort, right? So as part of my resolution revolution I've compiled a list of 20 mostly simple goals. I'm tired of plotting to be president, win the Mr. Olympia contest, split the atom, and become underwear model. For whatever strange reason, none of those things has happened for me yet.

But already this year, I have:

1. managed to go shopping with Mrs. B two days in a row and not get demonstrably annoyed over her style of shopping (browse, browse, browse, consider buying, browse, browse, browse, think about it some more, browse, browse, browse, sleep on it and come back tomorrow to browse, browse, browse, then finally buy);
2. lightened my humidor of only one cigar;
3. run a short sprint in an end zone at Dolphins Stadium;
4. stood up to a bully whose "power" source was nothing more than unearned wealth;
5. scored a quality pair of jeans for the first time ever that were 100% comfortable from day one without me having to rough 'em up or wash 'em to soften 'em (I'm no label whore, but bravo Paper Denim & Cloth!);
6. and made it to church on time without having to slink sheepishly past the disapproving ushers.

Still to come in 2009, I aim to:

1. eliminate Dollar Weed from my lawn;
2. begin a grassroots campaign to prove that it's much easier for different types of people to get along with one another when they're simply educated about differences, rather than forced in the name of political correctness to approve of every difference;
3. figure out why the bamboo I'm trying to grow in the back yard isn't thriving;
4. try a Yoga class;
5. resume my Shotokan training with an eye toward reclaiming my black belt and adding a stripe to it;
6. hold my first art gallery show for my painting;
7. land a seven figure consulting gig, jointly paid by the Republican and Democratic national committees, so I can explain to the former why it can no longer blow off some ethnic minorities and remain viable, and explain to the latter why it can't take for granted that youth voters will stay with the Democratic Party just because they support the President-elect;
8. launch five Web sites that I've been laboring over for a long time;
9. hold a mini-promo tour for my first book (more on this later ;-)
10. get my weight to 200 pounds even (I'm not fat! I'm 6-foot-3 and big boned!)
11. wear a bow tie in public at least once a month;
12. gently but firmly educate those friends and acquaintances who incorrectly think that depth of faith is best measured by religious denomination and that liberalism and conservatism can't exist outside the context of political parties;
13. be even prettier than I was in '08;
14. and become a certified, in demand Magic Negro.

Bonus resolutions:

1. Pay my debts - all of 'em;
2. Renew a couple of old friendships.