Burnettiquette

More than 1/3 of people lie about their weight

According to a study by AOL, 42% of people surveyed said they absolutely would not tell the truth about their weight if asked.

Thirty-seven percent said they'd lie to a spouse about their weight.

And 39% said they'd be willing to shave up to 10% off their weight in order to deceive someone.

What I was most curious about but didn't see in the survey was who lied more about their weight, men or women.

At risk of getting boycotted, I'm gonna guess it's women...but just barely.

I think it's a myth that women are so much more self-conscious than men about their weight.

Sure, women I've known are really sensitive about such questions. I even had an ex-girlfriend back in the day nearly break down in tears and walk out of a department store when a sales clerk gently but adamantly told my ex that there was just no way she was going to squeeze herself into a size 2, unless she placed a 1 before the two.

Not nice, I know.

But of all the guys I know (not all of them beautifully sculpted like me), while I can only think of two who ever got that stressed out about their weight (and those two were morbidly obese), most guys I know stressed over their weight during their single days. They just stressed behind closed doors and banked on the fact that other guys just wouldn't query them on weight.

Here's the difference I noticed between men and women. Both worry about their weight in terms of their outward appearance. But men don't sweat the actual number as much as women, because they know that women who aren't in some sort of fitness or health-related line of work really have no idea what guys want to weigh, or should weigh.

An overweight guy with enough self-confidence can get away with walking around, sucking in his gut, and pretending that big automatically translates to muscular.

It may be 'cause society in general has been so much more biased toward them, but I just can't imagine an overweight woman attempting to pull off the same stunt as the overweight guy.

Who knows - maybe I'm reading too much into the study.

Follow me, please: http://twitter.com/jamesburnett.

Caster Semenya

If you don't know that name, Semenya is a South African track star and college student who was raised as a female and has always competed as such.

Between this year and last, she has beaten opponents by such wide margins on the international track scene that competitors began grumbling could not have been born a woman, because she is too muscular, runs like a man, and is just too dominant.

If true, that rumor "probably" would disqualify Semenya from international competition, and negate her prior victories.

After Semenya underwent forced gender testing a few weeks ago, imposed by the International Association of Athletics Federations, some of the results allegedly leaked a few days ago: Allegedly, Semenya has male and female organs, and no uterus. And because of the presence of internal male genitals, Semenya apparently has a testosterone level three times higher than the women she races against. Theoretically, the testosterone makes her stronger, thus faster. So she does have an advantage.

I guess doctors call her scenario "intersex" these days, rather than hermaphrodite, because the latter suggests an individual has two fully functional sets genitalia.

My snap judgment when I first heard about Semenya a month or so ago was that if it was found out the runner was a man, or at least not all woman, then she should be immediately disqualified 'cause international track and field competition has been tarnished enough over the years by cheaters.

But then I got Semenya's whole story: She didn't cheat. She may not be able to bear children, but for the absence of external male parts, she was raised as a girl, treated as a girl, told she was a girl, assumed by her parents to be all girl, because doctors at her birth likely made a visual judgment of her gender.

So, that makes Semenya.......?

She's a good runner. Should she be banned from female competiton, because she's not "all woman," as most of us laypeople define gender? Should she be compelled to compete with men, because she's not "all woman?" That wouldn't work though, 'cause she's not "all man" either. Should the women she races against be forced to run uphill, so to speak, 'cause of Semenya's testosterone advantage? Not like it's their fault her gender has been confused by the adults around her all her life.

One sports ethicist opined that given how she's been raised and her unique circumstances, and the fact that this ship has already sailed, the IAAF has no choice but to allow Semenya to continue competing as a woman.

I feel terrible for Semenya. And I genuinely have no strong opinion on how her competitive situation should be resolved.

What do you think?

PS. Follow me: http://twitter.com/jamesburnett.

A little inspiration: No Barriers Festival 2009

Heard of No Barriers USA? If not, follow the link. It'll take you five minutes to read. Blind can see, and it's not a religious experience. And if you have time watch the videos. Both are short. Both are very good. But the second one is mind-blowing.

Michael Phelps and his bong make me wonder....

whether tongues would still be clucking and fingers wagging, if he'd been secretly photographed eating a giant burger and greasy sack of fries from Crack Ronald's, instead of smoking pot?

I'm not endorsing the puffing and passing of left-handed cigarettes, 'cause I know they're illegal. And I know that cheeseburgers, no matter how full of trans-fat, are legal.

So consider my question a moral one:which is worse, a mind-altering drug that over the long-term can allegedly dim your brain function and in the short term speed your heart rate, or a food item that over the  long term can clog your arteries and in the short-term can contribute to you getting unhealthily fat?

Eh, maybe neither's any good.

But leave Phelps alone. The contents of that bong were probably better for his health than some of those women he was photographed with in Vegas, post-Olympics.

If smoking veggies is the worse thing he does between now and the time he turns gray, someone should sponsor him for a run for public office. 

Quick Takes on the News

• The End of the World as we Know it: I used to joke that we'd only really know the economy was bad when Google cut back. Well, Google cut back. In the grand scheme of things, it's not a dramatic cut - 100 jobs, compared to the tens of thousands other major corporations have cut recently. Still, who would've thought Google was hurting?
• Exercise equipment is not sexy: I'm not even going to try to explain this.
• The Axe Effect is Kind of Real: I'm one of the tens of guys out there who admits to using a body spray in addition to anti-perspirant. My spray of choice? Lately, it's the BK Meat Spray. But in the long run I'm an Axe guy. Anyway, Axe has been claiming for years that there is an Axe Effect that makes its users more appealing to members of the opposite sex. And for years that claim has been taken as a joke. Well, a British scientist tested the "theory" using a group of men as lab monkeys and a group of women as the testers. The most interesting thing about this test to me is that the men who wore Axe showed more confidence in themselves than the men with no fragrance. In turn that confidence apparently "smelled" great to the women, who based on photos, chose the scented guys as more attractive than the unscented guys. So basically guys who smell good have more confidence in themselves than guys who stink. Makes sense to me. The funny exception in this scientific experiment? Guys who were found to be more appealing thanks to the Axe Effect were prone to lose that advantage when they opened their mouths...and said something stupid to the women.
• Comedians are hurting too: I totally forgot to do shameless self promotion on Sunday. Here and here are articles I had in Sunday's paper about the upcoming South Beach Comedy Festival. One of 'em is about how the economy has driven more would-be comics to attempt careers in stand-up. And the other article is about how stand-up comics, unlike their late night TV counterparts, aren't afraid of making fun of President-elect Obama.

New Year's Resolutions On Track

Happy New Year...four days late!

We are off to a good start friends of Burnettiquette.

So far I have abided by my resolutions, which I selected this year based on things I'd like to do, not just things I think I can accomplish. Probably should've been using that standard in past years. After all, it's about the effort, right? So as part of my resolution revolution I've compiled a list of 20 mostly simple goals. I'm tired of plotting to be president, win the Mr. Olympia contest, split the atom, and become underwear model. For whatever strange reason, none of those things has happened for me yet.

But already this year, I have:

1. managed to go shopping with Mrs. B two days in a row and not get demonstrably annoyed over her style of shopping (browse, browse, browse, consider buying, browse, browse, browse, think about it some more, browse, browse, browse, sleep on it and come back tomorrow to browse, browse, browse, then finally buy);
2. lightened my humidor of only one cigar;
3. run a short sprint in an end zone at Dolphins Stadium;
4. stood up to a bully whose "power" source was nothing more than unearned wealth;
5. scored a quality pair of jeans for the first time ever that were 100% comfortable from day one without me having to rough 'em up or wash 'em to soften 'em (I'm no label whore, but bravo Paper Denim & Cloth!);
6. and made it to church on time without having to slink sheepishly past the disapproving ushers.

Still to come in 2009, I aim to:

1. eliminate Dollar Weed from my lawn;
2. begin a grassroots campaign to prove that it's much easier for different types of people to get along with one another when they're simply educated about differences, rather than forced in the name of political correctness to approve of every difference;
3. figure out why the bamboo I'm trying to grow in the back yard isn't thriving;
4. try a Yoga class;
5. resume my Shotokan training with an eye toward reclaiming my black belt and adding a stripe to it;
6. hold my first art gallery show for my painting;
7. land a seven figure consulting gig, jointly paid by the Republican and Democratic national committees, so I can explain to the former why it can no longer blow off some ethnic minorities and remain viable, and explain to the latter why it can't take for granted that youth voters will stay with the Democratic Party just because they support the President-elect;
8. launch five Web sites that I've been laboring over for a long time;
9. hold a mini-promo tour for my first book (more on this later ;-)
10. get my weight to 200 pounds even (I'm not fat! I'm 6-foot-3 and big boned!)
11. wear a bow tie in public at least once a month;
12. gently but firmly educate those friends and acquaintances who incorrectly think that depth of faith is best measured by religious denomination and that liberalism and conservatism can't exist outside the context of political parties;
13. be even prettier than I was in '08;
14. and become a certified, in demand Magic Negro.

Bonus resolutions:

1. Pay my debts - all of 'em;
2. Renew a couple of old friendships.

Friday Roundup

What's crackin' friends? Another business week draws to an end, and I couldn't be happier.

No fanfare here, just our usual list of musings. Please weigh in.

• Murder - Another tragic case of a kid killing another kid unfolded in South Florida this week. Apparently one teenage girl had a crush on another teenage girl but was rejected. The reject brought a gun to school and shot the object of her admiration. The shame of all this is the murder will be politicized in a matter of days. I give till early next week before someone tries to use this as a call for gun control or better school security (the school has metal detectors, but they were apparently turned off and unmanned the day of the killing). Instead - in my humble opinion - there needs to be a greater effort to groom kids at home so that their brains are wired in such a way that shooting someone for not dating you would never cross their minds. Seriously, if I shot every girl who rejected me in my middle and high school years, I'd be a serial killer. Two lives tossed. Damn shame.
• Random Movie Crap - Finally got around to watching Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer last night, 'cause I wasn't willing to pay for it in theaters. And I'm still puzzled about a few things. Is it really necessary for that fiery dude to yell "flame on!" before he sparks up and flies away? I mean, if he doesn't say that will he not ignite? What if he had a slip of the tongue and shoulted "fame on?" Would it work then? Or is yelling "flame on" like yelling "four" on a golf course - only meant to be an advanced warning that a flaming super hero will be passing by shortly? Also, not to be pervy, but Ben Grimm is made of stone. How do he and his girlfriend have a love life, since she's made of meat and skin like the rest of us? And what about "relief" - do kidney stones even matter to him? Just curious. I know, too much time on my hands last night.
• A Fair Question in Politics - Question number 20 on the extensive job application-questionnaire for positions in President-elect Barack Obama's administration asks applicants to "please provide the names and details of any individuals and organizations with which you or your spouse have been associated with which (sic) might present a conflict of interest with your proposed federal office or have the potential for embarrassment." So whether your a fan of the president-elect or not, do you think this question could keep him from getting a job in his own administration, 'cause of past affiliations that "have the potential for embarrassment?" Don't get mad. Just askin'.
• Weird - For some reason I find this tidbit odd. If you don't have time to follow the link it's about a study Folio did on an annual lifestyle magazines survey. One of the results of the study was that the average age of readers of Seventeen magazine is 27. Hmmm. And the average age of Teen Vogue readers is 25.8. Could explain the number of clueless adults - albeit younger adults - still trying to dress like they haven't finished high school.
• Disturbing - With this news that obese kids have the arteries of 45-year-olds, I wonder if all those "funny" ad campaigns aimed at scaring kids away from cigarettes haven't been misdirected. Instead of only spending that money criticizing cartoon characters like Joe Camel for subconsciously urging kids to suck smoke into their lungs, maybe some of those ads should be criticizing Donald CrackRonald for using his kiddie attractions to get kids to suck fatty foods down their throats.
• The Body of Christ - If this guy really does believe literalistic teachings about church communion, then he's a cannibal.

I'm heading for NASA

I may not be literally heading for the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, but if this article is true I have gotten 10 pounds smarter over the past couple of months. And by my math that makes me fit to build a rocket.