By now you probably know that the mother, brother, and nephew of singer and Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Hudson were murdered last week at their Chicago home.
And you probably know that the prime person of interest in police custody is the estranged husband of Hudson's sister, the stepfather of the boy.
I feel sympathy for Hudson and her sister Julia,first and foremost. But beyond that sorry I had to think hard about the blame game in this case.
What prompted my reflection was part of a statement Julia Hudson wrote on her MySpace page about the murders of her mother, brother, and son: "...Now because I chose to do what was natural to me and love someone, it cost me my beautify family my wonderful beautiful loving supporting mother Darnell, my true blue baby brother Jason, I love you Big Baby...And last but never not (sic) least my only son Julian, my innocent baby one that was sheltered from all the evil oin (sic) the world because we loved him so much..."
The logic for her self-flagellation? William Balfour, Julia's estranged husband and the Chicago Police Department's "person of interest," has a lengthy criminal record, peppered with violent behavior, including attempted murder, for which he was convicted and served prison time (from which he may have accidentally been paroled too soon).
I get why Julia Hudson would blame herself. She survived. Her kid and family didn't. Survivor's guilt is a common reaction after this sort of tragedy.
But she's not to blame for the murders. The killer, who hopefully will fry, is to blame.
That being said, let's talk bluntly about relationships. Julia Hudson married this fat head within months of his release from prison. There was no mistaking where he'd been all those years. Reportedly, as their marriage got rocky, Balfour told Julia Hudson repeatedly that while he had girlfriends on the side, if she dated anyone else he'd kill her. Why in the world would she have wanted to hook up with this kind of guy? Again, she's not guilty. If he killed her family, he's guilty. Still, I say my question's a valid one.
A female friend scolded me over this line of thinking earlier this morning, 'cause, she said, Julia Hudson likely had low self esteem.
Ladies, you have to help me understand this self esteem thing. How badly do you have to feel about yourself that when you consider the sort of man you want in your life and your child's life you settle for a violent felon? Why not hold out till a nice guy comes along?
That's all. No more pontification from me. The murders aren't her fault 'cause she didn't commit them, but you can't run away from the fact that this guy didn't have to be in their lives at all.
Peace and prayers to the Hudson family.
