Exposing the practically unfathomable evil of Dave Barry and his plot to take over the world, one booger at a time, is not, strictly speaking, within the purview of a television blog -- that's what my editors say. To which I reply: 1. Dave Barry's plan for world conquest and subjugation is so heinous and depraved that even the crucial task of writing about The O.C. and Veronica Mars must be put side momentarily in order to stop it, and anyway, 2. Dave's World.
So it is that I invite you join me saluting the heroic Anti-Dave Freedom Fighters of Marquette University, who struck a major blow for our cause recently when they demanded that a grad student in the philosophy department remove a "patently offensive" Barry quote that was posted on his office door. Ordinarily this is a family-friendly blog (provided you are a member of the Manson Family) but for you to understand the magnitude of Dave's offensiveness, I'm going to have to reprint his repugnant words here. Women, children and Parents Television Council members, avert your eyes NOW.
As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful, and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government.
Whew. Okay, it's safe to look again. Gad, can you imagine if some innocent Marquette philosophy student had been inadvertently exposed to that tirade? Fortunately, they are under the brave and benevolent protection of Thought Police Chief James South, the chairman of the school's philosophy department, who quickly warned the grad student who put up the offending quote that Marquette is not some anarchic hellhole where people can just go around saying what they think. "While I am a strong supporter of academic freedom, I’m afraid that hallways and office doors are not 'free-speech zones,' " South explained. "If material is patently offensive and has no obvious academic import or university sanction, I have little choice but to take note." Subversive groups like the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education are trying to undermine South, but I'm confident Marquette doorways will soon once again be safe for readers of Herbert Marcuse, Noam Chomsky and Family Circus.
By the way, I myself am an early Anti-Dave Freedom Fighter. I may be the first investigative journalist to have exposed his troubling obsession with sex with dogs.