If you're watching the syndicated version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire that still lurks among the talk shows and soaps of daytime television, you know that nice young Jeff Jones from Texas is winning like crazy. On Wednesday's show, he got all the way up to $250,000, which is approximately 43 years' worth of Miami Herald salary, not that I'm jealous or anything, even though I'm a highly trained professional who performs life-or-death TV critic tasks like clicking the remote 24/7, while he's a guy whose main previous work seems to have been attending keggers at Abilene Christian University, which has apparently undergone some interesting theological revisions since the old days.
Anyway, my crack network of game-show spies tells me that the question Jeff will face for $500,000 when Thursday's show gets under way is this: In the 1982 movie Diner, what is the name of the diner where the main characters hang out? A) Windsor Hills Diner, B) Rosemont Diner, C) Fells Point Diner, D) Allendale Diner.
The correct answer is C, Fells Point Diner. So now you sit back with a smug smile as you watch Jeff -- who, by the way, is all out of the lifeline gimmicks that allow him to seek help from geniuses like us -- squirm around, groping for an answer while beads of sweat pop out on his forehead and his whole life passes through his eyes as he contemplates blowing the $250,000 he's already made on the show and being forced to live in a cardboard box in the West Texas desert the rest of his life. Is television grand or what? If you're watching in South Florida, the fun gets started at 11 a.m. on WSVN-Fox 7.