Burn Notice (10 p.m. Thursday, USA) -- No money, no credit cards, it's 8 million degrees and 10 million percent humidity outside, and traffic is backed up along Biscayne Boulevard to somewhere near the outskirts of Savannah. No, it's not your life -- it's Burn Notice, a new series starring Jeffrey Donovan as a spy tossed aside by his bosses and left to fend for himself in
hell Miami, without so much as a Sunpass to his name. Now he's got to find the evil Leviathan at the heart of the conspiracy against him. FPL? Comcast? Jim Defede? Personally, my money is on that grilled cheese sandwich with the image of the Virgin Mary, which I always thought smelled of a Castro trick.
Screened Out: Gay Images In Film (10:15 p.m. Monday, Turner Classic Movies) -- This month-long film series has finally worked its way into the 1960s. Its offerings Monday include two top-notch movies: The Children's Hour, the 1961 adaptation of Lillian Hellman's play with Audrey Hepburn and Shirley MacLaine as teachers at a girls' school accused of lesbianism by a student, and 1962's Advise & Consent, the first really insightful Hollywood film about politics, with Henry Fonda as the president and Don Murray as a senator with a skeleton swishing in his closet.
Hey Paula (10 p.m. Thursday, Bravo) -- In this new reality series, Paula Abdul presents a serious new side of herself, explaining how a non-rotating black hole's photon sphere traps the particles and moves them along tangential orbits, and performing scenes from Last Year In Marienbad in Aramaic. Well, that's the first episode. In the second, you get to see her swill grain alcohol from her Coke cup during
American Idol tapings, sleep with contestants, and then howl at the moon like a coyote after being hypnotized by Simon Cowell.