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The Root Canal Diet? No? How about the Tequila Diet?

 

Forget 2012! A new world dawns today! For centuries, a cabal of nutritionists, gym instructors and bulimic celebrity authors has withheld from us the simple secret to losing weight fast. But after two weeks on the Miami Herald Fitness Challenge, I have pierced the veil of secrecy -- and though it may cost me my life, I'm ready to tell. It is...

Root canal. Really, that's all it takes: For one of your teeth to turn against its own nerve, ravaging its way through your gum like a pack of hungry zombies at Dadeland Mall. You'll lose weight faster than if you were chained to Richard Simmons. I discovered the Root Canal Diet last week and lost three pounds, a big plus in my Fitness Challenge contest. Read my full story -- including the part about the latest important scientific advances in Diet Tequila -- in Tuesday's Miami Herald.

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