The Miss Turkey Trot and Miss Drumsticks Pageants (9 p.m. Tuesday, TLC) -- In this beauty pageant, the pride of Yellville, Ark., the bare-legged contestants stand behind a cardboard turkey while judges ponder which limbs look the most like drumsticks. The winner gets eaten at a town Thanksgiving feast. OK, the last part's not true. As far as I know.
High Society (9:30 p.m. Wednesday, The CW) -- In a variation on the Miss Drumsticks Pageant, New York celebutantes compete to see whose brain most resembles that of a turkey in this historically stupid and trashy reality show.
True Crime with Aphrodite Jones (10 p.m. Thursday, Investigation Discovery) -- Scott Peterson! O.J.! Phil Spector! Zodiac! Chandra Levy! We never get tired of this stuff! Do we?
Dinoshark (9 p.m. Saturday, Syfy) -- From legendary exploitation producer Roger Corman (surely you saw his Attack of the Crab Monsters or, perhaps, the more subtle Attack of the Giant Leeches), this TV movie is about a Mexican resort terrorized by a half-dinosaur-half-shark. Man, if you threw in a vampire Miss Drumsticks contestant and a zombie New York celebutante, you'd have every significant television genre in one show.
Let me program your TiVo! Just click on my best bets for the week at http://www.tivo.com/guruguide.