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Jimmy Johnson won't survive 'Survivor'

When Jimmy Johnson was football coach at the University of Miami, he told its president to go to hell -- and Jimmyjohnson survived. After coaching the Dallas Cowboys, he mocked the owner for getting a face-lift, compared him to Michael Jackson -- and survived.

Now he's going to Nicaragua as a contestant on the TV show Survivor.

I'm betting on Nicaragua.

Several news outlets reported Wednesday that the 67-year-old Johnson is leaving his fishing boat in the Keys for San Juan del Sur, the beachside town in southern Nicaragua where production of the 21st season of Survivor started earlier this month.

Johnson is a total Survivor geek who never misses an episode and has been trying to make the cast for a couple of years now. He almost succeeded in 2008, but missed the final cut when a physical turned up arterial blockage. Two years later and 30 pounds lighter, he's succeeded.

Good for you, Jimmy. But I've been writing about Nicaragua for a quarter of a century, and I can tell you it's no country for old men, or young men, or men with all their marbles.

It's got wars and volcanoes and hurricanes. It's got vampire bats, for heaven's sake, not to mention loathsome little micro-organisms that would make you throw up if I even told you about them, much less if they got into your gastrointestinal tract. When the first Spanish conquistadores arrived 500 years ago, they nervously sent word home that they had discovered the very mouth of Hell. Read my full column on Johnson's impending doom at the hands of Nicaragua in Thursday's Miami Herald.

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