It's not exactly television, but...
I guess I have to take back all my wisecracks about President Obama's Nobel Peace Prize. No, not because he's finally pulled U.S. troops out of Iraq, except for the 50,000 that he didn't. (Come on, that's close enough for government math.) It's because he's ended crime in America.
The White House's proclamation of victory last week came in the form of six felony indictments against former major league pitcher Roger Clemens for lying to Congress when he said he'd never taken steroids.
The Justice Department didn't actually say the war on crime is over. But if federal prosecutors and the FBI have nothing better to do than trying to put Clemens in jail for 30 years for denying use of a drug that isn't even illegal, then we've obviously reached what the philosophers will soon proclaim is The End of Outlaw History.
People are often surprised and sometimes even offended to learn that you can be charged with a crime for lying to the collection of hacks, loafers, parasites, thieves, pork addicts, page-molesters and general swine who Mark Twain once called America's only native criminal class. Not me. Read my full op-ed column about lies, damn lies and congressmen in Tuesday's Miami Herald.