Gossip Girl (9 p.m Monday, The CW) -- When last we left the Mean Teens of Gossip Girl, that
nice but broody Chuck had just been shot, and that crazy but hot Georgina was knocked up. (Let's make that "hot for somebody who looks like she's carrying around a baby elephant in her stomach.") Now the fourth season gets under way, and Chuck is a vampire! And so is Georgina's baby! Wait, that's another CW show. Well, anyway, I'm sure there's something wrong with them. Nobody stays normal or happy on Gossip Girl for long.
Survivor: Nicaragua (8 p.m. Wednesday, CBS) -- Even with Wayne Huizenga's bankroll behind him, Jimmy Johnson always had trouble getting the Dolphins into the playoffs. Now he's up against Nicaragua which, unlike the Jets or the Patriots, has volcanoes, earthquakes and vampire bats. I don't know what the spread is, but I'm betting on Nicaragua.
Outlaw (10 p.m. Wednesday, NBC) -- In the first of NBC's fall series, Jimmy Smits plays an evil conservative U.S. Supreme Court justice who gets his kicks sending innocent men off to death row. Then he has an epiphany and becomes good, or liberal, which in Hollywood is pretty much the same thing. Now the conservatives are plotting to kill him! A show for the I-lie-awake-at-night-fear-ew
ing-that-Sarah-Palin-might-be-climbing-ew through-my-bedroom-win-dow-to-suck-my-blood demographic.
La Barda (The Fence) (8 p.m. Thursday, HBO) -- A documentary about the $3 billion fence the
United States built along the border with Mexico four years ago. Wanna take a guess about
whether it's stopped illegal immigration?
The League (10:30 p.m. Thursday, FX) -- The most wildly underrated comedy on television returns for a second season with its crew of fantasy-football-league players once again engaged in various quasi-psychotic plots and schemes in support of a hobby that looks more like a felony.
Let me program your TiVo! Just click on my best bests for the week at www.tivo.com/guruguide.