We don't like to talk about it, but basically all of Hollywood prostrates itself before TV critics. Crates of Jack Daniel's, gold ingots fresh out of the mines near Johannesburg, the entire Bolivian coca crop -- anything for a favorable mention in print. And of course the talent is ours for the asking. Here's a photo of me with one recent supplicant.
Okay, you've probably guessed I'm exaggerating slightly. Powerful critics like Walt Bellows and Tom Jicha and Maria Elena Fernandez get all the cool swag and hot dates. I get to be in a fake picture doctored with a weird new iPhone app called Spread Snooki that allows the famous Jersey Shore fistfighter and drunken lunatic to be inserted, Zelig-like, into photos taken by iPhones. Actually, all you really need is a co-worker with waaaaaaaay too much much time on his or her hands, which I have in plenitude.