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If Ebeneezer Scrooge were alive today...

...his metabolically challenged partner Jacob Marley wouldn't have bothered with the complicated logistics of Njhousewives arranging visits from all those various ghosts. Instead, he would have just chained Scrooge to his television set and flipped the channel over to Bravo, which is airing a marathon of Real Housewives of New Jersey from 8:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. on Christmas Day. If that isn't a lurid vision of the afterlife of the damned, I don't know what is.

Hey -- come back here. Dammit, don't turn that TV on....

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