A wicked little bit of satire, in the mode of Jonathan Swift, courtesty of Author Unknown, in Issue #5 of Pet Planet:
Please help! After two long years of being on a waiting list, we have been notified by breed rescue that, at long last, our number has come up and...WE ARE HAVING A PUPPY!
We must get rid of our children IMMEDIATELY because we just know how time-consuming our new little puppy will be and it just wouldn't be fair to the children. Since our little puppy will be arriving on Monday, we MUST place the children for adoption this weekend!
One male, his name is Tommy. Caucasian (English/Irish mix), light blond hair, blue eyes, four years old. Excellent disposition. He doesn't bite. Temperament tested. Does have problems with peeing directly into the toilet. Has had chicken pox and is current on all shots. Tonsils have already been removed. Tommy eats everything, is very clean, house trained and gets along well with others. Does not run with scissors and with a little training, he should be able to read soon.
One female-- her name is Lexie. Caucasian (English/Irish mix), strawberry blond hair, green eyes, quite freckled. On year old. Can be surly at times. Non-biter, thumb sucker. Has been temperament tested but needs a little attitude adjusting occasionally.
She is current on all shots, tonsils out, and is very healthy and can be affectionate. Gets along well with other little girls and boys. Does not like to share her toys and therefore would do best in a one-child household. She is a very quick learner and is currently working on her house training. Shouldn't take long at all.
We really do LOVE our children so much and want to do what's right for them. That is why we contacted a rescue group. But we simply can longer keep them. Also, we are afraid they may hurt our new puppy. I hope you understand that ours is a UNIQUE situation and we have a real emergency here! They MUST be placed into your rescue by Sunday night at the latest or we will be forced to drop them off at the orphanage or along some dark country road. Our priority has to be our new puppy.