And with that lede, MSNBC, you had me at hello.
Yes, researchers snapped shots of a 45-minute encounter in which a 240-pound fur seal sexually assaulted a helpless, 30-pound penguin (left).
Ms. (or Mr.) Penguin put up a fight:
"The hapless bird of unknown sex struggled, rapidly flapping its flippers and attempting to stand and flee, without luck."
The seal, unsuccessful in his brutal efforts, blubbered off to the ocean without a kiss goodbye. Bastard. Penguin, all of us here at Crime Scene are wishing you a full recovery.