We're so smug down here about our "only in Miami" crimes. Puh-leeze. Northwest Florida is putting us to shame today.
Example 1: While being extradited from Texas to Georgia on an identity theft charge, a cross-dressing man named Eugene Smith (left) and his police escort took a bathroom break at Brown's Grocery in Holt, Fla.
There, Smith attacked the deputy, shot pepper spray into his eyes and took off in the patrol car while the deputy fired a bullet through the windshield. Smith unlocked his leg shackles and got away -- for a day. He was arrested when motorists reported a suspicious woman hitchhiking in the area.
Smith pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 25 years in prison, the Northwest Florida Daily News reports.
Example 2: Also from the NWFDN: A newspaper carrier found two decapitated goats on the streets of Fort Walton Beach on Wednesday, bringing THE TOTAL NUMBER OF MUTILATED GOATS TO NINE in recent days. Whoa.
Investigators say they have reason to believe at least eight of the nine goat killings were done by the same person or group, and they have mentioned possible ties to an Afro-Caribbean religion called Palo Mayombe.
Several of the decapitated heads contained cut leaves and twigs, which are being analyzed for evidence that could lead to the goat-killers.