A man strolled into his parents' Hallandale Beach home Wednesday morning, grabbed a Bible and a cross and then asked: Who wants to go for a ride?
He wasn't talking about taking a spin in the family station wagon.
Instead, he was joyriding in a hearse he stole outside a Carver Ranches church -- where a funeral was taking place, according to authorities.
The wild jaunt through Broward ultimately ended back at the church, 5212 Pembroke Rd., but not before the man behind the wheel tried to run over sheriff's deputies, causing one of them to fire at least twice, according to Sheriff Al Lamberti.
Police said hundreds of stolen items that included wicker reindeers, inflatable Santas and plastic snowmen filled a man's home on Monday.
It took police three trucks to recover all of the holiday decorations he allegedly took from Orange County homes. The man remains behind bars on suspiscion of grand theft and possession of stolen property.
While we're on the topic of pee, here's one about a Florida man who stole a fridge full of it.
Police say the Devin Anthony Perry broke into an Alachua County probation office and lifted a small refrigerator with urine samples - his was among them.
The 26-year-old man had tested positive for drugs and was apparently determined to get the contaminated sample back. He shot out the window of the office and took the fridge. He tried to cover his tracks, picking up broken glass from the window and setting a shrub under the window on fire, according to the story in The Gainesville Sun.
The fridge hasn't been found.
Perry, who was on probation for drug charges, now faces charges of arson, destorying evidence, burglary and larceny.
Holy cow, there's a lot of crime news out there with religious twists:
Example 1: Someone stole two bags of cash from a church in Washington, D.C., and the Rev. Bill Hegedusich darted out of the 11 a.m. Mass to chase the crook. The priest recovered one bag with about $60 inside, but the thief got away.
Example 2: Churches are keeping a close eye on their Baby Jesus and Virgin Mary figurines after a rash of Nativity-scene thefts last holiday season. Some are even installing expensive GPS devices and hidden cameras to deter pranksters.
Example 3: A church vs. state battle is playing out in Oakland Park, where city officials want a Catholic mission to take down a concrete Jesus statue (left) they claim is hindering passing motorists.
Experts blame it on something called "mama-bear instinct," where parents tend to get hyper-protective of their kids, along with the sometimes lethal combo of alcohol and Skee-ball.
The article mentions a recent incident at a CEC outside Harrisburg, Pa., where a woman told a boy to "stop hogging" an arcade game and took his tokens out of his hands. The boy's mother allegedly grabbed this woman by the throat and slammed her against the game machine.
I used the Herald's Data Sleuth to see if Miami-Dade's Chuck E. Cheeses have been the sites of recent police activity, but I couldn't find much. Perhaps South Floridians are just better behaved than the rest of the country.