If you believe this story from the UK's Sun tabloid, a 44-year-old Russian man needs to have his penis surgically reattached after a raccoon ripped it off.
But don't feel too sorry for Alexander Kirilov. According to the paper, he was trying to rape the raccoon when he got his nipper nipped.
Here are the stories of two men in "very complicated marriages" who killed their wives for changing their status to "single."
He got drunk, took cocaine and hacked his wife to death with a meat cleaver.
He was sentenced to a minimum of 14 years.
Sarah Richardson, 26, changed her Facebook status to single, moved back in with her parents, and ignored Edward Richardson's text messages.
He broke into her parents home and stabbed her to death.
He was sentenced to a minimum of 18 years.
Reminds me of one of my favorite posts from this here blog -- the green crack bust on St. Patrick's Day.
Omaha police are searching for a man who walked into a local Subway, started filling out a job application, and then abruptly pulled out a knife and robbed the store.
Like the AP says, odds are this dude probably won't get the Sandwich Artist job.
Zachary Moir, 19, threw the taco at his mother, Dena, when she unplugged his Xbox after he wouldn't come for dinner.
When he finally came downstairs he got in her way while she was cleaning, and she pushed him out of the way.
He then slapped her and called her a "retard" before throwing the taco in her face, according to the News-Journal.
This wasn't the first time she'd tried to get her son to leave, police said.
Zachary Moir is in jail on a charge of domestic violence battery.
A Kentucky man made a critical mistake Tuesday when he tried to rob a bank at gunpoint.
It wasn't actually a bank, but the office for the local water district.
When an employee at the Jessamine South Elkhorn Water District told the man there wasn't any cash, he said, "I know you have money. It's a bank.''
The building had been a bank branch until about four months ago.
The man's not the only one who got the buildings confused.
"We've had people come in here asking to cash a check," Diana Clark, the office manager for the water district told the Lexington Herald-Leader.
The man left empty-handed. So far, no arrests have been made.
We'll file this one in the Unfit Criminals Dept.:
Cops in Palm Beach County are looking for a pot-bellied man who tried to rob two ATMs recently while dressed in an all-black ninja getup.
He was unsuccessful both times.
File this one in the Dumb Criminals Dept.:
A carjacker stole a BMW from its owner at gunpoint in Columbus, Ohio, and drove away.
The owner and his friends hatched a plan to send text messages to his phone, which was still in his car. They baited the carjacker by sending texts promising a rendezvous with hot chicks and drugs.
The carjacker fell for it and showed up a few hours later at a designated meeting spot, hoping to find the women and drugs. Instead, cops were waiting for him.
*Thanks to Judi from Dave Barry's Blog for the tip.
The judge said he was competent. He was convicted in the stabbing deaths of his estranged wife and two young kids - he had ripped out their hearts.
Last month, he plucked out his left eye. (The picture at left appears to be before the latest incident.)
He told officers - who found him in his cell with blood on his face - that he ate it.
"Thomas said he pulled out his eye and subsequently ingested it," Jason Clark, a spokesman with the Texas Department of Criminal Justice told the Associated Press. He has been taken to a prison psychiatric unit.
Said his trial attorney, Bobbie Peterson-Cate: "He is insane and mentally ill. It is exactly the same reason he pulled out the last one."
Thomas is on death row for the grisly murders of his estranged wife, 4-year-old son and 13-month old daughter.
Thomas stabbed them to death and ripped out their hearts. He then took the hearts with him and put them in a bag before throwing them in the trash.
Then we went to a police station and tried to stab himself.
* Thanks Shelley for the tip.