Crime Scene

Don't get confused: Medical use is still not allowed in Florida

Every one knows what happens to those who abuse weed, and there are plenty of popular jokes to reference the damage.

Do you know the difference between a drunk and a stoner behind the wheel? It is that the drunk will drive through the stop sign. The pothead waits for it to turn green.

Or have you ever heard the one about the pothead who studied for five days for a urine test?

The Florida Department of Law Enforcement doesn't want that to happen to you. They are afraid that legalizing it for medical purposes would send the wrong message to young people and that the move had to do more with profit than with compassion.

There may be more profits than compassion in this market. The National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws claims that in Florida it's production value is second to oranges and above of sugarcane and grapefruit.

On a mission in Florida, Kim Russell, the founder of People United For Medical Marijuana, is using online social networks to target college students. He hopes to collect 676,811 signatures from registered voters for a petition the Florida Division of Elections already approved. He is on Twitter.

In the meantime punishment remains severe: Posession of 20 grams or less of marijuana can still lead to a year in jail and a $1,000 fine. Selling or growing pot within 1,000 feet of a school, college, public park, public housing, daycare center, or church is still punishable by up to 15 years in prison and carrries a fine of $10,000.

Here is the memo from the U.S. Department of Justice authorizing the medical use of marijuana in state's where it is allowed (AK, CA, CO, HI, ME, MI, MT, NV, NM, OR, RI, VT, and WA).

The real Charlie Free

 You may have read Sunday's story about Jack Hazen (left), a man who robbed a Pompano Beach 7-Eleven back in 1975, escaped from prison, then lived 32 years on the lam under the name Charles Danny Free until being caught again in 2008.

 He's being released today from Dade Correctional Institution in Florida City and will be paroled to Panama City, where he'll have a job and his wife and grown daughters will take care of him.

A colleague who read my story raised a good question: Has anyone ever tracked down the *real* Charles Danny Free, the man whose ID Hazen lifted in order to start his second life? 

A few keystrokes later, I found Charles Danny Free, 63, a nice Southern gentleman living in his hometown of Anderson, S.C. He picked up on the second ring. 

 "I lost my driver's license, and several people used it as their own," he said, explaining he had never been to Jacksonville, where Hazen said he picked up Free's ID at a motel.

Hazen's quiet life as Charlie Free in Las Vegas turned out to be the least of the real Free's problems. Free was a truck driver, and he got fired from two jobs because other people who stole his identity racked up several DUIs.

"It took several weeks to clear that up, but by then they had taken my truck away from me," Free said.

He didn't seem too impressed by Hazen's double life.

"What he did doesn't concern me," Free said.

Florida man loves T-shirt irony

Brad Gellert, left, probably didn't know the day he picked to wear his "I [Heart] My Marriage" shirt was also the day he'd get popped on domestic-abuse charges.

Gellert, 32, of Hillsborough County, allegedly tried to strangle his wife during an argument at their home Sunday night.

The Smoking Gun notes that Gellert's shirt was a promotional item from a recent Christian-themed film starring evangelical actor and former Growing Pains wunderkind Kirk Cameron.

Arrested minister: Let my people go

A minister who was running for Belle Glade city commission got arrested Tuesday night outside a polling place, where he allegedly swung a baseball bat at a woman.

Police and witnesses said the Rev. James Richard Harris (who wound up losing the election, btw) got angry at the woman for "talking to my people" in the polling site's parking lot.

He then said he was "going to crack me some heads," and swung a bat within five feet of the woman's face, according to this Palm Beach Post report. Harris was booked on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

McNugget rage turns to crime

Police in Fort Pierce have charged 27-year-old Latreasa Goodman (left) with misusing the 911 system after she called the emergency number three times to report that her local McDonald's was out of Chicken McNuggets.

"This is an emergency," she said to the 911 operator.Seriously. "My McNuggets are an emergency."

Only in Florida. Ba da ba ba baaaaa. I'm loving it.

Slangin' weed at the drive-thru

This kind of story really makes you think David Simon picked the right city for the backdrop of The Wire.

Cops in Baltimore got a tip Douglas Brice, 27, was selling weed at a local McDonald's drive-thru.

Sure enough, the cops went to investigate and said Brice sold 'em pot when they asked for it with their Quarter Pounders.

Thanks to MenuPages Blog for the tip.

Chalie Simon, accused ball-grabber

Nineteen-year-old Colorado State University sophomore Chalie Simon, left, was arrested last weekend after squeezing her ex-boyfriend's testicles hard enough to warrant assault charges.

The 4 a.m. incident reportedly happened after Simon went over to Job Donker's apartment, angry at him for not texting her as he promised to do, and then finding out he had another woman in his bed.

Donker tried to get her to leave, but that's when the alleged ball-grabbing happened.

The Smoking Gun has the full story, along with the police report.

Woman kills 2 family members, tells police she's Jesus

A Georgia woman who killed two relatives sat in an interrogation room - blood streaked on her hands and face - and told police she was Jesus.

Amy Kern, left, said she drove 400 miles overnight to Port St. Lucie to kill her father because he was Satan and she was Jesus.

When she couldn't find him, she started down Interstate 95, shooting at vehicles.

She then decided she needed to kill her grandmother, but first she stopped at her aunt's house.

She fatally shot her aunt's boyfriend, William Chapman, 59, before continuing to the home of her grandmother, Donna Kern, 80.

She beat her grandmother - who fought back - with a tire iron.

Family members said Amy Kern is bipolar schizophrenic, who suffered from post partum depression after having a baby.

She had tried to check herself into a mental hospital in Georgia after midnight on Saturday.

 The Palm Beach Post has the story.

Man fondles blowup dolls at Publix

Attention Publix shoppers: Pay no attention to the man in the parking lot having sex with blowup dolls in his car.

Police in Cape Coral say 51-year-old George Bartusek was charged with trespassing and disturbing the peace after being spotted "inappropriately touching" two sex dolls.  

One anonymous witness told reporters, "As I walk by I see this guy with two blowup dolls, kissing them and bouncing them."

Police confiscated the dolls, who may or may not resemble the one here.

'Hello, 911? Wait while I buy drugs'

Alejandro Melendez could be a walking PSA for how drugs can scramble your brain.

Police say the Cleveland man called 911 on Saturday night to say two men with guns were spying on him, then he hung up.

The 911 dispatcher called back Melendez's cellphone, and Melendez picked up and asked the dispatcher to hold on. This what the dispatcher heard someone else say to Melendez:

"What you need, a 10-pack? You need a 10-pack? All right." (A 10-pack is slang for a bundle of heroin with a street value around $800-$1,200.)

The 911 center sent police to Melendez's location, where they found crack in his pocket and arrested him.