'Hello, 911? Wait while I buy drugs'

Ap_911_call_070705_mn Alejandro Melendez could be a walking PSA for how drugs can scramble your brain.

Police say the Cleveland man called 911 on Saturday night to say two men with guns were spying on him, then he hung up.

The 911 dispatcher called back Melendez's cellphone, and Melendez picked up and asked the dispatcher to hold on. This what the dispatcher heard someone else say to Melendez:

"What you need, a 10-pack? You need a 10-pack? All right." (A 10-pack is slang for a bundle of heroin with a street value around $800-$1,200.)

The 911 center sent police to Melendez's location, where they found crack in his pocket and arrested him.

Google helps cops bust pot farmers

Google_earth_1 A buzzworthy story out of Switzerland today, where police say they used satellite images from Google Earth to sniff out a big marijuana crop.

It helped cops find a two-acre field where more than 1.2 tons of pot was growing. They arrested 16 people in what investigators said was a "interesting chance discovery."

Burglar steals meat and lube

EROS Police outside Atlanta are searching for a perp who broke into a 26-year-old woman's home and stole exactly four items from her freezer:

-Chicken legs ($10)

-Pork ribs ($10)

-Ground beef ($10)

-Eros-brand personal lubricant ($40)

Two notable things here. First, I resisted the urge to use a MasterCard-esque "priceless" joke. And secondofly: Lube in the freezer?!? Really? Sounds p-p-p-painful.

And that's why you don't molest a raccoon

If you believe this story from the UK's Sun tabloid, a 44-year-old Russian man needs to have his penis surgically reattached after a raccoon ripped it off.

But don't feel too sorry for Alexander Kirilov. According to the paper, he was trying to rape the raccoon when he got his nipper nipped.


Heroin has presidential seal

  0123091obama1Barack Obama's inauguration was a real rush for some people, including some drug-slangers in upstate New York, who took the opportunity to brand their baggies with the new president's name.

The Smoking Gun has the story.

Reminds me of one of my favorite posts from this here blog -- the green crack bust on St. Patrick's Day.

Subway: Steal fresh

Subway_Logo_Large Looks like those annoying "Five Dollar Footlong" commercials finally made someone reach their breaking point.

Omaha police are searching for a man who walked into a local Subway, started filling out a job application, and then abruptly pulled out a knife and robbed the store.

Like the AP says, odds are this dude probably won't get the Sandwich Artist job.

Mom unplugs Xbox, son fires back with taco

Mug_zacharymoirA taco to the face landed a Central Florida teen in jail.

Zachary Moir, 19, threw the taco at his mother, Dena, when she unplugged his Xbox after he wouldn't come for dinner.

When he finally came downstairs he got in her way while she was cleaning, and she pushed him out of the way.

He then slapped her and called her a "retard" before throwing the taco in her face, according to the News-Journal.

This wasn't the first time she'd tried to get her son to leave, police said.

Zachary Moir is in jail on a charge of domestic violence battery.

Would-be robber mistakes water office for bank

A Kentucky man made a critical mistake Tuesday when he tried to rob a bank at gunpoint.

It wasn't actually a bank, but the office for the local water district.

When an employee at the Jessamine South Elkhorn Water District told the man there wasn't any cash, he said, "I know you have money. It's a bank.''

The building had been a bank branch until about four months ago.

The man's not the only one who got the buildings confused.

"We've had people come in here asking to cash a check," Diana Clark, the office manager for the water district told the Lexington Herald-Leader.

The man left empty-handed. So far, no arrests have been made.

Attack of the chubby ninja

Image_8161089 We'll file this one in the Unfit Criminals Dept.:

Cops in Palm Beach County are looking for a pot-bellied man who tried to rob two ATMs recently while dressed in an all-black ninja getup.

He was unsuccessful both times.

Carjackers foiled by txt msgs

Cellphonetexting File this one in the Dumb Criminals Dept.:

A carjacker stole a BMW from its owner at gunpoint in Columbus, Ohio, and drove away.

The owner and his friends hatched a plan to send text messages to his phone, which was still in his car. They baited the carjacker by sending texts promising a rendezvous with hot chicks and drugs.

The carjacker fell for it and showed up a few hours later at a designated meeting spot, hoping to find the women and drugs. Instead, cops were waiting for him.   

*Thanks to Judi from Dave Barry's Blog for the tip.

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