Subway: Steal fresh

Subway_Logo_Large Looks like those annoying "Five Dollar Footlong" commercials finally made someone reach their breaking point.

Omaha police are searching for a man who walked into a local Subway, started filling out a job application, and then abruptly pulled out a knife and robbed the store.

Like the AP says, odds are this dude probably won't get the Sandwich Artist job.

Attack of the chubby ninja

Image_8161089 We'll file this one in the Unfit Criminals Dept.:

Cops in Palm Beach County are looking for a pot-bellied man who tried to rob two ATMs recently while dressed in an all-black ninja getup.

He was unsuccessful both times.

Carjackers foiled by txt msgs

Cellphonetexting File this one in the Dumb Criminals Dept.:

A carjacker stole a BMW from its owner at gunpoint in Columbus, Ohio, and drove away.

The owner and his friends hatched a plan to send text messages to his phone, which was still in his car. They baited the carjacker by sending texts promising a rendezvous with hot chicks and drugs.

The carjacker fell for it and showed up a few hours later at a designated meeting spot, hoping to find the women and drugs. Instead, cops were waiting for him.   

*Thanks to Judi from Dave Barry's Blog for the tip.

Police brass hand out toys on Three Kings Day

Threekingscolor500x300 A special welcome to guest blogger and Herald intern Carolina Navarro, who brings us this piece of feel-goodery courtesy of the Miami PD:

The Miami Police Department along with the Little Havana NET service center hosted a toy giveaway Tuesday to spread happiness this holiday season.

Toys were donated to 20 children, mostly ages four to six, from underprivileged families in the Little Havana area.

"They brought a smile to them," said Commander David Sanchez, who helped distribute gifts from a big red bag. "When they saw we brought toys they went crazy."

The drive took place at the Abriendo Puertas Center at 3 p.m., where Sanchez, Police Chief John Timoney and Commissioner Joe Sanchez came as the Three Kings to hand out toys. The chief and commander showed up in uniform on a horse-drawn caravan.

A county employee searches for help

Looks like someone using a Miami-Dade County government computer searched for "How to set up a police +perimter" [sic] and wound up at the crime blog of our sister paper The Tacoma News Tribune.

Could it have been a MDPD officer looking for advice unavailable in the department's how-to manual? Maybe someone in the county manager's office trying to switch careers and studying for the police academy test? We may never know.

*Thanks to colleague (and former Herald intern) Ian for the tip. Maybe one day he'll teach me how to look up IP addresses and search terms from our blog? 

'Burn his penis so it belongs to me'

Heartonfirescreensaverscreenshot An Australian woman has been charged with murder after setting her husband's penis on fire, killing him.

Rajini Narayan, 44, allegedly got jealous after seeing her husband hug another woman. After her husband went to sleep, Narayan doused his genitals in alcohol and lit him on fire.

The blaze also caused about $700,000 worth of damage to their townhouse.

Police said Narayan told them: "I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else." 

This story takes last week's penis-biting several steps too far.

*Thanks to Lisa's lede list for the tip

Drugged holy water makes Top 10 border busts

Everyone loves Top 10 lists as we head into the New Year. Here's one from U.S. Customs and Border Protection, highlighting its newsiest busts of 2008:

Download cbps_top_10_enforcement_events_of_2008.htm

Think my favorite is No. 10, where a dude tried to bring bottles of "holy water" in through the U.S.-Canada border in upstate New York.

Upon further review, the holy water turned out to be liquid ketamine, the animal tranquilizer sometimes used as a human date-rape drug.

Fla. woman jailed after biting hubby's penis

Let's get this out right off the bat: There is nothing funny about domestic violence or sexual abuse.

Now, let's talk about this story out of Deltona: A 27-year-old woman was arrested after biting her husband's penis because she didn't want to have sex with him.

Charris Bowers (click the link above for a pic) told police she and husband Delou came home from a bar Friday night when Delou took off his clothes and tried to force himself on her.

Charris says she bit her husband's penis to get him away from her. The responding police officer saw the private-part injuries, photographed them for evidence, and charged Charris with misdemeanor battery.

*Thanks to Crime Scene's own Jen for the tip. Feel better, partner.

Man dies after ride with cop

Mcdonalds A drifter named Anibal Ocasio flagged down a police officer near Indianapolis on Sunday night. Because it was freezing outside and Ocasio wasn't wearing warm clothes, the cop told Ocasio to get in his cruiser to warm up.

The officer then dropped off Ocasio at a nearby McDonald's, where his body was discovered the next morning by a garbage hauler. He died of natural causes.

The Indy Star reports that the cop wasn't able to drive Ocasio where he wanted to go because it was out of the cop's district, so he figured McDonald's would be the next best thing. The officer, a volunteer reserve Hamilton County deputy, did nothing wrong but feels bad about what happened, his bosses say.

Said department spokeswoman Vicky Dunbar: "We're not a taxi service." 

*Thanks to David for the tip.

Oldest prisoner's rap sheet "like a book"

Naau837_rememb_dv_20081219165015 The Wall Street Journal ran an interesting obit over the weekend, memorializing Nicholas Montos, who died this month at 92 -- the oldest prisoner in Massachusetts.

Montos' criminal career began when he stole a saxophone at age 14 and stretched seven decades. He served time in Alcatraz, escaped from chain gangs and twice found himself on the FBI's Most Wanted list.

His specialty was cracking safes -- and it turned out to be his last act of criminal mischief.

According to the obit, Montos was 78 years old in 1995 when he tried to break in to the safe at a Newton, Mass., antiques store. The granny who owned the shop smacked Montos over the head with a bat, and the coppers hauled him off to jail, where he died Dec. 3, 2008.

*Thanks to Taylor for the tip.

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