I wish he was just joking. But he wasn't smiling and actually said he was not kidding.
"I'm serious," Brandon Marshall said.
I assume he knows better. But I'm not sure any more because some things are impossible to figure out and Marshall is one of those, right up there with the true purpose for Area 51, the final number for Pi, and women.
But still, one has to react with a proverbial SMH when you hear what Marshall today said his gameplan would be for the nationally telecast Monday night game between Miami and New York.
"Hey man, I’m just going to let it out. I don’t care if they have two or three cameras on me. I don’t care if I have penalties, it doesn’t matter. I’m going to let it all out,” Marshall said. “I don’t know if it’s throwing a football 15 yards in the bleachers and getting a 15-yard (penalty) or punting the ball and getting thrown out of the game, something’s going to happen. I’ll probably get kicked out after the second quarter.
"I’m going to have fun on Monday Night Football, that’s all I can say."
Young. Misguided. Not an intelligent thing to say.
"Obviously, Brandon was 50-percent kidding," coach Tony Sparano said in defense.
Um, no coach, he wasn't. At least he said he wasn't.
“My goal is to get thrown out midway through the second quarter. Hopefully I achieve that,” he said. “Whatever it takes, that’s what I need to get the season going.
"No, I’m not joking. I’m serious,” he added. “They’re going to fine me -- probably going to be like a $50,000 fine. That quarter-and-a-half I’m out there, I’m going to play like a monster. I might get in a fight with Bart Scott, (Antonio) Cromartie -- we used to fight in Denver and San Diego. If that happens, that happens, so we’ll see."
Let's see ... Can you rationalize that one for us, coach?
"I know one thing about that guy," Sparano added, "he's not going to do anything to hurt this football team. I know the people in that locker room are important to him, and this guy has worked really hard."
Some thoughts: The truth is Marshall has indeed at times hurt the team. He got a 15-yard personal foul penalty against Chicago last year, wiping out a 16-yard reception, when he threw the football at Chicago Bears quarterback and former Denver teammate Jay Cutler, who was on the bench at the time.
He had issues with offensive coordinator Dan Henning and quarterbacks coach David Lee last year. And his relationship with starter Chad Henne was rocky at best. So, I'm not exactly embracing the coach's defense of Marshall.
Obviously, Sparano has to make that semi-believable defense because he might lose the enigmatic Marshall if he tells everyone that talking about getting into a fight during a game -- four days before the game -- is premeditated stupidity. It is basically telling the officiating crew that you must be watched every single moment.
It is ... what's the word ... oh, yeah ... dumb.
Sparano cannot say that because, well, Sparano needs Marshall. Marshall is still Miami's best wide receiver.
But he is not Miami's most professional wide receiver. The comments today show that.
He is not Miami's most efficient wide receiver. He's dropped at least three, and more likely four, TD passes in four games. (It depends on how one judges the difficulty of one of those).
Marshall explained his comments, saying he felt he was containing his emotions too much this season. And by doing so, he had limited himself on the field. Thus, he reasoned, it is time to unleash his inner "monster," as he put it.
I got a better idea: I say the Dolphins unleash this monster altogether.
The trade deadline is Tuesday. Put Marshall on the block. If you can get a second-rounder for him, do it and cut losses. Be done with the inner or outer monster. Move on.
Of course, I'm being optimistic here. Nobody will give a second-round pick for Marshall although Miami gave two second-rounders for him last year. His worth has dropped like a rock in the last year.
Would trading Marshall now diminish the Dolphins this season? Maybe.
But you know what? The Dolphins will not fold as a franchise without him. Fact is no team Marshall has played on has made the playoffs. If you're not going to the playoffs with him, what's the big deal of not having him?
Trading Marshall would clear cap space for Miami for next season. Trading Marshall would give the Dolphins an extra pick next year. So what's the argument against it, again?
The truth is the Dolphins are an organization that is already looking to brighter days in 2012 and beyond. Those brighter days ostensibly include a young franchise QB. You're going to ask a young QB to deal with an alpha receiver whose best thinking for improving his game is to get thrown out of a game?
I don't know if anyone would give a second-rounder for Brandon Marshall. Fine. Do I hear a third?