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Birthday gifts from the Dolphins to ... me!

Yesterday was my birthday. I was born November 3, 1962. You do the math, if you can.

Anyway, I just got done opening up all the gifts the Dolphins got me this year. They're such a wonderful group, these big palookas. I've covered them since 1990 and they always reward my annual passing of time with gifts galore.

This year was no different. So let me share with you what I got from the Dolphins for my birthday:

From cornerback Vontae Davis and running back Daniel Thomas: Advice on how to condition my hamstrings.

From linebacker Kevin Burnett: That loud stereo he always plays in the locker room, which by total coincidence he turns up every single time any media is in the locker room so as to screw up everyone's interviews.

From linebacker Jason Taylor: A mirror. He's got thousands.

From right tackle Marc Colombo: A free pass to quarterback Matt Moore. I thought it was a special gift until I noticed he gives away a lot of these.

From receiver Brandon Marshall: Some of that extra gravity that follows him everywhere. He last used it against the Jets when it inexplicably carried him from the middle of the field to the sideline and out of bounds.

From defensive end Phillip Merling: His game day uniform. He hasn't used it lately and my guess is he won't need it much the rest of the season.

From guard Vernon Carey: Diet tips. I need them. And he hasn't been using them lately, anyway.

From receiver Clyde Gates: An onfield exhibition of his alleged speed which I have yet to see in an actual game.

From linebacker Koa Misi: Oh, didn't get anything from him. Haven't seen him in a long, long time.

From the entire rest of the organization: Plane tickets to the playoffs. They know they won't need them.

From coach Tony Sparano: The unvarnished truth, for once, about how terrible his players are playing.

From GM Jeff Ireland: Jeff? Where are you, Jeff? Jeff? It's my birthday, man!

From owner Stephen Ross: A job. This organization will have many coming open very soon.

[VIDEO ANNOUNCEMENT: It is a Football Fanatic Friday on Armando and the Amigo today. Alonzo Highsmith, Bernie Kosar and Sean Salisbury will be joining the show today. We can be heard on 640-AM in South Florida and seen if you click here as a LIVE streaming videocast. You can participate -- agree or disagree -- by texting the show, chiming in on the live chat, or calling the show toll free from anywhere in the United States at 1-888-640-9385.]