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Birthday gifts from the Dolphins to ... me!

Yesterday was my birthday. I was born November 3, 1962. You do the math, if you can.

Anyway, I just got done opening up all the gifts the Dolphins got me this year. They're such a wonderful group, these big palookas. I've covered them since 1990 and they always reward my annual passing of time with gifts galore.

This year was no different. So let me share with you what I got from the Dolphins for my birthday:

From cornerback Vontae Davis and running back Daniel Thomas: Advice on how to condition my hamstrings.

From linebacker Kevin Burnett: That loud stereo he always plays in the locker room, which by total coincidence he turns up every single time any media is in the locker room so as to screw up everyone's interviews.

From linebacker Jason Taylor: A mirror. He's got thousands.

From right tackle Marc Colombo: A free pass to quarterback Matt Moore. I thought it was a special gift until I noticed he gives away a lot of these.

From receiver Brandon Marshall: Some of that extra gravity that follows him everywhere. He last used it against the Jets when it inexplicably carried him from the middle of the field to the sideline and out of bounds.

From defensive end Phillip Merling: His game day uniform. He hasn't used it lately and my guess is he won't need it much the rest of the season.

From guard Vernon Carey: Diet tips. I need them. And he hasn't been using them lately, anyway.

From receiver Clyde Gates: An onfield exhibition of his alleged speed which I have yet to see in an actual game.

From linebacker Koa Misi: Oh, didn't get anything from him. Haven't seen him in a long, long time.

From the entire rest of the organization: Plane tickets to the playoffs. They know they won't need them.

From coach Tony Sparano: The unvarnished truth, for once, about how terrible his players are playing.

From GM Jeff Ireland: Jeff? Where are you, Jeff? Jeff? It's my birthday, man!

From owner Stephen Ross: A job. This organization will have many coming open very soon.

[VIDEO ANNOUNCEMENT: It is a Football Fanatic Friday on Armando and the Amigo today. Alonzo Highsmith, Bernie Kosar and Sean Salisbury will be joining the show today. We can be heard on 640-AM in South Florida and seen if you click here as a LIVE streaming videocast. You can participate -- agree or disagree -- by texting the show, chiming in on the live chat, or calling the show toll free from anywhere in the United States at 1-888-640-9385.]

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And many other things.

Happy Birthday Armando !!!! hey tell the Herald to find a bigger room for the broadcast, because the small room and the Amigo with the hat looks like a poker room in the 30's

Deviating a bit from Birthdays, yesterday, at the insistence, I checked out(what I could see from those miserable old reels), a few of the other top ranked College QB's besides Luck. IMO, we have to keep on praying for Suck for Luck.

Actually now that i think about it, i'll cdo the traade as well. Im tired of not having a Franchise QB! But people says it might take what Ditka traded for Ricky to get the first pick.

ltcdolphin,

If the new GM has Luck and Landry both pegged to be equally good, then they wouldn't need to trade. Since I am not a scout, and haven't seen much of Landry, I really can't make an intelligent assessment of both of them. Just going off what I've heard and read, it seems Luck is the closest thing to a sure thing since Peyton or Elway. I haven't heard the same about Jones. But again, I'm willing to stand behind the GM's choice (as long as it's not Ireland).

Itc, if that's the team's opinion then I'm fine with it. I will defer to the experts. I just know I want and need a 1st round talent quarterback. I don't care if his name is Andrew Luck or Landry Jones or Rumplestilskin ..

what if his name was Mike Hunt?

Ireland is smellier than Mike Hunt, so yes, I'd be fine with his opinion on the matter.

happy birthday MANDO.

when the dolphins knock themselves out of contention before the first half of the season, 49 becomes a wasted blur to 50 as you begin to think that next season can't come fast enough. hope you have a great weekend.

NICE!!!! Just relived 4th grade, calling the bowling alley.

Hell, things have changed so much, that Mark in Toronto may be right. After Luck, just go with a hunch.

Mike Hunt, from the classic Canadian film, Porky's! Love the reference!

What if his name is Dick Hurtzer?

Poizen,

You missed a heck of a day last Sunday. You would have been surprised, there were a bunch of Dolphins fans there. I was sitting in an aisle seat, so they were all giving me fist bumps as they walked by.

And the Giants fans were SH*TTING in their boots for 3.5 quarters. Finally started ragging on me end of game.

LOL, DC There are a lot of Phin fans in NY. Sorry I missed it eould have liked to have met you... next time i hope.

Tommie Kramer of porkeys committed suicide last night. bummer, great movies.

How about the real lie baseball player

Rusty Kuntz

real life i mean. :)

Why not? Hunches have been part of Everybody's Life. And in most cases, they have been right. Ya'hear, LV?

or the old falcons draft pick

Dusty Bonner

i am getting carried away here.

Oh, I think the Porkeys guy Was tommie turner now that I tink about it... Sorry.

Man, Ronnie's shower scene with Beulah Ballbreaker was classic!!

Rip my friend

Sorry, Tommy not Ronnie

yes it was... the whole movie is full of classic moments!

You should never eat Spam right out of the can. We Cuban refugees found that out when the USA Army gave us part of our rations. We looked at all that congealed grease and one of our elders said, fry it. Fry it well.

Poizen,

Don't forget the Lions Harry Colon.

How can a parent do that to their kid?

PS: Happy B-Day Mando!!!!

Beulah Ballbreaker? That's some kind of name.


Ross is going to bring Peterson in as the new GM. Is he any good?

Posted by: Spiderman | November 04, 2011 at 12:48 PM

The Cheifs were 176-141-1 with Peterson at the helm. Peterson hired Marty Schottenheimer. The Cheifs were the NFL's winningest team in the 1990's, won four AFC West Championships and went to the only AFC Championship in the teams history.

Three Kansas City assistant coaches ultimately led their teams to SuperBowl wins; Bill Cowher, Tony Dungy and Mike McCarthy.

Indie's goons continue to throw games to ensure they get Luck anyway... So I don't know why we even talk about it. They'll make sure they have another Peyton an playoffs for another 12 years... Friggen scumbags.

Humm, sounds good, Judy. And what else..

Burnett can turn up the stereo but can not play
in coverage. Y. Bell gets upset because Reggie Bush says they stink what else can he say? I say in order to get this turned around we need to sacrafice a Kardashian any will do but Kim she is fine and that ass is stuffed.

Mando bringing the blind side blitz on this inept team. Nice job on this one Mando. Really nice brother.

LOL...I'm still laughing.

I appreciate a man that stands up for what he believes. I'm sure you didn't make any friends with the organization with this post. However, you've made plenty of friends who believe in exactly what you wrote.

Keep up the great work and keep the spotlight on these fools.


Humm, sounds good, Judy. And what else..

Posted by: oscar canosa | November 04, 2011 at 02:31 PM

Four NFL General Managers served in the team's front office under Peterson: Tom Dimitroff(Atlanta), Mark Dominik(Tampa), John Schneider(Seattle) aaaandd, (drumroll please)............Jeff Ireland(Miami)

BREAKING NEWS!

Citizens of the Kansas City area, where miffed and confused as to why a pick up truck was delivering a life size full color statue of Jeff Dallenbach in his classic 3 point stance. Why a dolphins statue in KC you ask?

After further investigation the jersey number and name were completly wrong, and everyone realized that mark columbo was being delivered to the dolphins as he was still concentrating getting out of his week one 3 point stance.

All things are back to normal at Kansas City, and Matt Moore feels less protected at this point.

Err, Judy, I meant, what else is going on in your life...

Retranslated:

From cornerback Vontae Davis and running back Daniel Thomas: Advice on how not to condition my hamstrings.

From linebacker Kevin Burnett: How to use a loud stereo in the locker room to screw up media interviews.

From linebacker Jason Taylor: A mirror. He's got thousands. Its all about me, me, me!

From right tackle Marc Colombo: A free pass to I thought I blocked that guy.

From receiver Brandon Marshall: Gravity wears a Jet defender uniform.

From defensive end Phillip Merling: His season long clean game day uniform. He won't need it much the rest of the season.

From guard Vernon Carey: Diet tips. I need them. And he hasn't been using them lately, anyway.

From receiver Clyde Gates: An onfield exhibition of his alleged speed which I have yet to see in an actual game.

From linebacker Koa Misi: Oh, didn't get anything from him. Haven't seen him in a long, long time.

From the entire rest of the organization: Plane tickets to the playoffs. They know they won't need them.

From coach Tony Sparano: The unvarnished truth, for once, about how terrible his players are playing.

From GM Jeff Ireland: Jeff? Where are you, Jeff? Jeff? It's my birthday, man!

From owner Stephen Ross: A job. This organization will have many coming open very soon.

Oscar is working on his Night Moves!

Peterson wasn't a coach. The teams he built, the talent he aquired was CLASSIC 90's football. I almost want to say "Parcellian" in nature(choke/puke).

I'm not sold on Peterson at all, to the contrary, I think I'd be against it.

Having said all that, in much the same way years of Hennings made Daboll SEEM like an upgrade, I'm afraid Ireland will do the same for Peterson.

I'm sure he'll be better than Ireland, but like Daboll, I question whether it'll be enough in this pass happy day and age.

Sincerely, Lost and Disillusioned Odinseye :(

Hey guys I'm soft as bread and rarely have the balls to stick to my thoughts and opinions

Poizen2=Marc Columbo.

Did I ever tell you guys the awesome story of me playing QB. That's right I'm a QB and knows what it takes to play QB.

Ya see my name Poizen comes from the word Poise which my coach always said I had a lot of.

Here we go - Another imposter, i am out all...talk to you Monday... Anything beyond this is an imposter...

I always had a great arm since birth. I wanted to play in college but a horrific double arm and leg injury prevented me from ever making it.

I still have the smarts and accuracy to make it happen if I could only no be short, fat and bald


Y. Bell gets upset because Reggie Bush says they stink what else can he say? I say in order to get this turned around we need to sacrafice a Kardashian any will do but Kim she is fine and that ass is stuffed.

Posted by: robert | November 04, 2011 at 02:31 PM


Are you suggesting Reggie share some Kardashain Bush to inspire teammates to new heights?

I'm not sure it'll work, but hey, if he needs a guinea pig to try it out on, I'm all in!

Man!

This blog needs MORE cowbell................

The best scene in Porky's has to be in the principles office when Ballbricker asks for the lineup to find the moley tallywackle!

I think I'll go put the final cut on the lawn and winterize the pool.

Time to batten down the hatches, it's going to be a Loooooooooooooooooooooooong winter!

Wake me up when we draft Luck.

PS: I doubt it happens, but I hope we resign Henne as Luck's backup.

Hey Joe!

Whazzup Brother?

How have you been? Long time no see my old friend.

Geez Joe, I'm not sure if I was just mentioning your name above or talking about you?

Not sure if there's much difference either?

What says you BROTHER? In my post at 3:25 am I talking about you or "Just Mentioning Your Name"?

Sheesh..............................

Good one Joe,

What about Cherry Forever or the gym scene where the teacher bangs the female gym teacher and everyone loses it while playing basketball. They don't make comedy like that anymore!!

Joe Rose is a better radio host than you, but Happy B-Day anyway...I wonder if this will get deleted..Every time ,I mention Joe Rose I get wiped from the blog...Go Dolphins

Cassel is going to do his best Brady impersonation and completely dismantle the Fins with play action passes.

We'll hang in there to ABOUT the half. From there on, it'll be a roast!

**More Useless Predictions**

I predict Luck has a NEAR Record Setting Day!

Barkley not so much :)

All 3 of the Porky's are great, especially the first 2. Cherry forever scene was hilarious!

How about the graveyard scene in P2? Classic!

Joe!

How come you NEVER talk to me?

Just speak to me Joe, please!

The seasons in the tank, SpOrano is gone, the dream is OVER!

December is going to be cold and lonely Joe, I don't think I can make it without you!

Speak to me Joe, Speak to me..............(sigh)................

So you turn 49, what kind of die are you using on your hair? be honest please, Just for men?
I dont see the Dolphins winning one game this year i would almost bank on that.

Don't think I've ever seen Porkys uncut. Sounds like must rent tv.


From linebacker Kevin Burnett: That loud stereo he always plays in the locker room, which by total coincidence he turns up every single time any media is in the locker room so as to screw up everyone's interviews.

-Armando Salguero-

Dear Mr. Salguero,

If the next time you enter the locker room and you notice all the other players leaving quickly and not making eye contact, you may want to watch your back.

Burnett's loud stereo might be covering up more than the sounds of a screwed up interview.

Just saying...............

Happy 49th Mando! BTW, glad to see you're getting as cynical as the rest of us...

The graveyard scene was great too. That librarian had some kind of rack.

Chris, do yourself a favour and watch the movies uncut. So funny. At one time the original Porky's was the most profitable movie ever. It was made for a song and even received grants from the Canadian government and went on to become a box office pariah.

Little known fact about Porkey's. My ex girlfriend's Uncle made the soundtrack for that movie. He's been set up with a nice life ever since. Doesn;t do anything except walk to the mailbox to pick up royalty cheques.

Armando, isnt it about time you change that picture on your blog? You dont even look like that anymore. Your older and fatter.

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