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Priority Mail

Directly from the official FIU Police Department reports. I will withhold editorial comment on various parts of the report (well, except for two).

Last Wednesday, a U.S. Postal Service Priority Mail box in the University Park Towers mailroom drew the olfactory attention of a young woman. She thought it smelled like marijuana, so she found the RA, who got hold of a couple of FIU police. One of the cops had the same olfactory sensation. Investigations showed up and took the package.

The package was marked as sent from "Hauptmann, 8306 Wilshire Boulevard, #985, Beverly Hills, CA 90211." The recipent was "Caylin Hauptmann, Florida International University, The Towers, Room 616B, 11150 SW 14th Street, Miami, FL 33174."

So, a pair of cops rolled over to 616. The door handle was dislodged from the door. Police knocked loudly to no answer. Worried that a burglary had taken place, they contacted the RA. The RA granted them access "to verify the residents safety and if there had been a crime committed," investigator Richard Diaz wrote.

Once in the common area, they saw FIU student Prince Matt. Diaz wrote, "a strong smell of marijuana eminated from his room. Once inside, in plain view, were approximately six stems of suspected marijuana."

After a field test, Diaz said, "Matt observed the evidence and immediately, spontaneously stated that the marijuana was his."

Editorial comment No. 1: So bad luck tipped up on Matt the way it used to on Leon Spinks. Search YouTube for Richard Pryor, Leon Spinks and cocaine for a link to the routine I would include or link to but can't because of language.

Thursday, investigator Kenneth Manuel writes, "Mr. George Hauptmann called and advised that his son, Caylin, was coming to FIUPD to pick up his United States Postal Service Priority Mail package (box). However, Mr. George Hauptmann was concerned that his son, Calyn, had to come to FIUPD to pick up a package that was sent by his mother and addressed to Caylin. Mr. Hauptmann was informed about the circumstances of the package and that Caylin would have to come to FIUPD to pick it up. Caylin never responded to FIUPD to pick up his package."

Next day, Manuel writes, at 5:17 in the afternoon, "Mr. George Hauptmann called again on behalf of his son, Caylin Hauptmann, in regards to his United States Postal Service Priority Mail package (box) address (sp) to Caylin. Mr. Hauptmann said that he (Caylin) did not want the package because it was tampered with or does not want anything to do with the package reference, his chance of being drafted in the NFL. At this time, Mr. Hauptmann stated that we (FIUPD) could take sole custody of the pacakge or return it to University Park Tower, where it was delivered to."

FIUPD took the package. An inventory of the box totalled 1. Five micellaneous bags of chips. 2. Two photos. 3. One card. 4. One check from George Hauptmann for $575 5. "Approximate one gram of Medical Cannabis (Indica)."

Editorial comment 2: One gram? A quick canvas of my comrades more experienced in this kind of personal recreation say either a) that's barely enough to roll a joint or b) three or four joints. And that's what was giving off all this strong smell?

According to an FIU Police Department spokesman, FIU's former starting left tackle was never in custody of any law enforcement agency.

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