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Florida goes vinyl; Tebow makes the back cover; Saban issues a statement

Blogging live from SEC Media Days...

HOOVER, Ala. -- Gator Clause is sitting in the main ballroom of the Wynfrey Hotel and wondering why the sound check guy is counting to 60, 61, 62...Maybe that's the number of Southeastern Conference football players that will be arrested this year...The current pace sets the final tally somewhere between 100 and 12,038.

Right now, AS I TYPE, sports writers are debating the purpose of media guides!!! What a thrill this day will be. Media guides, as you know, are sports writers' holy bibles. Without them, we would know absolutely nothing about sports...

Dsc00595 A few highlights of this season's SEC media guides...Florida's media guide appears to be the most expensive. It's the only media guide with a plastic cover. And not a cheap plastic either -- the grooved, faux vinyl plastic that sounds like a record skipping (or a D.J. cut'n those turntables) when you scratch it. This is all we need...sports writers mixing hip-hop tracks all season long. The front of Florida's media guide features a three-image hologram commemorating the national championship. On the back is another three-image hologram from the national championship game -- Tim Tebow scrambling, Tim Tebow throwing and Andre Caldwell catching a touchdown. In making the back cover of the media guide in just his sophomore season, Tim Tebow now has the opportunity to set a collegiate national media guide record for most appearances in a career.

Ole Miss' media guide offers its fans a positive outlook on the season with the words "Never Quit" on its cover. Kind of ironic since Brent Schaeffer is the Rebels' quarterback. Since his freshman year of high school, Mr. Schaeffer (Deerfield Beach) has never been at a school for more than two years...

Dsc00594 Alabama's media guide features a larger-than-life picture of Nick Saban (god complex) imposed atop Bryant-Denny Stadium. At the bottom of the cover reads three words, "The process begins." This is a funny statement when read through the eyes of a South Floridian. The back of the media guide is even better. It's another picture of Saban. (That's correct. There are no players on Alabama's media guide. Only Saban.) Saban is shouting the Crimson Tide's new Saban "Mission Statement." The first tenant of this four-pronged manifesto is "Character Development." An excerpt: "The principles and values that we're able to develop with [the players] allow success relative to the character and attitude they have as a football player here at this institution." Sounds all well and good, but Saban (of all people) should know that relativism is a dangerous business.

-jo-

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