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Tim Tebow indecent book proposal; Gators midseason report

A young Tim Tebow once finished the Double Dare obstacle course in 12.8 seconds. He won a free trip to Space Camp but the Pentagon intervened, issuing Tebow this letter...

GAINESVILLE -- Lest we forget, Gator Clause wanted to let our loyal readers know that we would love their help with a new project. It's called the Document All the Tim Tebow Tattoos You Can Find Project and Let Me Know. We'll call it DATTTYCFPLMK for short.

If anyone hears of a person getting a Tim Tebow tattoo, then I want to know about it. Email me the person's phone number. Gator Clause has decided to make a coffee table book chronicling the collegiate career of Tim Tebow. The projected publish date for this "can't live without Christmas gift for every man, woman, child and inmate" is when Timmy either graduates, goes pro or ascends into heaven.

Since every college football writer in America is working on this very same book, Gator Clause's offering will have a slightly different twist. There will be no words (as words imply arrogance). Instead, the book's magnet aura will pulsate hope throughout the world using the power of art. That's right, folks. Prison tats are not only welcomed but encouraged. All proceeds for this book will be wasted on education and "medication."

BOOK YOUR TRIP TO NEW YORK NOW
Speaking of the Teebster, he probably won't win the Heisman Trophy this season (I write this only because he's a sophomore and a sophomore has never won) but it's safe to assume that Tebow will be making the trip to New York as a finalist. I've already reserved a room in New York. Seriously, I already did this. If Tebow doesn't make it to New York, then I'm going to be really upset. Don't think Tebow deserves a shot at the Heisman as a sophomore? Consider this: If Tebow continues at his current pace, then he'll finish the regular season with 2,910 passing yards, 1,000 rushing yards and 44 total touchdowns (passing and rushing combined).

Tebow THE TEEBSTER'S PASSING STATS:
-He's the SEC's most efficient passer, completing 65.5 percent of his throws.
-Only Kentucky's Andre' Woodson (1,536 yards) has thrown for more yards than Tebow (1,455 yards).

THE TEEBSTER'S RUSHING STATS:
-Tebow is ranked eighth in the SEC in rushing yards with 500 yards on 105 carries. That's just downright remarkable considering all of his passing yards.
-He has rushed for nine touchdowns. That's tied for first in the SEC!

THE TEEBSTER'S OVERALL STATS
-Tebow leads the SEC in total offense (1,955 yards, 325.6 per) and there isn't a close second.
-He's made more phone calls to the LSU student section than any other player in the conference.
-Tebow has had a hand (throwing or rushing) in 22 touchdowns.
-Seriously, if Tebow keeps this up his entire career, then the Downtown Athletic Club (or whomever sponsors the award these days) will need to remain the Heisman Trophy the Teebster.

MOST IMPRESSIVE
Dropping 59 points on Tennessee seems more impressive now than it did when it actually happened.

LEAST IMPRESSIVE
Tony Joiner's misstep with Watson's Towing and Recovery. To Joiner's credit, he handled the media scrutiny with class on Tuesday.

RaineyDO OVER
Florida wasting a year of Chris Rainey's eligibility is one of this season's biggest disappointments. See also, Jerimy Finch. Still sad for that kid.

MOST SURPRISING
Five underclassmen led Florida in tackles against LSU, including sophomore defensive end Jermaine Cunningham, who had 17.

HOW BIZARRE
Former Southern Cal running back Emmanuel Moody transferring to Florida still baffles Gator Clause.

MOORE CARRIES
Kestahn Moore has quietly turned into a good running back. He needs more carries in the second half of the season. He's averaging 5.4 yards per carry.

Wondy WONDY, WE LOVE WONDY!!!
Six games into the season and Wondy Pierre-Louis is still starting at cornerback. He wins the most improved Gator award. From henceforth, Gator Clause proclaims itself as the unofficial Wondy Pierre-Louis fan-club website. The Haitian born Pierre-Louis has 19 tackles in six games. He has also deflected one pass.

FAYSON FAYSOFF
Florida benchwarmer Jarred Fayson has only touched the ball on offense 11 times (nine rushing, two receiving) in six games. Problem?

CALDWELL DISAPOINTED
This was supposed to be fifth-year senior Andre Caldwell's breakout season, finally. It hasn't happened. He only has five receptions.

MajorwrightBEST FRESHMAN AWARD
Free safety Major Wright (Fort Lauderdale St. Thomas Aquinas) stepped in for faltering Kyle Jackson and made an immediate impact. He had 10 tackles against Auburn and 11 against LSU. Cornerback Joe Haden and offensive lineman Maurkice Pouncey are a close second and third on the freshmen list.

BEST GATOR CLAUSE PREDICTION
"If Florida doesn't score 20 points [against Auburn], then drink an Alabama Slammer, and then drink another and then drink another."

RECRUITING
The Gators have done well on the recruiting trail so far this season. Florida already has commitJenkins_00000ments from eight high school players, including three four-star defensive backs and five-star athlete Will Hill. (Pictured is Pahokee cornerback Janoris Jenkins, a Florida commitment who was at the Auburn game on an unofficial visit. I chatted it up with Jenkins, complimented his matching red shoes and then snapped this picture with my new camera phone.)

BOWL QUESTION
If Florida beats LSU in the SEC championship game, does a one-loss LSU team still play for a national championship? I'll make sure to ask SEC commissioner Mike Slive this weekend.

-jo-

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