GAINESVILLE -- An ongoing theme here at Gator Clause: If a Gator makes the news, we write about it...
So, I'm sure everyone has heard about this latest story. Guy gets drunk up in Okeechobee County. Guy goes swimming in canal at 2 a.m. Guy, essentially, feeds an alligator his left arm. Well, it's a sad story, folks, and it raises a few important topics: 1. Is this animal abuse? I mean, should we really be feeding our gators morons? 2. Is the intelligence level of the human race regressing? Isn't there supposed to be some kind of instictive or primal warning system coded into our DNA that screams out, "Hey, don't swim near the gator den!" (Likely, the primal code that screams out, "Hey, impress the girls by swimming near the gator den!" trumped all other instincts.)
In any event, I sent PETA a letter expressing my concern. Here's a copy of that letter. Download dear_peta.doc Also, it should be noted by the authorities that the drunk guy did admit to poking the alligator in the eye. Isn't that like a $250 fine?
Newspapers today are reporting that the drunk guy hopes his incident leads to the slaughter of many alligators. CLICK ME, CLICK ME! This is what he said in the Treasure Coast paper, "It's a wake-up call for everyone."
As if the guy did this to service society or save the lives of other idiots. Wake-up call, people. Don't swim in canals. Look what happens. Thanks for the thoughtful sentiment, guy...Surely, all this will lead to is a one-armed man getting drunk more often.
Gator Clause is happy to report that the brave soul who gave his arm to protect us all is still alive and still fighting the good fight. The guy made a point to clarify this next point to a local TV station, "there were no drugs involved."
Note to alligator guy: Always blame the drugs.