GAINESVILLE -- I've read plenty this morning about Tennessee coach Lane Kiffin's buffoonery on Wednesday but no where is anyone writing what might be the worst part about all of this.
On the day Tennessee women's basketball coach Pat Summitt got win No.1,000, Tennessee's football coach intruded into Summitt's spotlight and embarrassed her university.
Summitt might be the best coach in the country --college or pro -- regardless of sport. She has won more games than any other men's or women's college basketball coach in the history of the sport. Hell, she could probably coach football better than most of the guys in the SEC.
All that winning and has anyone ever heard Summitt brag about anything other than being surrounded by great people? She should probably do Kiffin a favor by sitting down with the guy and going over a few things. In my brain, here's how that conversation would probably go:
KIFFIN: [WALKS INTO SUMMITT'S OFFICE.]
KIFFIN: "Congratulations, coach, on your 1,000th wi..."
SUMMITT: "Sit down and shut up, son."
KIFFIN: [CLOSES MOUTH; SITS DOWN]
SUMMITT: "Shoot, you got some mouth on that pretty little face don't you, son."
KIFFIN: [OPENS MOUTH]
SUMMITT: "Save it. We all make mistakes...especially our idiot athletics director...Heck, but I wouldn't sweat it. No one here in Tennessee cares about Florida anyway. But, listen, you've got to be a little smarter if you want to have a long and successful career here at Tennessee. Now, your daddy probably taught you something about public speaking but you just forgot, right?"
KIFFIN: [BEGINS TO OPEN MOUTH.]
SUMMITT: "No, don't answer that question, Lane. It was rhetorical. I was being sarcastic."
KIFFIN: [BEGINS TO RAISE HIS HAND]
SUMMITT: "Put your hand down, Lane. Frankly, I don't want to hear anything else you have to say. Now, grab a pen and a piece of paper and write this stuff down. Follow these rules and you'll be fine from here on out.
"No.1: When speaking into a microphone, never mention yourself or your rivals by name.
"No.2: Let Ed Orgeron be the point man when it's time to talk about recruiting.
"No.3: Never...Wait, on second thought, don't ever let Ed speak to the media. Come to think of it, don't ever let him speak to anyone other than recruits.
"OK, No.3, and this is an important one, son: Never try and upstage me, kiddo. This is Pat Summitt's town. You got that?"
KIFFIN: [NODS HEAD.]
"No. 4: You're not in California anymore. Pete Carroll might joke around and have fun at USC but you're not Pete Carroll and people in the South don't have a sense of humor when it comes to college football.
"No. 5: Always give everyone else the credit.
"No. 6: Get a nose job. Something is wrong with your face. I'm pretty sure it's your nose.
KIFFIN: [GRABS HIS NOSE.]
"No.7: Fly to Florida and apologize face to face with the people at Pahokee High School. Lord knows there' s not enough talent in this state to field a competitive football team. In case you didn't know, you're probably going to need a few recruits from Florida if you want to win an SEC championship.
"No. 8: If you see me on campus or at the Christmas party or at the SEC meetings or downtown eating dinner, don't talk to me. I'm being serious now, Lane. Just smile and wave and keep on walking."
In case anyone wanted to see Lane Kiffin make a fool of himself, here's the video of his ill-fated shot at Urban Meyer. CLICK ME!
Columnist Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel ripped into Kiffin this morning. CLICK ME!
Here's how Florida lost Marsalis Teague to Tennessee, according to Kiffin. CLICK ME!
Lane Kiffin wants Marsalis Teague to play receiver. Monte Kiffin wants him at cornerback. CLICK ME! could play receiver for Vols.
If that wasn't painful enough to read for Gators fans, then this one will be like shoving bamboo shoots under your toenails. CLICK ME!
Was Kiffin's blunder reported by the Knoxville News-Sentinel as a success? CLICK ME! Reading through the comments of Tennessee's fans is pretty funny.