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(REALLY, REALLY, REALLY) Bold Predictions for 2013

Good morning, season. College football officially returns tonight, so that means it’s time for some bold -- mostly really, really, really, bold -- predictions.

All of these will be correct. If not, what was that line from Argo again?

Now, in no particular order: The Lucky ’13

* Loucheiz Purifoy catches a ball. Maybe a pass, possibly an interception, but he’ll catch something. (Hopefully not whatever Matt Jones had). Do you realize the All-SEC cornerback has the same number of career interceptions as me? I’M HEADED FOR THE LEAGUE TOO BABY.

Purifoy
(media.miamiherald.com)

* The Gators win no more than 14 games.

* Florida’s rush defense is better than Eastern Michigan’s but worse than Alabama’s.

* A Cerberus named DunRobTon becomes UF’s first 1,000-yard receiver since 2002. YOU CAN SIT DOWN, TAYLOR JACOBS!

* The Gators’ offense averages 375 yards per game, meaning they finish the season somewhere south of No. 80 nationally. Ok, not bold.

* UF loses no more than 12 games.  

* The D is silent. UF’s F-E-N-S-E is awesome again, except when it’s not.

* Brad Phillips isn't informed he didn’t win the placekicking job until January.

* Melinda Lou “Wendy” Thomas is the season’s greatest “alumni celebrity” Two Bits impersonator. FROSTY’S FOR EVERYONE.

* Kelvin Taylor becomes buddies with Tank Black’s kid.

* Trey Burton: A 3-time Blutarsky. 

* Antonio Morrison talks to his other puppy brother, Uga, on Nov. 2.

* UF scores 40 points in a non-conference game, versus an SEC foe, against AN OPPONENT. Dammit. That is too crazy.

Enjoy the season y’all. It’s here.

Follow me on Twitter @JesseReSimonton

Comments

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What are you asking me, Gator Logic?
Posted by: Jesse Simonton | August 28, 2013 at 06:08 PM

Sorry if it was unclear. I am asking if the reporters that missed that news conference are also banned from asking him any questions about the summer issues. I meant that it was a good thing you were there.

It's a good thing Jesse is here. No darn it, it's a great thing.
Twisted Logic your "question" is not only unclear, it is also unintelligent. Who cares.

Good stuff Jesse, we will see about the Bama rush defense, right now you cannot say for certain that one will be true.
Either way, Go Gators!

The curse of odin lloyd has some valid points along with gator logic...2 smart bloggers there. JLS14234 i'll see u in lockup.

AlaChUa dEtenTIOn CenTEr = The curse of odin lloyd
cane troll dummy praising himself

jlO responses to everything:

"dduuuuuhhhh, unintelligible Cane response. Duuhhh. Go gatrs."

You are a maggot, jlO. The Toledo beatdown cometh.

Jesus fing christ....make a prediction and stick to it. Will loose no more than 12 games? Win no more than 14?

Just Sayin = jlo, the troll of a thousand blogs.

Get in your little effeminate 3 series BMW, jlo.

jls, next week, Miami faces Florida for the last time. As the most dedicated blogger on here, you could have a discussion about the game with opposing viewpoints, but you seem to be eager only for people to be here that agree with every word you write. Your insults have done their job, and all you retain are those that like your insults.

I am guessing you don't feel like you are missing an opportunity, but I know I will miss it. I tried, and even with Jesse's blessing, I still got ripped by you. A real shame, but you made your choice. I know you will claim some "victory" in this, but it is a pyrrhic one, where all you have left is the burned landscape of this blog for yourself.

Thank you Jesse for your efforts, your humor, your defense of your team while maintaining class. Best of luck next week, and know that I will still be reading next week, even if commenting is not happening.

You're a good poster, Gator Logic. Don't get run off by some pithy comments.

Swamp Fever: See tongue-in-cheek.

Posted by: Gator Logic

don't go, please don't go, talk to us will you please
say it aint so

There
do you feel better now?
So I called you Twisted and I said your question was unintelligent. You call that getting ripped, and insulting?
Me thinks you feign having skin of the very thin type.
Pyrrhic victory you say, good one. No victory or defeat, just setting the record straight and pointing out lies, delusions and exaggerations. For real insults just see the poster that changes his name constantly known lately as curse of odin lloyd.
Shall I feign outrage and threaten not to post anymore? It comes with the territory.
You come off a bit conceited by claiming that "all you have left is the burned landscape of this blog for yourself." So without your wise input this blog is a waste. How lucky we were to have your expert
insight. I must pay penance for being the cause of the loss of such a great resource. Let me know how I can make it up to you. Really. Not being pithy or such.

^^^^^^^^

suck it, moron. Self-absorbed gatr douche. I bet you have a "National Champions" Gator license plate on fem BMW, don't you?

Lil' b@tch.

Reading the latest on this blog is making me pithy all over myself!

Why Jesse i'm offended by your PITHY statement! LOL.

I did not know BMWs were feminine.

^^^^^^
Only when gatah douchebags are driving them.

Al, that is one of the many idiotic things that come out of the dirty mouths of Miami Morons. None of them make any sense.

"I did not know BMWs were feminine."

The Beemer 3-series, especially when driven by a fruitcake like jlO,is fem. He is the douche everyone loves to hate.

You are a maggot, jlO.

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