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(REALLY, REALLY, REALLY) Bold Predictions for 2013

Good morning, season. College football officially returns tonight, so that means it’s time for some bold -- mostly really, really, really, bold -- predictions.

All of these will be correct. If not, what was that line from Argo again?

Now, in no particular order: The Lucky ’13

* Loucheiz Purifoy catches a ball. Maybe a pass, possibly an interception, but he’ll catch something. (Hopefully not whatever Matt Jones had). Do you realize the All-SEC cornerback has the same number of career interceptions as me? I’M HEADED FOR THE LEAGUE TOO BABY.


* The Gators win no more than 14 games.

* Florida’s rush defense is better than Eastern Michigan’s but worse than Alabama’s.

* A Cerberus named DunRobTon becomes UF’s first 1,000-yard receiver since 2002. YOU CAN SIT DOWN, TAYLOR JACOBS!

* The Gators’ offense averages 375 yards per game, meaning they finish the season somewhere south of No. 80 nationally. Ok, not bold.

* UF loses no more than 12 games.  

* The D is silent. UF’s F-E-N-S-E is awesome again, except when it’s not.

* Brad Phillips isn't informed he didn’t win the placekicking job until January.

* Melinda Lou “Wendy” Thomas is the season’s greatest “alumni celebrity” Two Bits impersonator. FROSTY’S FOR EVERYONE.

* Kelvin Taylor becomes buddies with Tank Black’s kid.

* Trey Burton: A 3-time Blutarsky. 

* Antonio Morrison talks to his other puppy brother, Uga, on Nov. 2.

* UF scores 40 points in a non-conference game, versus an SEC foe, against AN OPPONENT. Dammit. That is too crazy.

Enjoy the season y’all. It’s here.

Follow me on Twitter @JesseReSimonton


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