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McGreevey, wife go to divorce court

Oprah Former Gov. James E. McGreevey and his estranged wife went to divorce court on Friday where they were expected to have their first public meeting since he resigned and announced he was "a gay American."

Judge Karen Cassidy ordered the hearing to consider custody issues and other motions in the contentious split between the nation's first openly gay governor and Dina Matos McGreevey.

Their attorneys met in judge's chambers throughout the morning while their clients remained separated on different floors of the courthouse.

Matos McGreevey's attorney, John N. Post, said while passing through the courtroom that the negotiations were going "fine."

McGreevey's attorney Matthew D. Piermatti said earlier, "Our fears are it's going to be a media circus."

The former governor had declined to speak with reporters when he arrived at the courthouse alone.

Matos McGreevey, arriving separately, had also declined to comment.

The divorce has drawn intense publicity, much of it brought on by court filings in which they accuse each other of bad parenting and other misdeeds.

Each partner has written a tell-all book about the marriage, which ended in 2004 when McGreevey, then governor of New Jersey, told the world he had had an extramarital affair with a male aide. McGreevey, 49, later claimed his former lover tried to blackmail him, and said he resigned rather than succumb to the man's threats. The man, Golan Cipel, denies having had an affair with McGreevey.

The McGreeveys have one child, 5-year-old Jacqueline.

Piermatti said the judge likely will decide temporary custody issues Friday. The curly headed preschooler currently lives with her mother and visits her father every other weekend.

One of the most contentious issues in the divorce is what the child should be exposed to. Her mother made McGreevey and his partner take down a nude photograph in their home, contends that Jacqueline should not be allowed to sleep in her father's bed and says the girl should not be allowed to receive communion in the Episcopal Church because she is being raised a Roman Catholic.

Matos McGreevey's memoir, "Silent Partner," hits bookstores on Tuesday. Her husband put out his own book, "The Confession," last September, saying then that he had carried on his affair with Cipel while his wife was hospitalized after a difficult child birth.

Harpo Productions, George Burns / AP Photo
In this photo released by Harpo Productions Oprah Winfrey, right, sits with former New Jersey first lady Diana Matos McGreevey, left, during a taping for "The Oprah Winfrey Show" Wednesday, April 25, 2007, in Chicago. The show airs Tuesday, May 1, the same day as her book "Silent Partner" is released. Gov. McGreevey claims in divorce papers filed last Monday that Mrs. McGreevey knew he was gay before they married..
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I can relate a similar situation that happened personally in my life.
How come it's always the husband that's at fault when he comes out? My ex-wife and I dated for 5 years and then were married for almost 26 years.
I knew I was gay, but wanted to do the right thing for society. We married, had 3 daughters, and thought I had the perfect marriage. I loved her as a woman, evidence being our girls.
But, our relationship began breaking down 5 years prior to our breakup. Living with her was all a game in trying to control and contridict everything I said. Because of this, my stress level was out of control unknown to me at the time. I came out to my exwife to be fair to her and ease the burden I had been carrying around with me all my life. I told her how much I loved her both as a friend and a lover.
She seemed to understand and told me that it didn't matter and we would work through it.
A couple weeks down the road, that understanding became a mind game, with her parents telling her what to do. This is after she outed me to her entire family and our daughters. She then outed me at work, church, and to all our friends. Claiming that she was the victim.
Three months later she said she wanted a divorce, letting me believe that things were working out. Two days later, during a routine EKG, I had severe chest pains. Turned out that because of the stress and games, I had a heart attack. The cardiologist excused my exwife to the hall and talked to me privately. He said that my heart attack was from stress and that she was out in the hall. He also told me that if I didn't do something about it, I would be dead. Two months later was our 26th anniversary and my ex said that she was sorry and that she wanted our marriage to work. Turns out that it was another game. She said that she had conditions and that she was going to tighten the ball and chain. I had enough lies and games. Turns out that she had been secretly seeing another man long before I came out. At least 2 years before. Some victim.
When my ex outed me to our daughters, she thought they would disown me and take her side. Long story short, this backfired on her. They still love me as their dad and supported me.
We've been divorced over 5 years and she remarried her boyfriend 7 months later and is still playing the victim. Our daughters say that's getting old. They are all grown Because they didn't exclusivly take her side and ignore me, my ex is still playing the inocent.
I have been out for 6 years and couldn't be happier that I can be myself finally. I have been with my partner almost 4 years. Incidently he was married twice to women. My daughters love him as a parent.
Jim M's exwife is playing this inocent victim routine. They have a young daughter to think of. Jim is still her dad. He and his partner have a positive influence on her life.
I must say that I stand by Jim. His ex needs to move on and quit slamming him for be honest with her and the world.

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