For gay father, adoption ruling is `a defining moment'

After seven years, a Key West foster dad fulfilled a 12-year-old boy's greatest dream: to have a real father. In doing so, he may help smash a controversial Florida law.

Video | Two dads, one loving family

By CAROL MARBIN MILLER, cmarbin@MiamiHerald.com

Two months after the foster child came to live in Wayne LaRue Smith's two-story Key West home, the brown-eyed 5-year-old boy looked up from the kitchen table and, in a plaintive voice, asked what seemed a simple question.

``Will you be my daddy?''

At first, Smith, a foster father who has cared for 33 children in state custody, could not say yes.

Smith, who is openly gay, could raise other people's children. But in Florida, the only state that outright bans all gay people from adopting, he could never adopt a child of his own.

Until now.

Last month, a Monroe Circuit judge became only the second judge in Florida history to allow a gay man or lesbian to adopt a child.

Smith's may be a pyrrhic victory. Though Circuit Judge David John Audlin Jr.'s order will stand, it likely will hold little sway over future cases, scholars say. Moreover, the state Attorney General's Office will not appeal the order, meaning it will never be reviewed by a higher court.

With another legal challenge set to begin next month in Miami -- one that is being contested -- Audlin's order could become a historical footnote.

To Smith and his new son, though, it has the power of a landmark decision, he said.

'I knew that in our hearts, from that moment on that, one way or another, we were going to answer that question `yes,' Smith said. ``It's seven years later, but now we can.''

''It was a defining moment,'' Smith said of the boy's request seven years ago. ``There are moments in life I won't ever forget. In that instant there was nothing I wanted more than to say yes. But this crazy state I live in won't let me.''

The Attorney General's Office, which is defending the adoption ban in the Miami case next month, has argued in court records they are upholding public morality and providing for the healthy development of foster children by ensuring they are raised by dual-sex parents.

''Chief among the interests served by Florida's adoption law is the best interest of Florida children,'' Assistant Attorney General Valerie J. Martin has written. ``Can it be seriously contended that an arguably rational basis does not exist for placing adoptive children in the mainstream of American family life?''

The state did not defend the ban, however, in Audlin's court.

In a strongly worded 67-page order signed Aug. 29, Audlin wrote that Florida's 1977 gay adoption ban arose out of ''unveiled expressions of bigotry'' when the state was experiencing a severe backlash to demands for civil rights by gay people in Miami.

''Disqualifying every gay Floridian from raising a family, enjoying grandchildren or carrying on the family name, based on nothing more than lawful sexual conduct, while assuring child abusers, terrorists, drug dealers, rapists and murderers at least individualized consideration,'' Audlin wrote, was so ''disproportionately severe'' that it violates the state and U.S. constitutions.

Wayne LaRue Smith, 53, is an unlikely iconoclast. He grew up in Reno, Nev., and enlisted in the Air Force while the Vietnam War still was being fought. He was stationed in the Four Corners area of Arizona, where he helped train bombers at a radar bomb scoring site in the desert.

Smith earned degrees from Arizona State University and the University of Arizona's law school, and moved to South Florida in 1988. He met his partner, Dan Skahen, a real estate broker, at a volunteer leadership workshop in March 1992. Smith practices commercial law.

In testimony this summer, Smith called himself ``borderline boring.''

Even before 1999, the two men discussed having a family together. But that year, they took the first concrete steps. They enrolled in a Department of Children & Families pre-adoption course, and began the screening process to adopt a child from the state's foster care system. Smith said they were aware of the ban.

''We didn't actually set out to be foster parents,'' Smith said. ``We set out to become adoptive parents.''

But during one of the training classes, Smith and Skahen were told of the state's ''desperate'' need for foster parents. The men had an epiphany. They could satisfy their desire to raise a family, and provide shelter and nurturing to an abused or neglected child at the same time.

And since the state does not restrict gay people from fostering, Smith and Skahen could become instant dads.

The two men quickly established a routine, beginning with a child's first night at the house with the white picket fence.

New children would be encouraged to swim in the family pool. Smith and Skahen found the water was comforting to the youngsters, and the children discovered they were safe there, they said.

''Then, we watch The Wizard of Oz,'' Smith said. ``You can be scared of the flying monkeys, marvel at the magic of the wizard, sigh at the happy ending. It seems to work for us. We're very practical. If something works, we stick with it.''

The two men have fostered more than 30 children since DCF accepted their application nine years ago, from a 2-day-old newborn to a 17-year-old.

At one point, Smith and Skahen had six foster kids in the 2,700-square-foot home. ''I don't think I sat down for six months to eat,'' Skahen said.

''We always counted [the children],'' Skahen added. ``We had to take two cars wherever we went, because we didn't have enough seats.''

Foster parents like Smith and Skahen, said Andrea Moore, who heads Florida's Children First, an advocacy group, ``go straight to heaven.''

Still, however, there was something missing for the Key West couple.

The little boy who had come to their home in 2001 wanted a real father, Smith said. Not a foster dad. Not a permanent guardian -- a legal nicety that occurred in 2004 granting Smith the ability to make decisions on the boy's behalf.

At the doctor's office, at the grocery store, at an airline ticket counter, the boy seemed to visibly deflate every time a stranger asked Smith, ''Is that your son?,'' Smith said.

Smith and Skahen were, in most respects, model foster parents, state records showed.

''The applicant is seen as nurturing, stable and devoted,'' a social worker's home study concluded. ``As an individual, he is considered to hold high moral character and is known to be gentle and patient.''

The 12-year-old boy's teacher testified the couple were among the most involved and nurturing parents in her class. ''I must confess,'' she told a judge, ``the first year I had him, knowing he was of gay parents, I looked for things, and I found nothing.''

Smith filed an adoption petition on Feb. 29. State child welfare administrators wrote the application would have been a no-brainer, but for that one intractable problem: ''This home study is not approvable due to [Smith's] open disclosure of his sexual orientation, and therefore the adoption is disallowable by law,'' it concluded.

Smith and Skahen now are raising the 12-year-old boy Smith adopted, and a 10-year-old foster child whom they expect to remain with them until he reaches adulthood. There also are two cats, a dog and two hermit crabs.

The family maintains a strict routine in other areas, as well. Children open their backpacks every afternoon when they come home so the dads can inspect for homework. Homework is done promptly. The family shares dinner every night, no excuses. Quiet time after dinner and before bed. Lights out at 8:30, except on the weekend.

''We were a family going into this,'' Skahen said. ``We're just more of a solidified family now.''

Photo by CARL JUSTE / MIAMI HERALD STAFF

Wayne Larue Smith and partner Daniel Skahen are the first gay parents in the State of Florida to successfully adopt a foster child of the age of 12. Here, the two father hug their son in his room of their Key West home.

Comments

[Abigail Garner]

What wonderful, wonderful news!! I have met Wayne and Daniel and their children, and this adoption is a VERY overdue validation of their capacity to build a safe and loving home. My best wishes to the family!

[Jezzzy]

great story, great pictures, great movie. Thanks Herald, you're still the best, despite your layoffs and problems. Please continue the wonderful work. We need you.

[Lex]

I personally think the "Hate State" needs to worry more about budgets, property tax and excesses as well as the so-called "mainstream" like Casey Anthony and many other so-caleed "mainstream" families and their great ability to raise kids! (Sarcasm). Sorry but I have known so many dysfuntional families in this state, trailer trash, addicts and alcoholics allowed carte blanche to raise kids and this is not to mention all the single parents out there. There is NO such thing as a mainstream family anymore, Florida needs to get the hate out of this warped state! I am so angry that we can have some anti-gay marriage proposal on the ballot but have yet to manage to get the courts to allow ONE property tax amendment to get on the ballot. This state needs to get its head out of is a** and start dealing with what is actually wrong, not what appeases bible thumping red-necks!

[FlaBoi305]

Lex...

I'm a Bible-thumping, brown-neck!
Umm...to people like me who still have morals and remember what this country was founded upon...
I think it is a very good thing that Florida would hold on to Bible truths instead of letting sin win

There is a way that seems right unto a man but in the end it leads to death!

It's not a sin to adopt the boy and be a great father to him

It's a sin that these two guys have neglected natural relations with a woman for lustful sinful ones with another man ..........aaaaachhhhhddggggggggggggggggg!!!!

Sorry!

Maybe you're an atheist and maybe half of America has turned away from the Lord and his Word... maybe we should have an argument about the root of the problem

Maybe this is the reason America is experiencing such calamity and it's only going to get worse..

Romans 1 v 18-32

If a person believes in the Bible, such as myself...you cannot expect us to accept this way of living that is called evil in the Bible!

And believe me when it comes to your opinion versus God's truth
God is more alive than you if you stood in front of me!

I wish there was a rule allowing me to smoke inside the hospital or inside Walmart while i shop...point blank being homosexual is a choice

When the day of judgement comes the Lord will judge all according to their good and bad....problem is none who hear the word of God and continue to live as they see fit will have room in the kindom of God for eternity

Their place is reserved in the lake of burning fire for all eternity!

I mean is being a constant commuter on the Hershey Highway really worth your soul...

People say " they were born that way "

God says
" exactly you are born in sin that's the reason i sent my son to be the perfect sacrifice on that tree on Calvary
I accepted his sin offering will you offer up your sin or are you busy indulging in it"

[Mike & Jesus]

We're so excited to hear this wonderful news. Congratulations to Wayne, Daniel and their newly "LEGALLY" adopted son!! It's about time that a judge in our state takes a firm stand against "Civil Rights For Gay Couples"... This is fantastic news!!

[Jamie]

Has anybody considered that the judges' ruling is null and void in the face of the law? Just because it has not been challeged doesn't make it law. Judges don't make law from the bench just because they rule against a law that presently exists....it has to be stricken down by the Supreme Court or written out by the Legislature. This one is being treated as not worth contesting, but there's a little boys' perspective involved in this.

If/when this child is older he will find out that legally, his adoption was illegitimate - which could be mildly to severely traumatizing to him, and wonder - Why did everyone tell me this lie? Why didn't you just tell me the truth?

I believe GALs should be legally able to adopt...but all this propaganda about this court's order is serving many other people's emotional indulgences (especially a judge who thinks their a king) and does the child a disservice by facilitating a masquerade. Sorry folks, but the harder the truth, the better the friend.

[Buttery Son o' Freep]

God created Adam and Eve - not Adam and Steve. Or Wayne and Ralph, or whatever that other pixie's name is.

That poor kid has got a lifetime of therapy ahead of him. And a very sore anus.

[torqueflite]

1)

"God created Adam and Eve - not Adam and Steve. Or Wayne and Ralph, or whatever that other pixie's name is.

That poor kid has got a lifetime of therapy ahead of him. And a very sore anus."

2) "I mean is being a constant commuter on the Hershey Highway really worth your soul..."

Ah, did the good Christians learn their bigotry and ugly name-calling from the Bible? Or did they simply not bother to read it? Gays are as popular to torment and harass today as lepers, tax collectors, and prostitutes in Jesus' time. Jesus said, "What you do unto the least of these, you do unto me." (Matthew 25:40)

[Stepen]

Michigan also expressly forbids gays and lesbians from adopting.

[Steve Rothaus]

Michigan allows SINGLE gay people to adopt, but prohibits gay couples from adopting. From the People for the American Way:

In the US, same-sex adoption laws vary from state to state. Michigan permits single LGBT individuals to adopt, but prohibits same-sex couples from adopting. Current law is unclear as to whether a same-sex co-parent can adopt his or her partner's child or a child of the relationship.

[Chester B]

I have known both Wayne and Dan personally for years and I can tell you both of these gentlemen are very qualified to raise a child. Through the years they have never given up. Instead they have persevered through all the negativity and ignorant comments from those who do not have the capacity to offer love & support to a child. I am so proud & happy for you both.

[torqueflite]

If Christians are so interested in 'life' issues, why oppose a stable home for kids that nobody is adopting? Best wishes for Dan and Wayne.