Steve Rothaus' Gay South Florida

A Christian mother comes to terms with her teenage son’s coming out

• Video of the Day | Steve Rothaus with author Deon Davis and her gay teenage son, Rashad

BY STEVE ROTHAUS, srothaus@MiamiHerald.com

Deon Davis didn't set out to write a book about her gay teenage son. It began as a diary she kept during her struggle to accept him.

''I started keeping the journal during therapy,'' says Davis, 42, a Tamarac dialysis nurse who grew up in a conservative Christian world where ``it's unacceptable for a black man to be gay.''

In time, though, Davis realized that her love for son Rashad was greater than any prejudice she once held.

''I learned that our children have feelings, that the parent is not always right. I learned that the hard way,'' she says. ``I'm learning all this through the blessing of Rashad being gay.''

Now Davis is on a mission. She spent $1,300 to self-publish I'll Find a Way: A Mother's Journey of Love and Acceptance for Her Gay Son and is working tirelessly to promote it.

Davis and Rashad will be at Books & Books in South Beach on Thursday, where she will read from the 66-page book and take questions from other parents. A few weeks ago, she spoke at Books & Books' Coral Gables store.

''At the last book signing, I was bombarded by questions,'' Davis says. ``There were a lot of mothers. Two gay couples. A lot of single people coming in. An older man, and he started asking questions: How do I deal with it? How did he come out to me? I was getting questions about religion -- a lot of questions about religion and abomination. I say the Jesus Christ I believe in loves me and he loves [Rashad].''

In the book, Davis calls her son ''Ricky.'' Rashad wanted his real name used, but Davis said no, afraid he'd get bullied at school or in the neighborhood. Recently turned 18, Rashad insists his real name be used from now on.

Davis, a single mother who raised three children, noticed that from about age 2 Rashad was unlike his older brother and sister. A sensitive youth, he preferred the arts to sports and became more rebellious than the other two, she says.

'If mom said, `You can't hang with Bobby,' he said, 'I'm hanging with Bobby,' '' Davis recalls.

By the time he was 14, Rashad was moody and depressed. He wouldn't speak with his mother and she sent him to a family therapist.

Rashad confided to the therapist that he was gay. With the boy's permission, she told Davis, who didn't handle it well.

''When I first came out to her, she was crying and she told me it was something she did,'' Rashad says. ``It was eye-opening for her.''

At first, Davis hoped it was a phase that Rashad would outgrow. He didn't, and soon most of his close friends were other teenage gays and lesbians.

Davis worked hard, she says, to keep an open mind and get to know her son.

''She's very loving and cares about her kids,'' says Oliver Sohn, 18, Rashad's on-again, off-again boyfriend who lives on his own. ``He's very lucky.''

Rashad's friends have spent many hours at Davis' home and she's often appalled by how their parents treat them. One father beat his gay son so badly, the boy was covered with bruises.

Another of Rashad's friends stayed with Davis for a week after his father threw him out. ''He got kicked out because he was gay,'' she says. ``This child was the smartest thing ever!''

A third friend ''was living on the streets and selling his body,'' Davis says. ``A 4.0 grade point average and he just got kicked out.''

Rashad, who recently graduated from Piper High School in Sunrise, says his own father won't accept that he's gay.

''At my graduation, he told me he'd give me $1,000 if I'd get a girl pregnant,'' Rashad says. ``He said he'd rather me go to prison for 20 years for drugs than be gay.''

Rashad plans to go to the University of Central Florida, where he'll major in musical theater. ''I pray every night that I'm going to win the Oscar, Emmy, Grammy, Tony and Golden Globe,'' he says.

Stereotypes don't bother Rashad.

''Please, I don't care. I love what I do,'' he says. ``It's who you are. It's what you do and put out in the world. Whether you like to wear pink or maroon, it's what's inside that matters.''

Rashad is one of six teens representing the national Day of Silence, an anti-bullying campaign by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN). His picture appears on the Day of Silence homepage, www.dayofsilence.org.

He recently was chosen to host a TV program that will be shown in Broward schools.

''It's a student-based video explaining the importance of not bullying,'' consulting producer Debra Hall-Greene says.

Davis is excited about Rashad's future and her own. Eventually, she'd like to open a center for troubled gay youths.

``One day, if God blesses me, I want a facility where they can come to me if they need counseling or shelter.''

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'I'll Find a Way: A Mother's Journey of Love and Acceptance For Her Gay Son.' Deon M. Davis. Authorhouse. 66 pages. $12.95 at Books & Books and online retailers.

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Photos by ANDREW ULOZA / For The Miami Herald

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IF YOU GO

What: Book reading and Q&A with Tamarac author Deon Davis

Where: Books & Books, 927 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach

When: 7 p.m. Thursday, July 2, 2009

Cost: Free; $12.95 to purchase book

Info: 305-532-3222

View Larger Map

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DEON DAVIS' SUGGESTIONS FOR GETTING THROUGH

• Pray for wisdom to understand the things you cannot change.

• Have plenty of patience.

• Dig deep -- no, deeper -- for understanding.

• Do not turn away from your child with embarrassment or shame.

• Do not bash or slander your child or his friends.

• Remember that you are the most important person in your child's life.

• Stop, look, and listen. Stop and take a look into your child's world. Look at his/her friends and lifestyle, and listen to the words that are coming out of his/her mouth.

• Love your child like you never loved before.

• Respect your child's feelings, and in return, he will respect yours back tenfold.

• Do not disown your child or threaten to disown; it only makes her fear abandonment.

‘StreetChild’ author Justin Reed Early to read from memoir in Fort Lauderdale June 20 & 21

News release from Justin Reed Early:

• JUNE 20^th: BRITNEY @ 11 Nightclub, 1116 Broward Boulevard, Ft. Lauderdale, FL – 11:00p
• JUNE 21^st: OUT! – 2256 Wilton Drive, Wilton Manors, FL – Reading & Signing: 4-6pm

“StreetChild: An Unpaved Passage” author Justin Reed Early, Releases Inspiring Memoir Documenting Life on the Streets

Seattle, WA—Justin Reed Early’s childhood was marked with abuse, street life, alcoholism and drug use. From age 10, Justin was on and off the streets of Seattle, moving to San Francisco at age 19. Now a successful businessman and activist, Justin authors his memoir as a nod to those he loved, those he lost and those he has forgiven. He launches his book tour with private book readings and signings at various homeless youth shelters and drug programs, going “back” to encourage others to inspire better lives. Renowned photographer Mary Ellen Mark captured his life on the streets in a Life Magazine photo essay. Justin can also been seen in those days in the now cult classic-status, Academy Award nominated documentary, STREETWISE (1984). This true-life journal was directed by Ms. Mark’s husband, Martin Bell, and produced by Life writer Cheryl McCall.

San Francisco Bay Guardian boldly states: “Hard luck memoirs have grown extra cheap in recent years, partly due to the celebration of bogus ones. Justin Reed Early's StreetChild: An Unpaved Passage is no such thing.”

“I am using my personal story of life on the streets as a catalyst to help others,” said Early. “A sometimes difficult, but ultimately magical journey…”

More about the author:

Now a public speaker and businessman, Mr. Early was a founding Board member of the popular youth agency, BAY Positives in San Francisco. He served on several youth committees and remains a dedicated advocate for homeless youth and human equality. He recently served on the Board of Directors of the Washington D.C. based National Network for Youth, and that agency has endorsed his book. Justin currently resides in Los Angeles and New York City. A portion of the proceeds from StreetChild will benefit life enhancing non-profit organizations, including many of those that helped Justin while on the streets. For more information, go to www.streetchildmemoir.com.

Video | ‘My Miserable Lonely Lesbian Pregnancy’ author Andrea Askowitz at Books & Books in Coral Gables

On YouTube:

Who Have You Told by Andrea Askowitz from Lip Service 9, May 16, 2009. Taped at Books & Books, Coral Gables, FL. Check out AndreaAskowitz.com for more information or to buy her memoir, "MY MISERABLE LONELY LESBIAN PREGNANCY"

‘1969: The Year of Gay Liberation’ exhibit on view June 1-30 at the New York Public Library

News release from the New York Public Library:

June 28, 2009 will mark the 40th anniversary of the historic Stonewall Riots that occurred in Greenwich Village, New York. Many cite the riots as the birth of the Gay Rights Movement in the United States. From June 1969 until June 1970, gays and lesbians in New York City radicalized in an unprecedented way, founding several activist groups that created a new vision for Gay Liberation. The exhibition 1969: The Year of Gay Liberation charts the emergence and evolution of this new vision from the Stonewall Riots to the first LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender) Pride march on Christopher Street in June 1970. All of the materials for this exhibition were drawn from the LGBT collection, in the Manuscripts and Archives Division of The New York Public Library. 1969: The Year of Gay Liberation will be on display at The New York Public Library’s Stephen A. Schwarzman Building at Fifth Avenue and 42nd Street from June 1, 2009 to June 30, 2009. Additionally, three related public events will be presented in June. Admission to the exhibition and programs is free.

The exhibition features original photographs, pamphlets, police reports, newspapers, and letters. Included are materials relating to activist groups formed between 1969-1970 such as Gay Liberation Front, the Radicalesbians, Gay Activists Alliance, and Street Transvestites Action Revolutionaries. Other materials that can be found in the exhibition include a letter to Governor Nelson A. Rockefeller by Jim Owles, President of the Gay Activists Alliance, asking to meet to discuss gay rights. Many of the photographs featured were taken by activist Diana Davies who captures events such as a march by the Gay Liberation Front in Times Square and protests by gay NYU students for equal rights. The exhibition shows that while each activist group fought for gay rights differently, with some more radical than others, they all shared the unified goal of equal treatment in society.

“This exhibition charts a historic and pivotal moment in history for gays and lesbians that goes beyond New York City,” says Jason Baumann, exhibition curator and Coordinator of Collection Assessment and LGBT Collections at The New York Public Library. “The year 1969 marks the first time homosexuals united, demanded, and were willing to fight for full inclusion within American society. As a result of the actions taken during this time gays and lesbians marked a paradigmatic shift not only in the ways that they saw themselves but also in how the world would see them.”

The LGBT collections at The New York Public Library are among the largest and most thorough in the country. The collections include the archives of pioneering LGBT activists, such as Morty Manford, and Barbara Gittings and Kay Tobin Lahusen; the papers of scholars, such as Martin B. Duberman, Jonathan Ned Katz, and Karla Jay; organizational archives of pivotal civil rights groups, such as the Mattachine Society of New York and Gay Activists Alliance; and the papers of LGBT writers, such as W.H. Auden, Virginia Woolf, and Joseph Beam. The Library’s collections also include major archives in the history of the AIDS crisis, extensive holdings in the history of LGBT theater, and the Black Gay and Lesbian Archive.

1969: The Year of Gay Liberation will be on view from June 1, 2009 through June 30, 2009 in the Stokes Gallery (third floor) at The New York Public Library’s Stephen A. Schwarzman Building, located at Fifth Avenue and 42nd Street in Manhattan. An accompanying online version of the exhibition will be launching in June. There will also be a traveling panel exhibition throughout the branches. Exhibition hours are Monday, 11 a.m. to 6 p.m.; Tuesday and Wednesday, 11 a.m. to 7:30 p.m.; Thursday through Saturday, 11 a.m. to 6 p.m.; Admission is free. For more information, call 917-ASK-NYPL or, for more information about the Library's LGBT collections and resources,visit lgbt.nypl.org

Initial funding for The New York Public Library’s LGBT initiative was provided by Time Warner.

Free Public Events Related to the exhibition, at The Stephen A. Schwarzman Building:

Saturday, June 13, 2009, 2:00 p.m., South Court Classrooms
LGBT Studies Research Class
A workshop on how to do research on LGBT history using the NYPL’s resources.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009, 6:00 p.m., Berger Forum
David Carter Lecture on the Stonewall Riots
Historian David Carter, author of Stonewall, will discuss myths and facts pertaining to the incident.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009, 6:00 p.m., South Court Auditorium
Gay Liberation Front Reunion Panel
Surviving members of Gay Liberation Front will reunite to reminisce on their experiences in the movement and its historical purposes.

About The New York Public Library
The New York Public Library was created in 1895 with the consolidation of the private libraries of John Jacob Astor and James Lenox with the Samuel Jones Tilden Trust. The Library provides free and open access to its physical and electronic collections and information, as well as to its services. It comprises four research centers - the Stephen A. Schwarzman Building; The New York Public Library for the Performing Arts; the Schomburg Center for Research in Black Culture; and the Science, Industry and Business Library - and 87 Branch Libraries in the Bronx, Manhattan, and Staten Island. Research and circulating collections combined total more than 50 million items. In addition, each year the Library presents thousands of exhibitions and public programs, which include classes in technology, literacy, and English as a second language. The New York Public Library serves over 16 million patrons who come through its doors annually and another 25 million users internationally, who access collections and services through its website, www.nypl.org.

21st Lambda Literary Awards announced

Here are the winners:

21st LAMBDA LITERARY AWARD WINNERS, BOOKS PUBLISHED IN 2008

BISEXUAL
   * Open, Jenny Block, Seal Press

TRANSGENDER
   * Intersex (For Lack of a Better Word), Thea Hillman, Manic D Press

LGBT ANTHOLOGIES
   * Our Caribbean, edited by Thomas Glave, Duke University Press

LGBT CHILDRENS/YOUNG ADULT
   * Out of the Pocket, Bill Konigsberg, Dutton

LGBT DRAMA
   * The Second Coming of Joan of Arc, Carolyn Gage, Outskirts Press

LGBT NONFICTION
   * Loving The Difficult, Jane Rule, Hedgerow Press

LGBT SCI-FI/FANTASY/HORROR
   * Turnskin, Nicole Kimberling, Blind Eye Books

LGBT STUDIES
   * Criminal Intimacy: Prison and the Uneven History of Modern American Sexuality, Regina Kunzel, The University of Chicago Press

LESBIAN DEBUT FICTION
   * The Bruise, Magdalena Zurawski, Fiction Collective Two/University of Alabama Press

LESBIAN EROTICA
   * In Deep Waters 2: Cruising the Strip, Radclyffe and Karen Kallmaker, Bold Strokes Books

LESBIAN FICTION (a tie!)
   * The Sealed Letter, Emma Donoghue, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
   * All the Pretty Girls, Chandra Mayor, Conundrum Press

LESBIAN MEMOIR/BIOGRAPHY
   * Sex Talks to Girls, Maureen Seaton, University of
     Arkansas Press

LESBIAN MYSTERY
   * Whacked, Josie Gordon, Bella Books

LESBIAN POETRY
   * love belongs to those who do the feeling, Judy Grahn, Red Hen Press

LESBIAN ROMANCE
   * The Kiss That Counted, Karin Kallmaker, Bella Books

GAY DEBUT FICTION
   * Finlater, Shawn Ruff, Quote Editions

GAY EROTICA
   * Best Gay Erotica 2009, Richard Labonte & James Lear, Cleis Press

GAY FICTION
   * We Disappear, Scott Heim, HarperCollins

GAY MEMOIR/BIOGRAPHY
   * Edward Carpenter:  A Life of Liberty and Love, Sheila Rowbotham, Verso Books

GAY MYSTERY
   * First You Fall, Scott Sherman, Alyson Books

GAY POETRY  (a tie!)
   * Fire to Fire, Mark Doty, HarperCollins
   * Now You're the Enemy, James Allen Hall, University of Arkansas Press

GAY ROMANCE
   * Got 'til it's Gone, Larry Duplechan, Arsenal Pulp Press

Gay Moroccan writer takes on homophobia

By JENNY BARCHFIELD, Associated Press

PARIS -- A soft-spoken slip of a young man, Abdellah Taia hardly looks the part of an iconoclast. But as Morocco's first high-profile, openly gay man, Taia has made it his mission to win acceptance for homosexuals throughout the Muslim world.

Taia has defied Moroccan society's don't-ask, don't-tell attitude toward homosexuality - and prison sentences that are still on the books in the North African kingdom - to write five autobiographical novels about growing up poor and gay in the northern coastal city of Sale.

The novels, peppered with sexually explicit passages, have catapulted him to fame in his native country and made him the de-facto poster child of its budding gay rights movement.

His work has sparked harsh criticism. Taia said some outraged critics have called on him to renounce Moroccan citizenship so as "not to bring shame" on the country.

It's also alienated him from his parents and eight siblings, who figure extensively in the books and complain that Taia has publicly humiliated them.

But the 35-year-old author insists he's never been cowed by fallout from his work.

"When I write, I feel a sense of urgency, as if my life depended on it," Taia said in an interview in Paris, where he has lived for almost a decade. "When I first started writing, it never occurred to me to invent some fictional character and talk about made-up things."

His latest novel, "L'armee du Salut," or "Salvation Army," focuses on his decision to move to Europe. An English translation recently came out in the United States, with an introduction by author Edmund White.

Though Taia immigrated legally - he was awarded a scholarship to study in Switzerland - his experiences in Geneva paralleled those of thousands Moroccans living in Europe without papers.

After his older Swiss lover who was supposed to pick him up at the Geneva airport never shows up, a penniless Taia seeks refuge at the Salvation Army, where he lives among illegal immigrants from throughout the developing world.

In the book, he also talks about his blooming sexuality, describing teenage trysts in the back of dark movie theaters and flings with European tourists looking for more than sun on their Moroccan holidays.

Like nearly all Arab countries, Morocco considers homosexual relations a crime, punishable by fines and prison sentences of six months to three years. Such penalties are rarely applied, though, and in practice, Morocco has a long history of leniency toward homosexuality and other practices forbidden by Islam.

Asked whether he sees himself as courageous, Taia said, "The most difficult thing was to work up the courage to pick up the pen and write for the first time."

He grew up with a family of 11 sharing a two-room house. His father, a petty civil servant, and a his mother, an illiterate housewife, emphasized their children's education, sending five to college.

That was where Taia began to write. Surrounded at Rabat University by children of Morocco's French-speaking elite, he began to keep a diary to improve his written French.

His journals now serve as the foundation of his novels, which are written in French and have been translated into seven languages, including Arabic and now English.

Photos: Moroccan writer Abdellah Taïa, is pictured at his apartment in the Paris Belleville district. In "Salvation Army" his latest and first book to appear in English, Taia talks frankly about coming to grips with his sexuality and leaving his family to start a new life in Europe. (AP Photo/Remy de la Mauviniere)

Merv Griffin’s secret gay sex life exposed in new book, writes Cindy Adams

Cindy Adams writes about a new biography of TV’s Merv Griffin, Merv Griffin: A Life in the Closet:

"He lost his virginity, to a female, that is, when Judy Garland seduced him. His first crush was Errol Flynn, whom he saw passed out naked on a couch. His roommate a year and a half was Montgomery Clift. He lived with Roddy McDowall here at the Dakota, where he introduced Eddie Fisher to Elizabeth Taylor. He maintained a virtual male harem and a pimp who supplied porn stars, but I don't go into his pay-for-gay guys. I keep it to his A-list dates like Rock Hudson, whom he met through Henry Wilson, Rock's agent, and who advised him to keep his sexuality quiet.”

To read the entire article, click here.

Broward author of ‘I’ll Find a Way (A Mother’s Journey of Love and Acceptance For Her Gay Son)’ to hold signing Saturday at Books & Books

North Lauderdale resident Deon Davis has written a book titled, I'll Find A Way (A Mother's Journey of Love and Acceptance for her Gay Son). From Davis:

Recently published book I’ll Find A Way hit the online bookstores and Authorhouse.com February 19, 2009, the book is written by first time author Deon Davis who expressingly shares her journey of raising her gay son throughout her book.

Davis felt the need to put their experience in book form to help not only parents but the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender young adults and teenagers. The emotional and physical toll that this deep dark secret took on her son almost destroyed his life but through family, love, self-acceptance and therapy he found a way and now enjoys the best that life has to offer.

Each year we lose our children to suicide, substance abuse or the cruel and lonely streets because of the ignorance so many of us share for the GLBT Community. In writing this book, Author Deon M. Davis dedicates herself to fight for one less suicide, glbt living on the streets, and last but not least, defamation against this beautiful community of human beings.

A proceed from each book sold will be donated to organizations that provide safe havens, counseling and other necessities.

Davis’ son recently was pictured on the national Day of Silence website. He’s the student wearing the green shirt and cap.

Here’s a news release from Davis about her book signing on Saturday:

Hello Fellow Readers,

I am proud to announce the Official signing of my book I'll Find A Way (A Mother's Journey of Love and Acceptance for her Gay Son). The book signing will take place at Books & Books in Coral Gables, Florida  on May 9, 2009 at 5:00 p.m. For further information on the location, please see below. Purchase the book before the signing and I'd love to see you at the event to personally sign your book!

Please feel free to forward this message to any of your colleagues that you feel may be interested in my event.

What: Author Deon Davis Book Signing

When: May 9, 2009 @ 5:00 p.m

Where: Books & Books
265 Aragon Avenue
Coral Gables, FL 33134
www.booksandbooks.com

Hope to see your there!

Sincerely,

Deon Davis, Author

I'll Find A Way (A Mother's Journey of Love and Acceptance for her Gay Son)

Photo gallery | Journalists discuss writing for online at Fort Lauderdale GALLA Festival

The GALLA Festival is underway at the new Stonewall Library & Archives, 1300 E. Sunrise Blvd., in Fort Lauderdale. Today, I moderated at panel discussion about writing for online with Boston Globe reporter Johnny Diaz, Stephen R. Lang of JumpOnMarksList.com and Michael Hendrix, owner of the Precise Agency by SRJ.

Here are photos taken by me and Jon Schwenzer, South Florida chapter president of the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association:

 

Steve Rothaus and Johnny Diaz.

Steve Rothaus, Johnny Diaz, Stephen R. Lang and Michael Hendrix.

GALLA Festival Friday and Saturday at new Stonewall Library & Archives in Fort Lauderdale

Photo from Jon Schwenzer, South Florida chapter president of National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association, who attended the opening Thursday of the Stonewall Library & Archives in Fort Lauderdale:

From left: Jack Rutland, Stonewall executive director, Nate Klarfeld, Stonewall board member emeritus, Fort Lauderdale Commissioner Charlotte Rodstrom and Broward County Commissioner John Rodstrom.

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I’ll be on a panel today with journalist Johnny Diaz and others about writing for online 2:30 p.m. today at Stonewall, 1300 E. Sunrise Blvd., part of the two-day GALLA Festival.