From home in Fort Lauderdale, linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo continues his pro-gay activism

BY STEVE ROTHAUS, srothaus@MiamiHerald.com

Former Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo said Tuesday in his hometown Fort Lauderdale that he is continuing his vigorous campaign for gay marriage.

“It’s a changing of the tide right now, not only in society but also legislatively,” said Ayanbadejo, one of professional sports’ most visible allies for gay rights. “We have a lot of momentum right now. The majority of Americans are siding on the side of marriage equality and even more on the side of civil unions for LGBT [lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender] families.”

Ayanbadejo, 36, has lived in South Florida since 2003, when he played two seasons for the Miami Dolphins. He and Natalee Uzcategui are raising a daughter, Anaya Lee, 7, and son Amadeus Prime, 2.

“You never know what your child’s sexuality is going to be,” he said. “When one of my children turns 22, 23, 24 and becomes an adult, I don’t want to become one of those guys who supports LGBT rights just because it affects my family.

“More importantly, it’s an equal-rights issue,” he said. “Me growing up as a biracial kid, i wouldn’t have had some of the equal rights if i had been born 10 years earlier in the ‘60s. Luckily, I was born in the ‘70s.”

Ayanbadejo grew up in Santa Cruz, Calif., and said his parents raised him to be open-minded. “Luckily, I’ve always been on the right side of history.”

He got into some hot water a few weeks ago, when he told The Baltimore Sun he knew of four NFL players about to come out, then downplayed his remarks on CNN. The Ravens released him about the same time, but Ayanbadejo stresses his pro-gay stand has never affected his career.

“I knew that I would be ridiculed and what not, but I didn’t ever think that my job would be in jeopardy,” he said. “As an ally, I’m doing whatever I can to make it a safe environment.”

A few weeks ago, Ayanbadejo contacted Stratton Pollitzer, deputy director of Equality Florida, the state’s largest gay-rights group.

“He wrote to say, ‘You may not know who I am, but I’d like to help,’” Pollitzer said Tuesday. “I said, ‘Yes, we know who you are and we’d be thrilled for you to help.’”

On May 27, Ayanbadejo will host an Equality Florida fundraiser at kitchenetta, 2850 N. Federal Hwy., Fort Lauderdale.

A few months ago, Ayanbadejo and Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe, another gay ally, wrote a brief to the U.S. Supreme Court asking justices to throw out California’s anti-gay marriage Proposition 8. The court will decide that case and a portion of the U.S. Defense of Marriage Act sometime this spring.

“This can be the tipping point that pushes us over the top, so eventually all Americans look back on homophobia like we look back on racism,” Ayanbadejo said. “We know that it’s not right. People lose credibility when they’re racist. It should be the same when they’re homophobic.”

IF YOU GO

WHAT: Tackle Equality, fundraising dinner with Brendon Ayanbadejo, benefiting Equality Florida

WHEN: Monday, May 27, 6:30 pm

WHERE: kitchenetta, 2850 N. Federal Hwy., Fort Lauderdale

TICKETS: $100, $150 VIP Cocktail Reception

RSVP: www.eqfl.org or call (813) 870-3735

Composer Desmond Child and partner Curtis Shaw: Gay people can be parents, too

BY STEVE ROTHAUS, srothaus@MiamiHerald.com

Miami pop composer Desmond Child had one of his biggest hits with Ricky Martin’s 1999 worldwide smash, Livin’ la Vida Loca. Now nearly 60, Child’s personal life has become anything but.

He and Curtis Shaw, partners for 24 years, live in suburban Nashville where they’re raising twin sons, born almost 11 years ago at Mount Sinai Medical Center in Miami Beach. The boys are the subject of a new documentary, TWO: The Story of Roman and Nyro, to be premiered Tuesday at the 15th annual Miami Gay & Lesbian Film Festival.

“Why did we do it?” Child says rhetorically about authorizing such a personal film about their family. “We felt it was a way we could help straight people understand — and have gay people see that it is possible — that they could live and be parents and have that kind of joy in their lives.”

Child and Shaw were together about a dozen years when they decided to start a family.

“I had been watching the news,” Child recalls. “George Bush was trying to kill the gay marriages and what not. He went on TV and said, ‘I don't know why they want to get married. They can’t have children. Well people who are infertile still want to get married. Should that bar them from getting married? We’re not infertile. We can have children. We are having children. There are thousands of children being born biologically to gay parents. It’s not just about adopting children.”

Child, 59, said the argument still could be heard in March during gay-marriage hearings at the U.S. Supreme Court. “Why don’t they stop talking about procreation? We’re procreating! End of discussion America!”

Born in Gainesville and raised in Miami Beach, he has been out of the closet since 1979 when his band at the time, Desmond Child & Rouge, released its second album, Runners in the Night. A track on the album, The Truth Comes Out, “was my exuberant coming-out song,” Child said.

He soon shifted from performing to composing. He has written and produced huge hits for Martin, Bon Jovi (Livin’ on a Prayer), Cher (We All Sleep Alone) and Joan Jett (I Hate Myself for Loving You).

In 1989, Child met Shaw, then a 27-year-old aspiring actor from Columbia, Mo., working as a maitre d’ in a New York City restaurant. They became partners and Shaw moved with Child to California and later Miami Beach.

“I don’t think of myself at all as a public person,” Shaw said. “It’s mostly Desmond, but he’s not so much a recognizable person. He’ll show up and go to a red carpet. I’ve been on a couple of red carpets. We do have friends who are superstars and we’ve had a window into their world and understand the pros and cons.”

The couple briefly split in the late ‘90s and Shaw moved to Nashville. “We separated but we talked twice a day. What kind of separation is that?” Child said. “We reconciled a year later. All our friends sat us down together and said ‘We’re freaking out, we can't stand it. You have to get together again. It was like an intervention: ‘Stop this crazy midlife crisis!’ It was the first time we listened to our friends. And I’m glad we did. We’re perfect together.”

Back together, Child and Shaw decided to have children. “After the reconciliation, we said ‘Let’s do this, let’s have the family we always wanted.”

They worked with Miami Beach family lawyer Elizabeth Schwartz and Growing Generations, a Los Angeles company that helps gay men become parents.

The son of Cuban singer Elena Casals, who died in 2012, Child said he himself came from “an alternative family.” At 18, he learned that his biological father was not the man married to his mother when he was born in 1953.

Child said it was “very important to me to have my own biological children.”

“I’m away a lot. I’m in New York, LA or Miami,” he said. “I needed the biological connection because I wouldn’t be the stay-at-home parent.”

Shaw, one of four sons born to a conservative Christian mother and a Missouri schools superintendent, says it didn’t matter to him whether he was biologically connected to their children.

“I just knew before it even happened, before we became parents, it wouldn't make any difference. I would love the child and he would love me,” said Shaw, who adopted the boys in California. “It’s just so pure. As soon as you hold a baby in your arms, how could you not bond? Biology doesn't make a difference. No paper would legitimize what I already felt inside. I already knew I was these kids’ parent.”

Child and Shaw selected eggs from an anonymous donor and asked their close friend, Angela Whittaker, to be gestational surrogate. On the second attempt, she became pregnant with two implanted embryos.

Roman and Nyro Child were born May 8, 2002, in Miami Beach. Child (called “Daddy”) and Shaw (“Papa”) decided to raise the boys in Tennessee — ”the belt buckle of the Bible Belt,” Shaw said.

“He’s made the sacrifice to let us be where we want to be,” Shaw says of Child. “I prefer Nashville to anywhere else we’ve lived. The kids do, too. It’s easier, people are nice. If I’m less stressed out, things run more smoothly.”

The family lives on “eight acres we’ve collected over the years,” Shaw said. “The kids share a room, they’re in the same class at school and the same soccer team. Both take guitar and piano lessons, and Spanish lessons.”

The dads and their sons remain close to Whittaker and her mother. “We believe we’re part of the same family,” Shaw said.

From the start, Child, Shaw and Whittaker documented their journey on video. These “home movies” became the basis for the documentary.

“Being handed 300 hours of footage is a daunting challenge to say the least,” said TWO director and producer Heather Winters, who also grew up in Miami Beach.

A centerpiece of the film: Superstar singer Jon Bon Jovi, one of the boys’ two godfathers, blesses the babies in 2002 by reading a poem he wrote called Two, which would become the title of the documentary.

Winters, the mother of two sons, ages 7 and 15, said she’s impressed with the Shaw and Child’s parenting skills.

“They're raising their children the way I hope all parents raise their children, the way I raised my two boys. To realize that people are different and there’s no one way to love or do things. That’s what makes life and being human so important. That’s one of the universal messages of our film.”

“It’s about a modern family, but it’s about the ultimate triumph of love,” she said. “There have been other films about gay dads. What makes it different is that I wanted to tell it from the perspective of the children.”

Nyro and Roman are bright, precocious and a bit uncomfortable promoting the film.

“Too many questions,” Nyro said. “No offense, but I don’t like being interviewed.”

Roman thinks the film is “pretty cool” and so is its message: “Everybody has rights. They should just be inspired by this movie. People say gay parents can’t have children and we proved them wrong.”

IF YOU GO

What: TWO: The Story of Roman and Nyro

When: 8 p.m. Tuesday

Where: Colony Theatre, 1040 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach

Tickets: $15 film only, $25 party only, $30 film and party

The Miami Gay & Lesbian Film Festival runs through May 5. www.mglff.com

All talk: James Franco makes film about gay sex (with 'Interior. Leather Bar' trailer)

BY STEVE ROTHAUS, srothaus@MiamiHerald.com

Months before anyone even saw the short film Interior. Leather Bar, tongues wagged that A-list hottie James Franco was co-producing, co-directing and co-starring in a gay porn flick.

Well, the final product reveals that in the film Franco only watches other men have sex, as he, co-director Travis Mathews and the rest “reimagine” 40 lost minutes from the controversial 1980 Al Pacino thriller, Cruising, parts of which were set in the interior of a leather bar.

“For me, it’s an exploration of how certain kinds of settings and lifestyles and acts are depicted and seen in cinema today, what the presentation of those things mean to the people doing them, watching them,” said Franco, who Saturday night will receive the HBO Latin America Ally Award presented at the 15th annual Miami Gay & Lesbian Film Festival.

Interior. Leather Bar (to be screened Sunday night at the festival) is mostly talk with a little hardcore action. And the talk mostly is by straight guys, including Franco, as they watch gay guys have sex in the film within a film.

“It was a project inspired by [director] William Friedkin’s Cruising. It was never going to be a recreation of Cruising, Franco says. “It was about trying to examine some of the things in Cruising presented 30 years ago through the lens of the culture today. There’s a lot of discussion in the movie, then there are some sexual scenes that are in it that go hand in hand.”

In the original film, Pacino starred as a straight undercover cop sent to find a gay serial killer terrorizing the New York bar scene.

Gay activists at the time condemned Cruising, Pacino and Friedkin for perpetuating negative stereotypes. “It was an unfortunate juxtaposition of murder mystery against a backdrop of gay nightlife,” Franco says.

Interior. Leather Bar gives the impression that it’s unscripted, with Franco, Mathews and actor Val Lauren playing themselves making the movie. In the film within the film, Lauren also plays the Pacino character.

“There was a script. It was more of an outline. It gave us a direction to go in when we filmed,” Franco says. “You wouldn’t find most of the dialogue that ended up in the final script. I knew I wanted to use Cruising as a starting point. I didn’t know exactly what aspects I wanted to explore.”

Franco says the project came together when he met Mathews, a gay director whose films “had sex, but they didn’t use pornos for titillation.”

“At that point, it really opened up everything,” Franco says. “We had the script, a route to follow. Along the way, anything and everything could be captured.”

The 60-minute film premiered in January at the 2013 Sundance Film Festival. Franco’s next big feature, two months later: Oz the Great and Powerful.

Franco, 34, says there was no fallout from the folks at Walt Disney Pictures as they began to promote the PG-rated Oz, just as everyone in the industry seemed to be fixated on oral sex and Interior. Leather Bar.

“They didn’t say one thing about it,” Franco says. “I was congratulated when it got into Sundance by some of the execs at Disney, who are friends of mine.”

One notable, however, did ignore Franco amid the Interior. Leather Bar hype: Pacino.

“Pacino did not comment. I wrote him an email. It was because of some inaccurate press,” Franco says. “I wanted it to be clear to him and Friedkin that we were not using anything from Cruising. I didn’t hear back from him, so I guess he wasn’t bothered.’’

IF YOU GO

James Franco appears 9 p.m. Saturday at Gusman Center for the Performing Arts, 174 E. Flagler St., Miami. “Interior. Leather Bar” will be screened 8:30 p.m. Sunday at the Colony Theatre, 1040 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach. The Miami Gay & Lesbian Film Festival runs Friday through May 5. www.mglff.com

'Ex-gay poster-boy' John Paulk, who appeared on Newsweek cover, no longer supports movement

From Truth Wins Out, which reports on the ex-gay movement:

Burlington, Vt. – Truth Wins Out commended former “ex-gay” poster-boy John Paulk for taking an important first step in being honest about who he is, but stated that Paulk must do much more to make up for the damage he, his estranged wife and the Religious Right have done to the LGBT community over the last twenty years.

In a piece in PQ Monthly, Paulk, who has perhaps done more to hurt LGBT families than any other single person in the “ex-gay” industry, states for the record that he no longer endorses efforts to change people’s sexuality:

“Until recently, I have struggled all my life in feeling unloved and unaccepted,” Paulk said. “I have been on a journey during the last few years in trying to understand God, myself, and how I can best relate to others. During this journey I have made many mistakes and I have hurt many people including people who are close to me. I have also found a large number of people who accept me for who I am regardless of my past, any labels, or what I do.”

Paulk continued, “I no longer support the ex-gay movement or efforts to attempt to change individuals — especially teens who already feel insecure and alienated. I feel great sorrow over the pain that has been caused when my words were misconstrued. I have worked at giving generously to the gay community in Portland where I work and live. I am working hard to be authentic and genuine in all of my relationships.”

While John Paulk is to be commended, after so many years, for finally being honest, Truth Wins Out believes much more needs to be done. According to Truth Wins Out Executive Director Wayne Besen, “It is not enough to simply send an e-mail that says, ‘I’m sorry.’ John Paulk must work to atone for the damage he has done to LGBT families by taking a public role in renouncing and working against the harmful ‘ex-gay’ industry by embarking on a speaking tour to show that he truly has changed. Further, he should advocate for a bill in Oregon that would ban so-called ‘reparative therapy’ for minors. Only then can he start to repair the damage he has done to countless LGBT people and their families.”

Click here to read more.

'Breaking the Silence': A 16-year-old lesbian from Davie reflects on GLSEN's Day of Silence

A guest editorial by Shelby Curran, a 16-year-old junior at David Posnack Jewish Day School in Davie:

April 19^th marks the Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network's (GLSEN) annual Day of Silence. Hundreds of thousands of students within the LGBTQ community, as well as allies, are taking part in this youth movement year after year, myself included.

Throughout my years of high school, I have been fortunate enough to have never been brutally bullied or harassed for my sexual orientation. Unfortunately, thousands of LGBTQ students are tormented at school because of who they are. This day mirrors the silence that bullied students are faced with every day. It encourages people to think about the voices that they do not hear, as well as allows participants to get a taste of what it feels like to be disconnected, so that after the silence is broken, we can speak up.

Taking part in the Day of Silence as a veteran, I recall the first time I participated in a private religious school. Being the only participant, many students had never been aware of the hardships facing LGBTQ students and many teachers were uncomfortable with my silence. Regardless, I felt it was my duty to bring awareness, and this year I am proud to say that two other students at my school are joining the fight against bullying through the Day of Silence.

Being silent allows for much self-reflection and mixed emotions. I feel frustrated when I am compelled to ask a question in class, and I remember that victims of bullying may not possess the courage to speak in front of their classmates. I feel ignored when I see my peers talking in the hallways and laughing at lunchtime, and I remember that bullied students may not have people to talk to or laugh with at school, feeling invisible. I feel deep sadness when I want to use words to communicate, and I remember that silence is not an annual movement, but a daily routine for LGBTQ students who are harassed. I feel empowered when a friend asks me if anything is wrong and reaches out to me regarding my lack of interaction, and remember that if just one person reached out to a bullied student each day, LGBTQ teens would feel safe and happy in school.

Many people have asked me why, of all things, silence is chosen as the action. Why wouldn't we be loud and voice our opinions on this day? However, what some bystanders may fail to realize is that our voices are loud and powerful on the other 364 days of the year, and today is when we actually feel the harsh realities. The Day of Silence reminds me why I must be loud on each and every other day of the year. It allows us to show others what a bulled LGBTQ teen might look like, and what they should pay attention to in order to reach out to those who are distant from the rest of the student body. My silence shows me how powerful my voice is.

To everyone who is afraid to speak up and be who you are, I challenge you to raise your voice. Use this great gift to educate a friend or family member on the LGBTQ community, to make a relationship with a peer who may need a friend in school, and to tell someone your own story. The silence reflects the idea that our ability to speak up should never be taken for granted.

This is my story. It's time to tell yours.

Friday is GLSEN's annual Day of Silence, a student-led national event to call attention to LGBT bullying

Friday is GLSEN's annual Day of Silence, "a student-led national event that brings attention to anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment in schools."

Click here to read more about Day of Silence.

Click here to watch more Day of Silence videos.

Pride RX community of LGBT CrossFitters and allies to hold mixer 12:30 p.m. Sunday in Miami

From Dave Valk:

After the success of the inaugural Pride RX social in March, the PRIDE RX is proud to announce the next workout/mixer on Sunday, April 21, 2013, at CrossFit 305. Pride RX is a community of LGBT CrossFitters and allies coming together to promote active and healthy lifestyles. The Pride RX social takes place every month at different CrossFit gymnasiums throughout South Florida, and is the perfect opportunity for local CrossFitters and novices (straight, gay or otherwise) to meet and mingle while working out. Best of all – it’s free!

The Pride RX organizers guarantee a great workout and a fabulous time with fabulous people. After the WOD (workout of the day) the fun will continue at a yet to be determined location for a post-workout happy hour. Sounds like an ideal way to spend a Sunday to me.

See below for all the details:

Location: CrossFit 305, 5940 NE 4th Ave Miami, FL 33137

Date: Sunday, April 21, 2013

Time: 12:30pm

For more information, please visit www.priderx.com. To RSVP, please email jsanchez@priderx.com.

Gallery | 2013 Miami Beach Gay Pride parade; Adam Lambert greets fans and gets key to city

Tens of thousands of LGBT people and allies from throughout South Florida and elsewhere celebrated Miami Beach Gay Pride on Sunday along Ocean Drive.

Above right, Miami Beach Mayor Matti Herrera Bower, Sunday's parade grand marshal, poses with American Idol superstar Adam Lambert, who received a key to the city and sang Sunday night on the beach.

Other parade celebrities included U.S. Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz, D-Weston, and national radio-TV personality Enrique Santos.

Click here to view a complete gallery from Sunday's Miami Beach Gay Pride Parade. Photos by STEVE ROTHAUS / Miami Herald Staff.

Video | The 2013 Miami Beach Gay Pride parade on Ocean Drive

Originally broadcast live on Sunday, April 14, 2013, watch the Miami Beach Gay Pride parade. (Warning: Some adult language.)

MIAMI BEACH GAY PRIDE 2013 LIVE FROM PALACE BAR Join Mario Trejo, Noel Leon, Miami Herald's Steve Rothaus, Kitty Meow,TP Lords and DJ JALIL Z. Video produced by Andrew Richardson.

 

Director Richard Jay-Alexander, stylist Samy Suarez support marriage equality in Unity Coalition videos

Musical producer-director Richard Jay-Alexander and famed celebrity hair stylist Samy Suarez, both of South Florida, have created marriage equality public service spots on behalf of Unity Coalition.