Oh no -- the presidency has been captured by a secret Muslim who belongs to an evil sleeper cell conspiring to take over America. Not only that, he’s an anti-Israel plumber-hating Marxist and a godless pseudo socialist who palls around with aging radical 1960s terrorists like Bill Ayers who, by the way, actually ghost-wrote the Barack Obama autobiography.
The guy has a wife who hates Whitey. Worse, he’s an Arab who faked his Hawaiian birth certificate to hide the fact that he’s really a citizen of Indonesian, the son of a Kenyan with ties to a corrupt African regime. Not only that, he also lied about the identity of his real father, not a Kenyan at all but a gun-toting black militant American radical criminal.
Never mind the contradiction, him being an Arab Indonesian with a Kenyan father who is also the son of an American black militant. Just as it seems a bit of a contradiction that a secret practicing Muslim has been under the sway of an America-hating angry Christian preacher in Chicago all the while being a godless commie.
All that just shows how diabolical this fellow. It’s right there on the Internet. He’s an evil dude for all seasons.
And once in the White House, this radical Muslim-Marxist will toss his campaign practices, unveil his nefarious plan and: RAISE YOUR TAXES. Not to mention he’s gonna take away our AK-47s and snowmobiles and outlaw Christianity.
It must have come to a shock this morning to the end-of-times religious zealots and NRA purists and conspiracy freaks and others who’ve been sopping up the crazy paranoid viral e-mail for months, to hear John McCain and the leaders of Republican party talk about what a great and historic and remarkable day it was for America to elect a black man president.
Suddenly, the party hacks who took few pains to tamp down vicious lies during the campaign, and who toward the end of the campaign were offering up their own variations, were happy to pledge their support for the new president. It became apparent, the day Obama clinched the election, that they never really believed that subversive stuff.
But you wonder what the true believers are thinking, now, as they hunker down in their bunkers, waiting for the Arab-Indonesian-Bill Ayers-Rev. Wright apocalypse. Maybe they’re beginning to realize, as they sort through their e-mail in-box, that they just might have missed the real conspiracy.