Suspecting, perhaps, that the big money
contributors will see to it that this incumbent win-streak goes on into perpetuity,
Rosenberg has imagined a newspaper article, the Miami Herald, announcing the
primary results four decades hence.
August 25th, 2050 Temperature High 116 Low 106 $2.45 per copy
Ocean Level……HIGH….Parts of
ELECTION RESULTS 2050 ARE IN!!!
Commissioner Javier Souto
Wins 15th Election In A Row
Today, August 25th,
2050, Commissioner Javier Souto celebrated his 111th birthday. He also celebrated another win for another
term, as a Dade County Commissioner. Mr.
Souto will now have been a Commissioner for 56 years. (This time he promised the Herald will be his
last campaign.)
Guinness World Records would
NOT certify this to being a record because some of the Commissioners are now
entering their 64th year of being a Commissioner. However, Guinness did grant a special
category to Mr. Souto for the “longest answer every answered for a yes or no
question. Mr. Souto was asked “did you
actually receive $2.6 million from special interest money?” His answer, according to Guinness was
completed in three days and five hours with over 635,999 actual words in his answer.
This year as usual, Mr. Souto
did not receive even one penny from people that live in this District. He did receive $50,000 from Mr. Rob You who
has a company that is widening the Palmetto to 15 lanes from its present
12. Another $95,000 from Mr. Steal Blind
who will be doing the landscaping. And
as always, Ms. Do For Me gave $100,000 because Mr. Souto will Do For Her.
The Miami Herald has remained
powerless to stop the 182 consecutive elections in a row won by the incumbents,
from 1994 until today, 2050.
Due to the expanding Internet
readership, there are actually only 135 subscribers left for the “real”
newspaper. The Herald staff is down to
one editor, one commentator, and one reporter.
Some residents say that the Internet is NOT the only reason for the
demise of the paper. Many remember that
in 2010, they were not very responsive to their readers. One in particular, a Michael Rosenberg (who
passed in 2020) wrote many emails, but never received answers. s
Page two….
Mr. Souto still believes in
lowering property taxes, and cutting out waste.
He believes that another term will finally give him the amount of time
he needed to fix the county.
Mr. Souto does regret the
deal with the Marlins stadium. It turns
out that team ownership decided to sell the team in 2015, and the new ownership
paid so much money to get it, that there was no money for salaries. So bad team, bad players, and no fans. The team folded in 2018. Mr. Souto regrets that and says, “in
hindsight, we should have built the stadium downtown near mass transit”. But back in 2008, we just didn’t think of
that”.
The Commissioners are still
trying to get a salary increase and voters have turned it down 18 times since
2010. But, the Commissioners have passed
a new rule that allows incumbents to keep at least 50% of what they raised, so
Mr. Souto gets to keep $1.3 million for his own personal funds. “My goal this year is raise that to 75% of
what we raise. $1.3 million isn’t what
is used to be”, contends Mr. Souto.
At Commissioner Souto’s party
celebrating his 56th year in office, he was asked “how do you
explain your longevity in office?”
Finally…Mr. Souto was able to
answer a question with only two words….he winked and said… “Special
Interests”. As he walked away into his
new county approved Rolls Royce, he turned and said…”God told me to give more
than I receive. And that is what I
do. You give me ten of yours and I’ll
give you a hundred of theirs.”
In other election news……..
What a smart man! So much truth to this!
Posted by: Rachel O. | August 21, 2010 at 04:31 PM