American Idol Top 9: Standards Night

Tony Bennett, 80, guest coaches tonight's American Idol. Can't wait to see and hear how Sanjaya tortures this sweet old man.

Since it's standards night Blake oughta do a beat boxing version of Duke Ellington's Caravan. That might be cool and less stodgy than the norm for standards. Betcha no one tops Kelly Clarkson's Stuff Like That There from the first season...

"We're expecting nine superlative performances tonight," Ryan teased before introducing Bennett's career. "They are all very competent," Bennett said. Let us see...

Blake Lewis: Singing Mack the Knife. "This song is pre-rap...give each line more impact," Bennett coached. What Blake lacks in vocal ability he often makes up in performance. He moves well enough, knows how to work the camera. Would I ever want to listen to him on CD? Not likely. But this was not bad. He's going to threaten for the title. "A dull knife," my pal Lesley opined. Ha!

Phil Stacey: Tony would do Phil more favors by lending him the rug off the top of his head. Tone-wise Phil sang Night and Day well enough. Exciting? Nah. The arrangement was unimaginative. Simon found it suitable for a funeral parlor. Phil says he was trying to focus on his wife while trying to sing the song. Does that mean he wishes her dead?

Melinda Doolittle: Tony thinks everybody is a great singer. He's a sweet charming man but he oughta coach! Melinda, of course, is the best singer and did I Got Rhythm proud. But this is getting predictable. "I don't think we're ever going to be able to criticize you, this is going to be a problem," cracked Simon. "Sometimes we like being mean." I started to concentrate on other things ... like the fact Melinda does have a neck. Who knew?

Chris Richardson: Don't Get Around Much Anymore? With a wussy delivery like that I'm surprised he ever got around. I'm starting to look forward to Sanjaya... Randy loved it, though. "Young and hip," he said. So did the other judges. Oh well. Gossip watchers note: I read that Chris has hooked up with discarded contestant Alaina Alexander.

Jordin Sparks: Jordin or Blake will be in the top 2 come finals week. Just watch. Teens have an idol in Jordin. She's got a strong, clear voice. She's adorable. Personable. Young. You can just see her all over Tiger Beat. Teen People. Jordin's really the closest thing to an American Idol this season. And Simon's full of crap saying she didn't make On a Clear Day "young and current" the way Chris made his song. Jordin outsang Chris, outcharmed Chris and outperformed him by miles and made a stodgy old Barbra Streisand ballad come to life.

Gina Glocksen: Why is the rock chick singing Smile? Tony says when he sings it he thinks of 9-11 and the soldiers, praying they will come home. Then he started crying. Gina, meanwhile, actually did a nice job on a song I really can't stand. And she looked really pretty. I liked it. I'm surprised.

Sanjaya Malakar: "Two legends collide," Ryan said, introducing Tony and Sanjaya. "He dares to be different," old softie Tony said while Sanjay, hair greased back and wearing John Travolta's Saturday Night Fever jacket, said he wants to prove to America "I can sing." OK. Vocals a bit off but, y'know what, he was entertaining in a strange way. He certainly was more compelling than boring Phil Stacy or Chris Richardson. And admit it, in this otherwise bland season we are talking about Sanjaya. I'd get rid of Chris and Phil first and keep this goofy kid around a couple more weeks.

Haley Scarnato: Finally, some advice from Tony. But sexy Haley is hopeless. Ain't Misbehavin' should be sultry, lived-in. This was cutesy. Not believable at all. Paula remains a moron. She passes on giving her opinion and waits until Simon gives his so that she can interrupt him with the meaningless commentary, "You did your thing." Simon nails it, tho. "You've got great legs." What else can one say. Maybe she oughta go on Dancing With the Stars. She's going to get the boot tomorrow night. Kinda feel bad for her, too. She told People magazine the star she is most looking forward to meeting is Martina McBride for country night. But that's not til the 17th. Haley won't be around in two weeks.

Who was that man Ryan was hugging during the break?

LaKisha Jones: Like Melinda, predictable. She sang Stormy Weather well -- when she finally found the right key to be in. But, unlike Melinda, she's not likable. There's a coldness to LaKisha. The stylists fixed her up a bit but I can't see her winning this.

Tonight the best were Jordin, Melinda and Gina.

The bottom three: Haley (she's going home, watch), Chris Richardson, Phil.

Final thoughts: As a coach, Tony Bennett would make a good Paula Abdul. He was about as critical. Hey, he's a sweet classy guy, but a coach should coach. Does he really think these nine are all good singers? Of course not.

And to my fellow commenters here  -- Lesley, Lane, "the editor" and the rest -- you're terrific. Cracked me up with your observations.

Comments

[Lesley]

we are happy to welcome sangina to our seder this evening. we hope to be thoroughly entertained--Lesley, The Swede and The Slowskys

[Lesley]

Tomorrow one is going to be history, says Ryan.

"Hopefully not Tony Bennett," says the Swede

[Lesley]

"This Mack the Knife has a dull blade"--Lesley
"I hope Bobby Darin doesn't hear this"---Mr. Slowsky
"It's alright"--Mrs. Slowsky

BRUTAL

[the editor]

blake better than i expected. safe another week.

[the editor]

it wasn't THAT bad!

[Lesley]

I hated it. It bored me and it blew.

[the editor]

buffy doesn't like ryan. she's barking up a STORM right now.

[Lesley]

Is Phil growing his hair back??

[Lesley]

Says Mr. Slowsky: Tony Bennett doesn't even know he's there--he's 80 years old, he can't hear.

Re: Phil ----I guess he's not growing his hair back...

Mrs Slowsky says Phil's excellent
The Swede says skol
I say, not bad

[the editor]

a young frank sinatra? seriously? um, they both have blue eyes. that's about it.

[Lesley]

MRs Slowsky says regarding Phil," You don't have joy in that song, what the hell is Paula talking about." Ditto for Simon. It's not a jolly song.

[Lesley]

Once again NO COMPETITION. MINDY DOO DOES IT BEST. No four questions in this seder about it....

[the editor]

the middle was a bit too broadway for my tastes, but melinda totally nailed it at the end.

[Lesley]

Melinda is like a turtle--the slowskys! her neck comes out when she's confident and performing and retreats back in when she is being judged and back to her humble ways

[the editor]

do you think tony bennett killed sanjaya?

[Lesley]

I think Tony hired Sanjaya as his opening act

[Lesley]

I think Tony hired Sanjaya as his opening act

[Lesley]

I think Tony hired Sanjaya as his opening act

[Lane]

Mindy doo went from looking like Pearl from 227 to Jackee

nice job AI Stylists

[the editor]

Chris trying WAY TOO HARD to be Justin.

[Lesley]

great advice tony, memorize the lyrics...

[the editor]

i really like jordin, but in this song, all i'm noticing is her gasping for breath every few seconds.

[Lesley]

On a clear day and a cloudy day, Jordin rules..and Paula needs to shut her pie hole.. I love watching Simon laughing at her....Jordin was ten times better than Fakerlake and LANE: Jackee aka Sondra on 227, hilarious!!!

[the editor]

sanjaya lives!

[the editor]

i do love jordin; think she could win the whole thing unless idiots continue to vote for sanjaya. i just wasn't crazy about this song.

[bogill]

Jordin was good in an Ella sorta way. But being old, I liked it.

[Lesley]

Mrs. Slowsky agrees with HoCo 110 percent on Jordin vs. Chris. She says Chris's voice sounded too sweet and blah...Jordin was outstanding...

[bogill]

Getting in a little late on this one but I thought Blake was the most entertaining so far

[the editor]

wouldn't you think that gina would have an easier time singing without that NASTY tongue stud? i really hate watching her because of that.

[Lesley]

Gina has a great voice....
that was excellent

[Lesley]

Sara, what did I tell you? He is going to hire Sangina to open for him!!

[the editor]

he IS!!! it's just frightening. and you know paula is going to go insane after that little dance.

[Lane]

Tony Bennett getting verklempt talking about the soldiers... who says FOX is all pro-Bush

[Lane]

Gina is probably the only one getting noticably better every week

[Lesley]

I see Sangy's name in lights on the Vegas strip....watch out Wayne Newton..

[the editor]

i love simon!

[Lane]

what is with Sanjaya's necklace? Is that GONG an homage to Chuck Barris?

[bogill]

off key cheese, in a white suit no less.

[Lesley]

Lane, it's the Universe of Sanjaya, as he said...sounds vaguely Heaven's Gate/Jim Jones-ish, don't it? Scary thing is, I may soon drink the Kool-Aid,too!

[the editor]

lane: hilarious! and HoCo: BITE your tongue! Phil, Haley and Sanjy should all go before Chris.

[Lane]

or unKool-Aid, as the case may be

[Lane]

editor, I love that you get the humor! I'd be glad to contribute to your newspaper in any way
I've always wanted a byline

[Lesley]

Haley can join Sangina in Vegas in her cheap looking, aging showgirl outfit.

[Lesley]

This is like a really bad Miss America talent, or lack thereof, skit.

[the editor]

haley is still wearing kat's hair extensions from last year, which grosses me out. her fiance is hot. she should go home to him.

[Lane]

Haley brings network tv's best friend: the side boob

[the editor]

maybe she left all her bras at home?

[Lesley]

haley's comets are her only assets...

[Lane]

I agree HoCo, Haley should go, but you never know, Phil's time might be up too

[the editor]

i am cracking up at lesley's haley's comets line...