The second night of American Idol auditions took the "hot" out of Hotlanta. Has anyone any vocal ability in Atlanta? Is there toothpaste in Atlanta or simply Cheez Doodles in the audition room? What was up with all the yellow teeth? And can we download the General's Pants on the Ground? Oh, and can someone buy guest judge Mary J. Blige a personality or convince her to donate her paycheck to something worthwhile, perhaps relief aid in Haiti? I wasn't missing the departed Paula Abdul last night but Blige's blank demeanor and bored attitude proved a major turnoff. Producers were cruel when they overdid the skits at the expense of the unfortune Jesse Hamilton, who claimed he'd almost died three times in his life and who died before the judges, but Blige's strange giggle fit was plain rude.
No one delivered anything remotely strong tonight but a 62 year old named General Larry Platt (above) ended the show on a memorable note with his original, if repetitive, tune, Pants on the Ground. That nagging hook has turned into an earworm which is making it hard to concentrate on pesky things like punctuation and spelling on the blog. This one goes on the Playlist with Season 7's We're Brothers Forever from Renaldo Lapuz.
Meantime, the judges fawned over a Sevierville cop named Bryan whose Superstar was hardly arresting and went gaga over a wan Janis Joplin rendition from Mallorie.
Keia Johnson (above) earned the first Golden Ticket to Hollywood for her rendition of My Heart Will Go On. My ears will go on after the overemoted yelling, but she seems a sweet girl.
Judge's favorite Jermaine Sellers (above) tackled Joan Osborne's One of Us and if God was one of us, perhaps he could explain to me what was so special about this guy's voice? Jermaine was runnerup in 2007 on BET's Sunday's Best. On a remarkably weak audition's night, he wouldn't even make it into my runnerup slot in Atlanta.
No stars tonight but I finally was in tune with the judges who (aside from Blige who was more interested in the bottom of her Coke cup than in listening to anyone sing) all liked Vanessa Wolfe's (above) personality. She's a hardcore country girl, right down to the way she cried, "I'm gonna ride on an aer-o-plane!" after she won a Golden Ticket. Her song, Wagon Wheel, by Old Crow Medicine Show is dull but she is the real deal. True country singer. Hollywood will probably eat this sweet girl for breakfast, but she won me over tonight.
Two BFFs earned a split vote from the judges, sending one BFF to Hollywood and the other off the floor in tears to coin a new term: BFFUI (Best Friends Forever Until Idol.)
Overall, I hope Idol finds its sizzle next week in Chicago because after last night's nice (read: bland) auditions in Boston and tonight's dreadful Atlantans, Season 9 is not off to any better a start than Conan O'Brien's Tonight Show gig.
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I am here! Are you?
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 08:02 PM
you could tell when this guy didn't know his relative's last names he probably wasn't going to be any good...
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 08:04 PM
I'm here too! Love Mary J
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 08:08 PM
kara so rubs me the wrong way with her condescending use of "honey"
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 08:11 PM
Hi folks, MrEvans here
Posted by: Evan | January 13, 2010 at 08:11 PM
Me and Mrs. Evans are a few minutes behind - we'll catch up on TiVo through the commercial.
Posted by: Evan | January 13, 2010 at 08:12 PM
hey evans fam...y'aint missed anything yet
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 08:13 PM
obligatory perky african american chick goes through to hollywood
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 08:13 PM
It's never a good sign when they sing an original song.
Posted by: Evan | January 13, 2010 at 08:13 PM
the church singer is good and those girls were pretty good too..in other news, I can't stand Kara.
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 08:17 PM
"it was annointed"
what does that mean?
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 08:18 PM
haven't they already said "you're the best we've heard yet" , like, six times?
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 08:18 PM
Mary J keeps saying "it was in control"
drinking game starts next time she says it
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 08:21 PM
We're all caught up. Good times...
Posted by: Evan | January 13, 2010 at 08:23 PM
This TV girl is a. on TV? b. annoying
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 08:24 PM
tv show hostess is pure corn....
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 08:25 PM
and c. horrific
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 08:25 PM
Face made for radio...
Posted by: MrsEvans | January 13, 2010 at 08:25 PM
She looks like she's making #2 when she's singing.
Posted by: Evan | January 13, 2010 at 08:25 PM
next season we'll see the Glee effect, which will be worse, this was probably tapes before Glee made it big
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 08:27 PM
Does she think she's auditioning for Jackass?
Posted by: Evan | January 13, 2010 at 08:27 PM
where's Tatiana when you need her?
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 08:27 PM
Is she going to sing "Dueling Banjos"?
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 08:28 PM
I hope bridge jumper is good
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 08:28 PM
I see why she likes to jump off bridges...
Posted by: MrsEvans | January 13, 2010 at 08:28 PM
HoCo is going to like her
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 08:29 PM
she's like a less sophisticated Kellie Pickler
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 08:30 PM
She has summer teeth.
Posted by: Evan | January 13, 2010 at 08:31 PM
i can't stand kara. bridge jumper is ok, not great, I want her to have a chance...
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 08:31 PM
Haha Lane
Posted by: MrsEvans | January 13, 2010 at 08:31 PM
lol summer teeth
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 08:31 PM
It's nice that she wore her church dress to the audition.
Posted by: Evan | January 13, 2010 at 08:32 PM
She's gonna ride on an arrowplane.
Posted by: MrsEvans | January 13, 2010 at 08:32 PM
if she makes it far in a year or so she'll have new teeth, new everything and a private aeroplane...a la kelly pickler and carrie underwood..two recovering country bumpkins
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 08:34 PM
This is the very special Deliverance-themed edition of American Idol
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 08:37 PM
oh no...I'm scared...
Posted by: MrsEvans | January 13, 2010 at 08:37 PM
Cleetus the Slack Jawed Yokel
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 08:38 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUUBO2-HYAc
Posted by: Evan | January 13, 2010 at 08:39 PM
good thing he doesn't know who Mary J. Blige is
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 08:39 PM
You know a dream is like a river...
Posted by: MrsEvans | January 13, 2010 at 08:40 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sg-CK0Teark
Posted by: Evan | January 13, 2010 at 08:40 PM
it's kind of uncool for them to pick on this particular kid
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 08:41 PM
lane, agreed. not cool at all. disgusting.
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 08:42 PM
HoCo says he likes summer teeth.
Posted by: Evan | January 13, 2010 at 08:44 PM
ps: anytime i tweet about Idol I lose followers
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 08:44 PM
it's like when they made fun of that retarded lemur kid a few years ago...
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 08:45 PM
yeah HoCo should liveblog (if possible) instead of live tweeting it
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 08:46 PM
oh come on stupidity, this girl dressed like a guitar..ugh
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 08:48 PM
I think her step-dad strums her at night...
Posted by: Evan | January 13, 2010 at 08:48 PM
I would be shocked if they ever showed an imbecile in a costume who could actually sing..wait, they did--her name is Lady Gaga!
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 08:48 PM