The second night of American Idol auditions took the "hot" out of Hotlanta. Has anyone any vocal ability in Atlanta? Is there toothpaste in Atlanta or simply Cheez Doodles in the audition room? What was up with all the yellow teeth? And can we download the General's Pants on the Ground? Oh, and can someone buy guest judge Mary J. Blige a personality or convince her to donate her paycheck to something worthwhile, perhaps relief aid in Haiti? I wasn't missing the departed Paula Abdul last night but Blige's blank demeanor and bored attitude proved a major turnoff. Producers were cruel when they overdid the skits at the expense of the unfortune Jesse Hamilton, who claimed he'd almost died three times in his life and who died before the judges, but Blige's strange giggle fit was plain rude.
No one delivered anything remotely strong tonight but a 62 year old named General Larry Platt (above) ended the show on a memorable note with his original, if repetitive, tune, Pants on the Ground. That nagging hook has turned into an earworm which is making it hard to concentrate on pesky things like punctuation and spelling on the blog. This one goes on the Playlist with Season 7's We're Brothers Forever from Renaldo Lapuz.
Meantime, the judges fawned over a Sevierville cop named Bryan whose Superstar was hardly arresting and went gaga over a wan Janis Joplin rendition from Mallorie.
Keia Johnson (above) earned the first Golden Ticket to Hollywood for her rendition of My Heart Will Go On. My ears will go on after the overemoted yelling, but she seems a sweet girl.
Judge's favorite Jermaine Sellers (above) tackled Joan Osborne's One of Us and if God was one of us, perhaps he could explain to me what was so special about this guy's voice? Jermaine was runnerup in 2007 on BET's Sunday's Best. On a remarkably weak audition's night, he wouldn't even make it into my runnerup slot in Atlanta.
No stars tonight but I finally was in tune with the judges who (aside from Blige who was more interested in the bottom of her Coke cup than in listening to anyone sing) all liked Vanessa Wolfe's (above) personality. She's a hardcore country girl, right down to the way she cried, "I'm gonna ride on an aer-o-plane!" after she won a Golden Ticket. Her song, Wagon Wheel, by Old Crow Medicine Show is dull but she is the real deal. True country singer. Hollywood will probably eat this sweet girl for breakfast, but she won me over tonight.
Two BFFs earned a split vote from the judges, sending one BFF to Hollywood and the other off the floor in tears to coin a new term: BFFUI (Best Friends Forever Until Idol.)
Overall, I hope Idol finds its sizzle next week in Chicago because after last night's nice (read: bland) auditions in Boston and tonight's dreadful Atlantans, Season 9 is not off to any better a start than Conan O'Brien's Tonight Show gig.
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OMG, the guitar sang pretty well!
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 08:49 PM
wasn't expecting that voice
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 08:50 PM
Ha, Lane, you were right! I liked country girl! She'll get eaten alive in Hollywood, but she gets to fly on her first aer-o-plane!
Posted by: HoCo | January 13, 2010 at 08:50 PM
Evan, HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! not nice. hahaahaaaaa
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 08:50 PM
janis joplin girl is ok i guess..these country girls sorta all sound the same but this one has boobies
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 08:53 PM
Mary J. Blah-je
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 08:53 PM
HoCo will like Janis Joplin girl, she's like a boobier Brooke White
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 08:53 PM
howard just tweeted wanting to know what's up with the yellow teeth. I'm surprised some of them actually have teeth
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 08:57 PM
I downloaded the Brooke White CD... it's decent.
Posted by: Evan | January 13, 2010 at 08:57 PM
they aren't teeth so much as stalagmites
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 08:58 PM
A cross between Snoop Dogg and George Huff...
Posted by: Evan | January 13, 2010 at 08:59 PM
Skiboski is the Black Polish Snoop Dog
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 08:59 PM
skiboski is the african american version of Jersey Shore's The Situation
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 09:00 PM
Lane, GMTA!!!
Posted by: Evan | January 13, 2010 at 09:00 PM
Lesley's analogy wins!
Posted by: MrsEvans | January 13, 2010 at 09:01 PM
Lane, you got it. Next time I'll live blog it. I figured I'd try it this way, Tweet first, wrapup after, this week but if you all prefer the original way, I'll go back to it.
Next Tues I'll be at Cavalia reviewing so I'll be late on Idol. May be out Wed, too, have to check my sked.
Posted by: HoCo | January 13, 2010 at 09:01 PM
i thought skiboski was pretty good but he needs to drop the whole annoying act
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 09:01 PM
he'll self destruct in Hollywood
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 09:02 PM
And we put on our makeup with a paintball gun!
Posted by: Evan | January 13, 2010 at 09:04 PM
i can think of a different career for these bff's....vivid video's calling..
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 09:04 PM
BFFs starring in vivid video's "American
Thigh-dol"
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 09:04 PM
Ok I don't miss Paula but I will miss Simon...
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 09:05 PM
these two bosom buddies wont be BFFs for long...Ditz Sisters hahaha! or rhymes with ditz..
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 09:06 PM
LMAO this is the best scenario ever on Idol
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 09:08 PM
Lauren is SOOOOO pissed!
Posted by: Evan | January 13, 2010 at 09:08 PM
Hahahahahahaahahaha the BFf in blue wants to stanb the blonde!
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 09:08 PM
oops, stab the blonde, that is..
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 09:09 PM
Meanwhile, the cop looks like Chicken Little all growns up...
Posted by: Evan | January 13, 2010 at 09:09 PM
Chicken Little!
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 09:10 PM
Here are the BFFs in 20 years...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzCYrYHZmKk
Posted by: Evan | January 13, 2010 at 09:11 PM
I loved the Sweeney Sisters!
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 09:12 PM
Sweeney Sisters were great
I have no idea why Jan Hooks never had a real career
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 09:13 PM
That girl looks like Shaq.
Posted by: MrsEvans | January 13, 2010 at 09:13 PM
call him Karen Copenter
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 09:15 PM
Jan Hooks got shafted and peeeeeing, MrsEvans..Shaq!
Singing cop is excellent but can we shave that chia pet off?
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 09:15 PM
Lane, snort! Copenter.
Can I get a "The best audition we've heard"?
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 09:16 PM
Sealed.
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 09:17 PM
he's only 20? are those eyebrows gang related?
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 09:18 PM
"Stop trying to exalt yourself"
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 09:19 PM
best thing Mary J has said all night
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 09:20 PM
even Mary J was scared and she was BFF with Biggie Smalls
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 09:20 PM
"I wish Paula was here... so I could be the 2nd craziest mofo in the room!"
Posted by: Evan | January 13, 2010 at 09:20 PM
Lesley, you are on FIRE tonight!
Posted by: Evan | January 13, 2010 at 09:21 PM
he was Crazy Eyez Killah
are you my caucasian?
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 09:21 PM
Touche, Evan!
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 09:21 PM
It's Chef!
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 09:26 PM
we will see mr pants on the ground on the finale show..
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 09:28 PM
I'm going to go exalt myself
good times, people
Posted by: Lane | January 13, 2010 at 09:29 PM
until next week!
Posted by: Lesley | January 13, 2010 at 09:30 PM
Loving all your comments, you all oughta write for American Idol. Lively and fun. :)
Posted by: HoCo | January 13, 2010 at 10:36 PM